


His Eyes and His Smile

by journaliry



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Comedy, Declarations Of Love, Falling In Love, Fluff, Heartache, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Love Confessions, Love at First Sight, M/M, Mutual Pining, Romantic Angst, Romantic Fluff, Romantic Friendship, School Uniforms, Sexual Humor, Slow Romance, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-09-03
Packaged: 2020-08-11 02:55:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 65,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20146444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/journaliry/pseuds/journaliry
Summary: John Egbert at age 16 is attending a privately funded school. As fate would have it, at the start of this semester he already feel deeply in love with another boy he met in class. He enlists the help of his two friends, Jade and Rose, to earn Dave’s interest.When all the while... Dave does the exact same for John's attention.





	1. Thoughts of His Smile

You were snuggly resting in your bed. Your messy black hair peeking over your white quilted sheet. You smack your lips, you're so comfortable right now you can't even begin to imagine getting up. You keep yourself immersed in thoughts of the love of your life. 

_As you dream, everything in your head is bright, wavy and shimmering just like light shining through the surface of the sea. __You're walking out of your front door when suddenly you trip over the first step. You start to fall out into the sidewalk, when all of a sudden Dave catches you. Dave holds you close in one of his arms, in his other hand he's holding up a bouquet a blue orchids mixed in with red roses. Dave says in his deep, captivating voice, "careful there." He's holding you so close, he smells just like jasmine and cloves. Dave __lightly flips up his snow white hair._ _You smile up at him and blush, "what are you doing here?" He places the bundle of flowers into your arms as he tells you,"I needed to come and see you immediately, I had to tell you that I've been in love with you since I first met you." You bring the flowers up to your face and look up at him with stars in your eyes, "really?" Dave nods at your words and rips off his shades to reveal his paralyzingly stunning mysteriously colored eyes, “I couldn't bring myself to say anything because I always trip over my words when I’m around you!” Dave continues like he’s twisted up inside by his own words, __”I can’t bring myself to say anything but ‘hey’ to you! You’re so important to me and I don’t want to say anything that would make you think less of me!" You gasp and shake your head, “I could never think less of you Dave! I feel the exact same way!” Dave shakes his head in disbelief, “no, but you’re always so silent around me, you just seem so cool and distant. I always wanted to know more about you but it’s just so difficult to talk to someone who looks so...” You’re biting your lips behind the pile of petals. Dave finishes his thought, “irresistibly sexy.” You giggle._

You started giggling as you gripped onto your sheets. You are so in love with the thought of Dave thinking your irresistible and confessing that he’s skittish around you! It’s a fun fantasy because... it’s so untrue. You’re the one who trips over your words and finds him irresistibly handsome. You sigh_, 'he’s so dreamy...'_ you can’t wait to see him again. Actually! You’re just about to- You perk up instantly at the thought. Oh no! You slept past your alarm, you agreed to meet up with your friends before class starts. You can't be late! Dave is going to be there today! You grab your glasses with one hand and grab your phone with the other. You slide on your glasses and check the time. You were supposed to be out of the house ten minutes ago! You jump up out from under the covers. You pull your pajama pants down as you pull your tee over your head, only to struggle to strip off your shirt because your glasses are in the way. You trip over your own pants and struggle to stay up. You twist around as you hop on one leg and land on the floor, right on your bottom.

You knew something like this would happen, you always wake up late, so you already prepped for it. You get undressed and then get up. You grab your uniform that you hung up on your door knob last night, along with your shoes on the floor, and rush into the hall and shut the door to the bathroom. You toss your outfit up on the shower rod to hang. You quickly spray deodorant under your arms. You leave your elbows up in the air as you give it a few seconds to dry. You grab your toothbrush and your tube of toothpaste, you hustle to brush your teeth. After you spit into the sink you grab mouthwash to rinse and gargle. 

You have to get dressed. Now! You toss on your white button-up. You slide on your gray pants and untuck your shirt as you put on your belt. No! It would look better tucked! Damn it you don't have the time! You tie your navy blue blazer around your hips and slip on your socks and brown matte shoes. You charge out the door and towards the staircase.

”John.” You hear your dad behind you.

You shoot your head around and answer, “yes, dad?!” You didn’t mean to raise your voice but you’re kind of in a hurry. 

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” He’s holding up your tan leather shoulder bag. 

”Ugh!” You run up to take it from his hands as he outstretches the bag towards you. You quickly sling it over your head and shoulders, then hug him. "You're a lifesaver!"

You stomp down the staircase and run into the kitchen to grab one of the bagels your dad baked yesterday. You found a basket of bagels on the counter, there is a poppyseed one on the very top. You grabbed it then ran out the room into the hall and head out the front door. You call out, **_"lock the door for me dad!"_** as you close the door and fumble with your bag.

School is only about ten minutes from here on foot, if you bike you can cut that time in half and not worry about sweating. You head out in the city streets and walk up to your chained blue bike. You drag your house keys out of your bag and grab onto the smallest key to unlock the plastic chain, all while biting into your bagel. You already ate half of the thing by the time you start petaling down the side of the street. You don't even bother sitting on the cushion. You focus on getting to the front of the school and already picture locking up your bike and running over to Rose, once again apologizing to her how late you are... only this time... _Dave is going to be theeere._ You have to straighten your bike. Now is no time to drift off in thoughts of him, you have to focus! 

You make it and lock up your bike just like you pictured a good thirty times in your head as you biked. You wipe your hands down off all the poppy seeds and crumbs as you hop and skip over to your meeting place in the middle of the school. You rush past a few other students,“Excuse me! Sorry! Pardon me!” flowing around the pacing crowd. None of them seem to be in a hurry to walk through the school doors like you are.

You head over to the middle of the open part of school. Dress shoes slapping against the hard pavement. The sun is shining through the open space and blaring into your glasses. You have to squint to see where you’re going. You spot your friend and run right over towards her. 

Rose is standing right infront of you as you grab onto your knees and pant. She troubled herself with getting up to greet you. 

You lift your head to see that Rose is giving you a friendly smirk, “you’re earlier than I anticipated.”

”I-” you can’t help but pant, “-am?”

You look up to get a better look at her, something is a bit off. She's not wearing her blazer! Oh wait, Rose never wears her blazer, just her button up and gray pleated skirt that Rose heemed herself to be above her knee. She had a pin on her collar that was a lavender cartoon squid-thing that she painted to look like a skull. Oh, that's what looks off today, she isn't wearing her black hair band like usual. Before you can ask her about it she continues, 

“I might have embellished our meeting time a bit. I expected you to sleep in.”

”You really think so little of me?" You breath out one final pant and stand up straight. "I’m right on time!”

”You’re about twenty minutes late.” Rose held up her blackberry and wiggled it at you to show you the time. 

”lay off.” You lightly swipe at her phone as Rose moves back her hand and smiles at you. You smile back at her. 

”Hold on," Rose lowers her brows and tilts her head. "Let me see your teeth.”

You fully clench your teeth and move your lips to show her your entire overbite. Rose tilts her head to the side, her short blonde hair skirting over her black lips. Rose pushes it behind her ear with her short lavender nails. Rose continues to tilt her head as she tells you, “you have poppy seeds on the top of your front teeth.”

”No!” You desperately try to scratch at your gums with one of your finger nails. You forget that plan of attack and start scraping at your front teeth with your tongue. 

”Relax, relax.” Rose tries to reassure you as Rose crosses her arms. "You'll be fine... Now show me your teeth." You smile wide for her again, Rose points her finger at you as her hand continues to rest above her elbow. “Once more.”

You lick your overbite again and then desperately smile for her.

”Got it.” Rose nods at you. 

You hunch over and grab your knees again as you sigh. You straighten your back, “well, now I have time to worry about all the other ways I’m going to fuck this up.”

”Glad to see you keeping up with your passions,” Rose jokes as Rose shakes her head, “and this early in the morning too.”

”Worrying about how I act around Dave is part of my morning routine actually.”

”Good to know.” Rose pulls her lips into a caring, but still forced, half-smile.

The two of you talked about class to keep your mind off of Dave. That's kind of her, Rose doesn’t panic about what to say to him when he shows up. You didn’t want anyone to know that you were in love with him, or even liked him, but of course Rose picked up on your feelings without you even saying anything. Rose confessed to you that she noticed that you had a crush on him when you were slack jawed during gym class,

_Dave was running, red Air Jordans pounding against the court floor. He's drenched in sweat. You watched him as he dribbled the ball and threw it into the hoop. He was wearing his shades the entire time, you could see a tiny bit of his abs when he jumped to score a point. He’s completely dominating the court, like always. You take in a deep breath and sigh._

_“Oh my," Rose snuck up behind you. She tilted her head to get a better look at your face as Rose pushed back her ash blonde hair, "you are staring.” _

_You instantly turned around to reassure her that you were watching him because, “he’s just really good at basketball! I’m really amazed how fast his reflexes are. Ohhhh, I wish he was on our team!” You quickly squeak the words out at her and punch the air. You start rubbing the back of your head. Rose can tell from your reaction that your covering up something. You lower your arm and hunch over to stare at the floor. You muttered out, “please don’t tell anyone.”_

_You got up to look at her again, Rose was wearing her usual smirk as she spoke,_

_”I won’t speak a word to anyone, in exchange that you tell me one thing; why?”_

_”What?” You quickly and lightly blurt out the word._

_”I’ve noticed that you have a vested… let’s say romantic,” Rose muttered under her breath, “and most likely sexual,” and returned back to her normal volume, “-interest in Dave for quite sometime and I would like to know, why?” _

_"Okay okay, keep your voice down!” You raised your hands and than lowered them to tell her to stop. You whisper to her,“well... a few weeks ago, when school first started, we were walking off campus together because he wanted to talk and I- I guess I tripped on my own foot and he dropped the sandwich he was eating to catch me.”_

_"Off to a surprisingly good start.” Rose nods once._

_You mutter to yourself. "yeah... a good start... he got mustard and hot sauce all over my sleeve and I just laughed it off because it was an honest mistake, and it was actually pretty funny.”_

_"I can see the humor in someone else messing up your sleeves instead of you-" Rose covers her mouth as she lets out a light laugh. "-and your periodic clumsiness."_

_"I know right.” You smile and turn your focus on what really matters. “Anyway- he seemed so worked up over it. The next day he bought me a bag of beef jerky and told me it’s because he was a jerk. It made me laugh so hard I completely embarrassed myself, I had to run to the bathroom cause he almost made me piss my pants.”_

_Rose mutters, "astounding.” _

_"…and it really wasn't even that funny.”_

_Rose mutters to herself again as Rose shakes her head, "at least you admit it.”_

_You continue, “then I brought him one of the donuts my dad made, and I started tripping over my words, even more than usual, and I just- I- I couldn’t stop thinking of how he held my sleeves and that he bought me something to apologize and it just- it- he got me Rose.” You turn to watch Dave run and score again. His sneakers skidding across the floor.“He just took my heart and ran with it. Ran with it like that damn basketball.”_

_"You hardly even know him… and you’re smitten.” Rose sticks out a finger and flicks it in your direction._

_"I know!!” You whine. “The first thing he ever said to me was if it was ‘cool’ to walk with me and I said yes! Like a normal person does!” You gesture with your hands by digging them down and than up, showing what a big deal this is. “And **now,** these past few days I can’t stop thinking about him and I can’t even bring myself to say hi to him.” _

_"Wow.” Rose faked sounded impressed. "Simply amazing."_

_“You’re sarcasm isn’t welcomed here." You meet her tone. "I am actually in love with him!”_

_"how much soo...?” Rose drags out the final syllable, she sounds somewhat concerned. _

_"Like staying up all night staring at a photo he posted on his blog while replaying falling in his arms for hours in my head.”_

_"Wooow.” Rose genuinely sounds impressed now._

_"or… that I can’t even focus in class because I’m trying to stare in his eyes while I have the chance.” Dress code doesn’t allow for sunglasses indoors but Dave breaks the rules half the time anyway, he’s such a rebel. “Or- that I dream about him every morning. Or that I printed out a picture of him and keep it under my pillow. Or that I keep writing down things I want to say to him if he would so much as speak to me again, he hasn’t spoken to me once for two straight weeks! -and I- I think I totally blew it with him... he must have already picked up I like him and he just doesn’t want to reject me.” You look down at the court floor. _

_”I’m sure he hasn’t picked up on the sort.” Rose reassured you. “You know I have plenty of classes with him, we are, dare I say, **friends.**” Rose nods to herself, "from childhood in fact."_

_She’s trying to cheer you up. “Maybe... I could put in a good word?”_

_”You’d do that!?” You lift up your head and stare at her. _

_“Yes, however I need **more** information.” Rose nods at you. “You say you write things down, what sorts of ‘things?’”_

_“Just you know, questions I could ask him if he walks up to me...”_

_"Why don’t** you** walk up to him.” Rose asks you like it's no big deal._

_"I can’t! My legs get all weak when I get near him and I get tongue tied around him and I don’t want to embarrass myself around him at all while around him!” You're stumbling on your words._

_“Being standoffish seems to be the favored approach of everyone in this school.” Rose nods._

_You ask her, "including you?”_

_"Especially me.” Rose narrows her eyes at you, “so I can assure you that your strategy won’t work.”_

_“It is better than letting slip that I watch him in gym class-" You gesture towards Dave as he swipes the ball from another students hands. “Or that I fantasize about marrying him!”_

_Rose mumbles to herself, “good lord.” _

_The whistle blows, it’s the signal that you both have to leave for your respective locker rooms, “or that I am about to go change in the bathroom stall so I don’t accidentally look at Dave changing.”_

_"Now... why is that such a problem for you?” She’s holding her chin in between her thumb and her finger, "hmm." She seems smug. _

_“Because it isn’t fair to him if I check him out,” you explain. “Don’t you do the same with the girls in your class?”_

_”Yes, actually I can understand your sentiment.” She lowers her eyes down to the wooden court floor. “Still, you can’t avoid looking at him shirtless forever... Might as well just look him in the eyes -or rather shades- instead if you have t-" _

_”or not at all! Ever!” You interrupt her. **“My heart can't take that!”** You curl a bit into yourself. The thought of Dave being shirtless while he's talking to you is killing you completely. "Rose, he's the love of my life!"_

_"Oh boy..." Rose sighed. She glances over to the doors to the locker rooms, ”we can discuss this later, We both need to change.” _ _She began to walk when she notices most of the class is already inside._

_"Same here.” You start walking besides her. She's right... like always..._

_”It is a good thing that we are not the type to break a sweat.” She jokes, more so with herself that you. “You ate up a good chunk of our time already.”_

_Her coach was waiting on the two of you so she could shut the door, while the boys locker room door was held open by a wooden wedge. _

_Rose's coach asked her, "chatting with your boyfriend?” _

_Without skipping a beat Rose answered, “yes... actually, he’s the love of my life.”_

_Her coach seemed a bit surprised at the answer but matched your friend’s snarky tone, "really now?”_

_Rose continues without any hint of joy in her voice, ”were engaged actually.”_

_You put on a dry voice too. "Yep, planning on starting a family.” You rest your arm around her shoulders. _

_Rose keeps speaking to her coach, “-before we even graduate, we want to start our **lives **as soon as possible.” She looks up at you. "Love that’s **real** doesn’t wait.”_

_You glare at her. She smiles as she lifts up your arm and drops it. You laugh as the two of you parted ways. You were left alone, trying hard to avoid looking at- _“look,it’s future Mr. Egbert.”

You quickly shake your head as you blink yourself back into reality. You zoned out again. Dave’s walking towards the two of you.

"Oh,” she clasps her hands together. “He looks so handsome in his school uniform, doesn’t he?” Rose mocks you with the driest voice she can muster.

You angrily hum at her.

Rose lowered her eyes as she let go of her hands, "he's so dreamy. I bet that he's planning on writing you a song. Maybe he's planning on revealing his secret deep-seeded love for you? Oh, only the Lord knows what's in that boys heart." 

Dave's getting closer to you both. 

You whisper at Rose, "shut up with that!" You swat at her. "I don’t want him to hear.”

Rose crosses her arms again and looks over at Dave, “right on time.”

“Aren’t I always?” Dave says as he finishes walking up to the two of you.

You haven’t heard his voice so close to your vicinity in days, you feel like swooning. Instead you lift up your hand and lightly wave, “...um... hello.”

”Hey.” He nods back at you, Dave lightly flipps his hair by mistake. You almost melt, you realize that your slouching so you perk back up.

Dave looks back at Rose, “so what did you want to talk about?”

Her hands are still crossed, "wanted to see a film, thought I’d have to ask you all in person." 

"Why?" Dave asks her. He always gets right to the point.

You sigh and think to yourself,_ 'he's so forward, I bet he's like that for everything.'_

"Because it's a horror film, and I know that you're all pussies." Rose has a more cheerful tone than usual. She's plotting something, you just know it. You narrow your eyes at her.

You feel like joking back around with her, like usual, but with Dave around you don’t even want to **risk** looking like an idiot. For now, you’re just going to hold your chin up and speak when you have something really witty and clever to say. 

"I'm sure John isn't like that." Dave has this tone like he's sticking up for you! You have to catch yourself, you almost grabbed onto your chest, instead you move your hands up to your bag's strap and cling onto it.

"Then he should have no problem coming with us right?" Rose asked as she shoved you with her elbow. You budge more then she probably thought you would. You have to stick a leg out to catch yourself from falling. Dave moved to lend you a hand. He's always so thoughtful like that, he probably does that for everyone._ 'He's just so kind.'_

You let him guide you with his hand back up as you tell them both, "yea-yeah," you cough to clear your throat. "I- I'll go."

Dave nods at you, "cool." He puts his hand back down when he notices he's still holding you. You can't help yourself, you sigh as you look up at him. Dave's about a foot taller than you are, even when he's slouching and he's always slouching. He's slim for how fit he is and his pants are perfectly hemmed around his ankles. He _always _breaks dress code, he's starting to wear his dress shoes again but he's still wearing his signature shades. His collar isn't buttoned and his blazer is wide open, showing his tucked white button up. If you look closely you can see his chest through his shirt. You nearly giggle. Dave and Rose keep talking and you can't hear even one word as you watch the way that Dave's bright white hair is fluttering in the wind. He hardly ever smiles but when he looks over at you he gives you a light grin. He's actually grinning at you! You are screaming on the inside as your heart does backflips. **Dave is smiling. at. _you!!!_**

"Hey!" At the sound of Rose, even slightly, raising her voice you both look at her, "so tonight is good with you?"

"Wait-" You turn your head to ask Rose. "what's tonight?" 

"I was asking you both if meeting for the 7:30 showing is to your liking..." Rose points at her phone and then puts it down as she pouts. "Were you listening at all?"

"No." You shake your head and answer honestly, then you start mocking her, "to busy day dreaming about you taking me to the movies and buying me popcorn."

"I'll be sure to wear a jacket that I can give to you when it gets to cold." Rose is mocking you. "I know that you're too much of a imbecilic, and yet ethereal, _bitch_ to bring your own." She's dragging out every syllable to let you know she's insulting you. 

_'Damn it. She is completely mocking me.'_ Rose knows getting Dave to join you guys in the theatre is the only way that you'd go see a horror flick with her, she trapped you!

"I wasn't planning on it, but now I'll have to be sure to do it." You mock her with her own wordy, condescending tone, "if only to make you as bitter cold as your very own heart."

"That stings, John." Rose lowers her brows at you. "I can't believe that you would insinuate that I have a heart, how could you?"

You snicker as Rose lightly shoves you again. You shove her back. You look back up and notice the boy who stole your heart is looking at you again. You straighten your back and look off to the side. For a moment you forgot he was right there in front of you. You hope you didn't just embarrass yourself.

You can hear a high pitch and cheerful girls voice calling out to you three. _**"Guys!!!"**_

Jade runs up to meet all of you. Her long black hair skirting from side to side as she holds onto her backpack's straps. Her skirt is tailor made to hang past her ankles, you're amazed that she doesn't trip as she waves out to you three. Her fingers are covered in thin multicolored memory bands. She catches up to you and hunches down, just as you previously did, trying to catch her breath. She placed herself right between you and Dave. She tries to stand up straight. You can see her electric green braces along her teeth as she pants. 

"Sorry.” -Jade pants- “I was late." -she pants again- "I slept past" -she sighs- "my alarm.”

Rose jests, ”I’ve heard that’s all the rage with the kids these days.” 

Rose looks over at Dave and asks him, “Strider, you are down with the proverbial kids, I can’t believe you didn’t catch on to the newest trend.”

"I started that trend." He replies. "I'm already over it."

You lightly chuckle as you put your hand over your smile. _'He's so funny.' _You drop your hand when you notice that he is looking right at you.

"Oh?" Rose directs the words to the love of your life, "I didn't think that you would even care about going to school on time?" 

"Can't afford another tardy." Dave shrugs.

You stick up a finger. "Same here," you nervously breathe out. 

Dave looks right at you after you speak, you tense up and grab onto the leather strap of your bag. 

"You were here earlier than I was..." Dave is scratching the back of his neck as he asks you, "maybe you should give me some pointers." 

"Um well" You start fiddling around with your leather strap as you look up at him. "I- I could tell you- something- if you- you know- you set out- wh-what you can do then, you know- y-ye-you know- you could- you know- put your stuff together- and uh- your clothes out- before- I don't know- you sleep, that's maybe what you could do- and you know- se-set your alarm a- umm uh- a bit earlier... maybe?"

Dave gives you a few more seconds in case you want to say anything else.

You can't bring yourself to say anything.

He was done patiently waiting on you, he blankly replied,

"Thanks for the advice man." 

Jade wheezes and she starts cackling out, "**_GHACK!_**_"_ -she heavily gasps for air- "_AHAAA_ HA HA **HAAAA!**" She practically screamed that. She keeps heaving and then keeps on laughing at your pain. Coughing out, **"aaaAAAHHHAAAA!!!**" 

You bury your head, and your shame, into your hands. You take a deep sigh and breathe it out through your hands. Rose just let out a snicker through her nose, at least she was _trying_ to hold it in. Why even fucking bother. You can't get out any coherent sentence out around Dave. He must be completely put off by the way you are. He was way more interested in talking with Rose than you, he looked so awkward when he asked you for advice... he must think your a pathetic nerd. Especially now with both of your **only** **two **friends laughing at how nervous you just were. 

You drop your hands from your face and push your glasses up the bridge of your nose. Dave was staring at you while you did that. God. With the way you just pushed up your glasses you must look like even more of a pathetic nerd. He looks like he doesn't even know what to say. He's so nice, he must just pity you...

"I'm-" Jade was trying to calm herself down. "I'm sorry, John!!! That wasn't nice." She's still snickering through her words, "it's just, I forgot how shy you can be!"

Rose ridicules you further as she shakes her head, "that was adorable, John." 

"Yeah!" Jade perked up, "it's just Dave." She shook her head and smiled. "He won't bite." 

"Yes, but I can see how one would get so nervous around Strider." Rose jokes. "He can't go anywhere without people chatting about his dozens of seizure inducing blogs, like a celebrity." She shakes her head at Dave and then addresses you, "I hear that you are a said fan of his blogs, were you suffering a .gif induced aneurysm?" She doesn't give you a chance to reply she just brings it back around to poor Dave again. "Dave you have to apologize." 

"I-" Dave shuffles his feet a bit. He starts scratching the back of his leg with his other foot. "I don't want to make you nervous... man."

Rose gave you both enough time to reply before she took the wheel again, "well _'bruh,'_ John gets what you mean, _'fam.' "_

If she's talking like this maybe you should just lean into her 'typical asshole-ery.' 

"Sorry, couldn't think straight." You shake your head at Rose. "I can still see all of the colors from his webpage."

"So... you do like my site?" Dave seems like he's actually curious about what you think, that... or he's gearing up to mock you. You don't know if your heart can take it if Dave mocks you like Jade or Rose does.

"Yeah- uh-" You grasp your fists tightly around your leather strap again. "I like your jokes. They are- um- you know- really- _surreal?_" You look towards where Rose left her bag, you're hoping if you compliment him enough it will make up for the fact that you're such a... pathetic dork...

No one says anything for a while, everyone's waiting on Dave to speak again, even you. He doesn't seem like he wants to talk about his own websites with you... figures...

Jade cuts through the silence herself, with a literal wave of her arm. "So Rose?" Jade brightly, but awkwardly, grins as she asks Rose, "why did you want us to all meet up in the first place, uh- if you don't mind me asking?"

"Well..." Rose shifts back on one leg. She rests her chin on the back of her hand. "I am inviting all of you out to the movies as a tactful cover for the fact I just want to hold John's hand through the entire film because we are secretly in love and dating-" she apathetically pounded her fists in the air, "oh damn it all, I gave it away."

"Rose, how could you?" You lean in next to her and shake your head in pretend-shame, still riddled with the lingering after effects of your real shame. "Our love had to remain a secret. You know that my dad won't let me date smart asses."

"Does this mean we have to break up," Rose asks you in the dullest voice she can muster, "and after all of those long nights together?" She's trying to cheer you up in her own way.

"I was planning on ending it anyway," you sigh as you tell Rose. "I still can't walk straight from last night and my dad's starting to notice."

"Oh no. What a shame." Rose is still holding her chin up with the back of her delicately placed fingers. "Thus ends the greatest years of my life."

"Let's hope so." You smile enough to actually laugh.

Rose starts grinning and laughing too. She must have taken those words as, 'die bitch!'

Jade starts cracking up again, taking the opportune chance to laugh again. She smacking your back, "I'm in!!!"

Rose tells Jade, "I'll message all of you the time and place shortly after class." She always sounds more like a teacher to you then a student. 

"Sounds good." Jade nods her head up and down. "Maybe someone should bring snacks from somewhere else then? Everything in IMAX is so overpriced."

"Says the richest girl in the world." Dave sounds so monotone as he teases her.

"Hey- uh.. It's my grandpa's money, okay?...not mine." Jade doesn't like when people bring that up to her, maybe Dave doesn't know yet. She's a strong willed girl, she'll let him know. "You're 'well off too' you know how it is..." Jade mumbles out the rest of her words. 

"Yes, Strider." Rose defends her, "the money isn't ours, and if you seem so inclined to ridicule Jade here, maybe you should be the one to pay."

"I don't mind buying popcorn and... whatever." Dave is looking up at the clouds. He seems disinterested with going to the movies with you three. Of course he is... he probably feels like he has better things to do with his time. After seeing the way Dave always dominates any sport he plays and how he's usually the first one out of homeroom for lunch he's probably got tons of friends way cooler than any of you... especially you... probably lots of girls... probably _likes_ those girls... He keeps chatting with Jade and Rose. He seems like he gets along with them.

"Can't wait to see you squirm in the theater, Strider." Rose mocks him.

Dave mutters under his breath, "god fuckin' damnit, Lalonde."

Dave takes in a deep breath and sighs. You do the same.

The bell rings, telling all of you that you have about five minutes to get to class. You sigh and decide to start walking. "I'll go on ahead, my class is all the way across campus..."

"I've gotta getta- you know..." You sigh. "I need to move on." 


	2. the memory of his eyes

_The first time you saw him it was on your first day of school. You strolled into homeroom in your big ass red sketchers and he caught your eye immediately. You stood in the doorway as you watched a boy bend down low to the ground. His messy ebony hair drew your eye to him, when you saw how large and sweet his bluebell eyes were, that stunned your heart. He was helping your homeroom teacher pick up all of the attendance sheets she dropped. He slowly straightened his back. He smiled at her as he handed her the papers. He looked over to where you were standing and you felt your heart simultaneously sink into your stomach and float into your throat. He slowly blinked his eyes closed as he tilted his head. When he opened his eyes back up again his lashes fluttered. His azure irises flickered with white, radiant light. He was staring right into the shades covering your eyes but you felt like he could see right through them. He asked you directly with the gentlest voice anyone's ever directed at you, "do you need anything?"_

_Right then and there you couldn't stop thinking about him. You wanted to start school in the first place to make friends, but you didn't imagine that you would find your future husband on the first day. From what you learned about him John Egbert always goes out of his way to help others. As luck would have it your only friend happened to be in a few classes with him and Rose already considered John a friend. _

_You asked her behind the school after classes were over if she knew him. _

_"Yes, I know Egbert personally." Rose sounded suspicious of something, she could see right through you. "We met last year through a mutual acquaintance. Why, exactly, do you ask?" _

_"Saw him in homeroom on our first day... hey- don't get to excited about this, but... I think I'm in love with him."_

_She just raised her eyebrows "wow," and nodded at you, "Does he even know your name?"_

_"No." You had to admit. He doesn't even know you, yet. _

_"Have the two of you ever..." Rose made a face like she was concerned, "spoken to each other?"_

_"He asked me if I needed help or something..." you remember every word verbatim. You play that scene in your head every night before you go to sleep, you don't need her judgement."...but I couldn't bring myself to say anything to him, he's just too... you know how he looks."_

_"Adorable?" Rose lowered her brows as far down as you think they can possibly go._

_You scratched the back of your neck."Yeah he's..." You dropped your hand and sighed._

_"He's out of my league, isn't he?"_

_It's rare that Rose ever laughs so hard that she has to grab onto herself. Once you said that to her she had to hold onto her stomach as she howled with laughter. She laughed so violently hard that she had to steady herself on the concrete wall behind her._

_It took several minutes for her to calm down from her laughing fit. After that y__ou bombarded her with questions about things that make him smile and what he was actually like. She confirmed for you that he was just as sweet as he looked. She helped you plan a few things out. She told you to ask him to walk off campus with you and then she told you to bring something_ _ to school with you so you could eat it while you were talking with John. If your mouth was full you'd have an excuse for why you were speechless around him. Of course you fucked that up. You got sauce all over his sleeves and he was sweet enough to laugh it off so you wouldn't feel like shit. The next day you gave him beef jerky during homeroom. Rose told you that he likes comedy so you thought maybe he'd like an apology gift that doubles as a pun. He ended up laughing in your face at how terrible your pun was. He laughed at you so hard that he had to leave to spare your feelings. He was still so kind, so he brought you a donut from home but he was so disinterested in you that he couldn't even bring himself to finish any sentence he said to you. You've been trying to bring yourself to talk to him for two entire weeks, every single day you picture walking up to him and asking him how he is and if he wants to hang out with you. __You've been feeling so defeated lately, you can only talk to him in your wildest fantasies. At least you got to know Rose’s friend, Jade, these past two weeks. She gleefully tells you things John talked to her about at lunch, that's how you found out that he has a peanut allergy. You keep praying that when you open your mouth to speak with him that random facts that you know about him don't just mercilessly pour out, like how he moved from Washington or that his dad loves to bake or that he's just as optimistic as he is skeptical or that he's a leo and your a sagittarius and that apparently makes you extremely compatible. God, you've been so desperate to find the words to talk to him, if you say any of that you're going to drop to the ground and bash your shades into the cement. _

_"Strider, I can arrange for the four of us to meet if you promise me that you'll actually say something to him."_

You were psyching yourself up all morning for today and well... the entire thing went just the way you expected...

“You saw that, right Jade?" You ask her. "He’s totally into Rose.”

”No he’s not.” Rose sounds annoyed at you.

”I don’t care what you have to say, I asked Harley." You can’t even bring yourself to look at Rose, or John for that matter, who is only a few feet ahead of you. "I’ve seen the way he talks to you.” 

Jade pats your shoulder. "He talks that way to the people he’s friendly with, if you get to know him he’ll act the same way to you.” Jade points up her finger. “Hold on- let me show you.”

**“John!"** Jade runs ahead to meet him. **"Hold on!"**

“Yeah?” John turns to face her. Your heart skips a beat when you see him push up the bridge of his glasses with one of his fingers. He looks so... _so sweet._

“How’s AP chem going for you?” Jade cheerfully asks him. 

"Sucks. It’s the hardest class I have." He answered her. "I’m barely getting by with a B right now.”

"Ouch, that blows.” Jade sucks air through her teeth, “a B for you must be as devastating as an A- is for me. That’s like a straight up F.”

"Thanks for your pity.” John sounds unamused, but he still has that cute joking tone that you wish that he'd use on you. “I’ll remember that next time you need a pick me up.” 

“Oh, would you prefer I offered you a shake and some fries?” Jake smugly asks. 

Your heart sinks a bit at Jade's offer to him, it sounds just like a date.

John starts up again, “then we can go to a drive by theater and I’ll take you out on a night in my convertible, what kind of 1950’s date are you offering me here?”

Jade doesn’t skip a beat, “the night of your life.”

”God, if only I could." He shakes his head. "I’m too busy studying for my next test in chem.”

Jade shook her head, ”well you just broke my heart, Egbert.”

”killed it?” John asks her.

”Yeah.” Jade fakes sounding hurt.

”I’ll bury it next to Rose’s shriveled out heart and then my own.” John sighs at her words.

”How about all four of us go out for pizza or something?” Jade offers, she turns around and winks at you then looks back at John, “sound good?”

John quickly glances behind him. John looks right at you and Rose, he looks back at Jade and answers, “sounds fun... but I don’t know... I really do need to fix my grades. I actually got a D on my last exam...”

”I can help you study if you need it.” She sounds concerned for him but she's keeping up her usual cheerful tone. "You're smart you'll fix your grades!" 

“Jade.” He sounds tired. “I think it might be time for me to... call it." He sighed as he shook his head. "There’s nothing I can do...”

”WHAT!?” Jade yelled at him. “NO! Come with me.” She grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him off to the other side of the campus as she huffed, “I skipped zero period for this!?”

“What was that about?” You ask Rose, a twinge of your fear and concern show up in your usually monotone voice. 

“Egbert’s probably refusing to hang out until his grades get back up again.” She looks down at her cell she just dragged out of her bag. 

You still sound concerned, “but his grades seem fine.”

She’s typing something into her phone with one hand as she replies to you, ”better than yours, that’s for sure.”

He’s here from a scholarship and high test scores, the rest of you three are here because your guardians are wealthy. Shit. If John found out your bro is a famous gay porn star you think you’ll bash your own skull in from how many times you’d slam your head into a wall. Regardless, the point is that John's grades are whats keeping him a float. 

“Listen.” Rose looked up at you, “I think he might be more interested in hanging out with us if he had a quote, unquote _‘guy friend’_ to_‘hang’_ with.” She paused for a moment and waited on a response for you, you gave her none. She sighed, “just talk to him during your homeroom. He’s shy at first but if you get to know him he’ll joke around with you and then who knows..." She sighs at you like she's groaning. "just try and get to know him."

”What’s the point... if we get to close than he won’t want to be more than friends." You tell her, "If I become his only guy friend then he won't want to ruin that."

"You think that's true?" She sounds annoyed with you. She hums out, "really? hmm."

"That or he could reject me and rip my heart to shreds." You let out a deep sigh from the depths of your lungs. "I don't even know if he likes guys."

"Oh, he likes boys." Rose was still staring down at her phone as she muttered out, "trust me on that one." 

"Great." You started rubbing one of your temples. 

She looked up from her phone to look at you and ask, "why such a harsh negative reaction to what I assume would be exceptional news to you?"

"Now that I know I have a chance it's going to sting that much more when he tells me he's not interested." You keep rubbing your temple, pressing down your two fingers up to your forehead, "and I can't even talk to him on my own."

Rose puts down her phone and lifts a hand up as she tells you, "I think you should at least try." She places her hands on your shoulder. "I think you should just take the leap."

You aren't sure what to do yourself.

Maybe you_ should_ take the leap...

or maybe you should just curl up in bed and stare at nothing until you fall asleep tonight.


	3. Budding Friendship

"What the fuck, John?!" Jade is yelling at you. "Aren't you like! **In love!?!?!**"

"Yeah- but..." You sigh. "He didn't seem like he was interested in even talking to me... and he's probably straight."

**"Hold on!"** Jade sounds furious with you. She got out one of her many smartphones. "I'm texting Rose."

She quickly tapped her fingers against the black glass of her screen as she dealt with you, she groaned. "What's the harm in hanging out with all of us?"

"My grades are actually starting to drop and you know I need to keep them up... I can't stop thinking about Dave and if he rejects me and breaks my heart then I really won't be able to focus."

She groans so hard it sounds like a growl. She pulls at a large strand of her hair as she waits for Rose to reply. She looks down at her phone. "She wants you to text her."

You sigh as you drag out your phone from your bag. 

* * *

what is it?

The plan is as follows;

One, meet Dave at the movies.

Two, Jade and I conveniently excuse ourselves out of attending.

Three, you spend a night at the theater with the so called "love of your life."

i'm not so sure that's a good idea anymore, rose.

dave doesn't seem interested in me.

I know him rather well. He is shy, just like you.

really??

* * *

Yeah...

You don't believe that shit.

"John, I have to get to class." Jade tells you.

"It's no problem." You point at your phone, "Rose's got you covered."

"Oh thank God! Bye!!!" She waves you off. 

You go back to messaging Rose,

* * *

Dave was home schooled until this semester. He had to enlist my mother's help in asking his "bro" if he could attend class.

John... Dave is actually not as much of a people person as you seem to believe.

but he was so nice to me, he brought me a gift and just caught me from falling while we were talking.

Yes, his random acts of kindness are an attempt to make friends

And well actually... He wants to get to know you.

REALLY?????

You take a moment before replying.

how do you know that?

I happen to be walking right besides him at the moment.

PUT YOUR PHONE AWAY!

if he reads any of our conversation i will die rose!

do you want that on your conscious?

I don't need the extra weight.

rose. please.

Fine. You have won. Dave won't stop his insistent bitching about some matter he's invested in anyway.

you have chosen the whiniest man I've ever known as a soulmate.

PUT

YOUR PHONE

AWAY!!!!!

Done.

* * *

If that's true, that he really does want to get to know you...

then maybe you really do have a chance...

If he wants to be friends and you already earned his attention maybe later on you can earn his heart...

or he could just be looking for a pal...

You pocket your phone and sigh as you stroll over to first period. 

He's already thinking of you as his friend...


	4. your full attention

You walk up next to his desk, he’s staring out the window and looking out at the clouds as he taps his pen against a sheet he placed inside of his chem book. You can see just how delicately placed his hand is on his chin. You look at how the back of his hair has a perfect spiral amongst his short messy locks. You slouch even more than your usual, you're luck that your breathless or you would be sighing right now.

You’ve been picturing yourself saying the words to him all day, 

“Hey, John.” 

He looks up at you, waiting for you to speak.”

“I was wondering...” you scratch the back of your leg with the top of your dress shoe, “if you wanted to eat lunch with me today?”

John opens his mouth to speak. He takes a moment to answer. “Sure... but I... usually eat lunch with Jade.”

”Yeah- I.” You clear your throat. “I usually talk with rose by the stairs but I thought... we could all sit together.”

He smiles softly up at you, he looks down at the floor, “sounds good.”

He gets out of his seat. He closes his text book and leaves it on his desk as he grabs his cell out of his bag. “You text Rose and I’ll text Jade.” He looks up at you after he asks you. His eyes are glistening with the fluorescent light above you. When he looks at you with such a sweet face like this it makes your heart ache. His brows are as black as his hair and are lowered below his adorable, rectangular glasses. You can see a tiny bit of the world’s cutest overbite. His face is slightly round but he still has a pointed chin. He’s so handsome and cute at the same time. He looks so sweet as he tilts his head and lowers his brows even further, “are you okay, Dave.”

You sigh out the word, "Yeah.” 

“Oh- you just seem... tired.” He tilts his head even more to the side. You have to fight yourself to not just lean down and kiss him. You’re already leaning into him. ‘Shit.’ You straighten your back and take out your phone. He asked you to do something...

”Wha- What did you ask me to do again?”

John snickered at you as he covers his mouth with his hand. “Jade told me you were a bit of an adorable space case." His hand jolts up. "Um... her words, not mine... I asked you...if you could maybe... text Rose.”

You instantly start typing on your phone and start texting her

* * *

i asked john if he wanted to eat lunch with us

Whoa.

And you are positive that you did that and not just daydream the whole affair?

hes in front of me

and shit rose

i can hardly get any words out

Yes, well... It would seem that I just got a message from Jade.

Congrats, the affair was real.

I’ll meet with her. You walk with John and grab some lunch.

Not too difficult, it's a three step plan:

Go with John to the cafeteria.

Grab lunch.

Sit down.

Can you handle that?

on my own?! 

You’ll survive. 

* * *

“Dave.” John is calling out your name again. Just that is enough to stop your heart. “Yes?”

”could you um... move just a bit...?”

”oh... okay...” you step towards him to get closer. “Uh-“ you crouch down next to him. “You wanna talk?”

His eyes are wide as he stares down at you. He looks surprised as he pulls his head back a bit. Maybe you’re too close?

”I thought we could talk on the way there.” He tilts his head again.

God, you really have to fight yourself. You want nothing more than to swoop him up to his feet and kiss him. Egbert is just so cute. Not only that but he called you adorable. He was quoting Jade but still, he called you _an adorable space case. _You slowly blink your eyes closed and open again underneath your shades as you let out a light sigh.

“Dave... I- Um..." John was talking, you drop everything your thinking about and listen, "shouldn’t we start walking?”

”oh- Uh...” You stand back up. Fuck! You are so awkward. He was asking you to move **out** of his way so he could stand up. You back up and give him room to move. John gets up out of his chair, delicately placing his fingers on his desk as he pushes himself up. Afterwards he turns to you and starts fiddling with his hands. You must have just weirded him out. John pointed behind him and to the side of the room, he looks at the door. “Let’s get a move on.” He nervously laughs. When he turns around you can see that he slapped his face with his open palm.

He doesn’t want to walk with you.

He doesn’t want to eat lunch with you either now. He probably regrets saying yes.

You follow behind him as he walks down the hall and the stairs.

You completely messed this up.

You walk down the stairs, trailing behind him.

Trying hard not to show your undying self-loathing. 

No one else is in the halls or on the staircase, still you feel embarrassed as you stab your fist against your forehead.

As you are beating yourself up, John started to trip down one of the steps. You instantly rush down the next few steps and catch him in your arms. Both of your hands are wrapped around his waist. He lands right into your chest, his face buried underneath your collar. You pull him up to his feet. “Careful there.” 

John lifts up his head to look at you, his mouth is wide open like he wants to say something. You keep holding onto his waist as you stare down at him. You lightly say the words, “that could have been bad. I’m glad I was here.” 

You can feel him gasp and struggle to breathe in air.

You don’t care if you just weirded him out, you’d rather he think less of you then ever get hurt.

He lightly breathes out the words, “I am too.”

You smile down at him as you gently let go off his waist. You didn’t even notice John’s arms were wrapped around your chest until he slowly let go of you. You can feel your heart racing. Was your heart beating like this the entire time? You rub the back of your neck as you walk ahead of him down the last staircase. 

You both made it out of the building, you held the door open for him. He sheepishly thanked you and brushed past you as quickly as he could walk. You sighed. He's so shy around you, it's so cute. 

You followed behind him. Putting both of your hands in your blazer pockets, hoping that will get rid of all of the sweat on your palms when John suddenly gets a chime on his phone.

“Jade just messaged me.” John lifted up his phone. He read Jade's words out loud for you, “You two took to long so I bought you both lunch.” He kept looking down at his phone as he tells you, “Rose just asked, ‘is he having his way wi-' you know what!" He puts his phone back in his pocket. "We should just hurry up- they are waiting for us!” John picked up the pace and you followed his lead. You rushed over to his usual table.

Rose and Jade were sitting down right next to each other and clearly expected that you sit down next to John. You quickly take your seat, hoping that your speed covered up how nervous you are. 

"Thanks for the food Jade." John gratefully thanked her.

You followed his lead again, "thanks. That's cool of you."

"Oh my god." Jade quickly covered her smile full of silver. "If Strider said it then I'm officially cool."

"Sorry but you're sitting next to me, the weird goth chick." Rose crossed her arms and smiled at Jade, "that puts you below the band kids." 

"I'll never make it in with the cool kids." Jade pretended to sound defeated and then perked up all of a sudden. "Maybe if I join the cheer squad!"

"Sorry, I was just at tryouts the other day." John joined the two of them in their weird conversation. "I took the last spot."

"Oh god." Rose's laugh sounded down right spiteful, "I can't wait to see you in a mini skirt." She kept chuckling, "again."

She's only saying that to make you picture it. You aren't falling for it. You start downing the cup of water that Jade brought you. 

John leaned in and whispered. "baby, don't tell these guys about our tuesday nights." 

You almost spit the water back. He is so fucking funny. 

"What were you two really doing?" Jade asked John specifically. 

”I was just clumsy..." John started scratching the back of his head and put down his hand to gesture to her as he spoke, "I almost tripped down the staircase but Dave caught me.”

The two of the girls in front of you both were dead silent for a brief moment. Rose smiled at you, “well that can’t be the only reason you two took so long.”

"Uh," You are slow to answer. "I might have thought... that he wanted to talk...”

"I do!” John perked up. “I Uh- I wanted to say that I am looking forward to when we all go to the movies!”

"Really!?” Jade perked up. “Like really, really!?” She always gets so easily excited. 

"Just like Rose asked.” John nodded at Jade with a smile. He directed his attention at you, “I think we should... talk more.” He looked down at the table and grabbed his fork. He poked into the salad in front of him and started eating. A tiny bit of lettuce is sweetly sticking out of his mouth. He quickly raised a hand to cover his darling, adorable face. He looked back up at you when he noticed that you were watching. You softly and laggardly tell him,

”Jade told me you can be a bit shy until you get to know people.”

”oh, oh yeah! I am really shy... just so so shy.” John shakes his head as he speaks, he looks so cute as he lightly closes his eyes and starts nodding. “I’m just... you know..”

_'Cute? Perfect? Irresistible?’_

"...kind of a nerd.” He mutters out the word as he scratches the back of his head. 

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” You look over at Jade. She lifts up her neck and tilts her head like she’s asking you, ‘the fuck are you looking at me for?’

Rose snickers at her look. 

John looks over at the two girls. Rose talks to him, “you know John, Dave is actually kind of a nerd too, he’s been coding websites himself since we were kids.”

John smiles at her and shoots his head around to look back at you, “is that true?!”

You didn’t think John would be so impressed by that, “Yeah, my bro taught me...”

”wow.” He looks up at the ceiling. “You’re so cool!”

Your heart jumps right into your throat. Shit, you’re sweating now. When he turns to you, you don’t know what to say so you bite into your burger Jade bought you. John bites into his too. You just eat until the bell rings again. Thankfully John didn’t want to talk until you offered to throw out his tray, as you expected he thanked you. You cherish his words but still, he doesn’t need too, John’s to good to have to walk all the way to the trash bin that's five long feet away from his seat, of course you have to take care of him. When you got back he waited for you as the girls left. 

“We can walk back together.” He quickly blurred out the words, he must be afraid that you’ll just walk away like you usually end up doing so he wanted to get the words out as fast as possible. _'So sweet.' _You aren't going to run from him any more. He deserves to know that he has your full attention. 

“Yeah.” You smile at him. “Let’s go, man.”


	5. It's Not a Date

When school got out you hurried as you biked back home, you ran upstairs and fell backwards onto your bed. 

You couldn't stop texting Rose and Jade about what you have been thinking about all day! and also what you were talking about when you were watching him run track during gym with Rose. and what you were doodling in your notebook in your psych class. 

* * *

he caught me! He looked me right in the eyes and told me, “careful there.” 

he told me “that could have been bad. i’m glad i was here.”

and he held onto me!

it was just like a dream!!

**JUST LIKE IN MY DREAMS!!!!**

Whoa. 

I’m so happy for you John!!!!!

What else happened while you two were alone?!

well he crouched down besides me earlier and asked me if i wanted to talk. he was so close to me i could hardly breathe!

i was trying to fight myself, just saying "oh, he’s just a friend. he doesn’t like you..." but when he caught me and held me, i just felt like we could be together!

like it was meant to be

i am so going through with your plan!

we’re doing it!!

don’t let me back out rose!!!!

I won’t.

* * *

Just like you all planned, tonight your dad is driving you to meet up with Dave in the theater. Just Dave and Dave alone, none of your other friends... you have to get out of here! 

hey, jade i suddenly don’t feel so good so.

rose told me that if you get cold feet to remind you that dave will be so heart broken if he shows up to the theater and all of his friends are a no show

wow.

yeah... shes a master at manipulating peoples emotions...

now make the dream a reality!!!

wow can't wait for him to show up with roses and sweep me off my feet to see a better movie.

if it wasnt a horror movie it wouldn’t seem like rose would want to go, now would it!??

now go! chop chop!

GO!!!!

fine.

you win. but i’m going to be so disappointed when we don’t have an impromptu wedding in the middle of the theatre. 

we couldn’t find a priest, they’re all booked

bummer.

guess i have to pull through with just a fake date.

* * *

You thanked your dad and waved him off. You decided to head inside to wait for Dave, and when you step through the door you see him standing in the middle of the theatre waiting on you. 

You've never seen in wearing casual clothes in person before. He's wearing a grayish sweater with a record disk logo in the middle of it. He has on a short ocean blue jacket and tight black pants. No wait, they are navy blue. Either way, they look good on him. He's wearing some kind of white designer sneakers. He loves expensive shoes, you don't get the hype at all but he looks so good in everything he wears. He looks like a model posing for a photoshoot when he lifts up one hand from his pants pockets and waves at you. 

He looks so good, makes you feel like a fucking idiot for only wearing black jeans and a sweater over one of your white button ups. UGH! You only wore it because you knew the theatre would be cold and you were NOT going to ask Dave for his jacket. You nervously waltz up to him, hoping that you seemed casual and not like a sheep knowingly walking into the slaughter.

You finished walking up to him and sheepishly lifted up a hand to great him, "h-hi." You quickly put your hand back down and looked over at the ticket counter as you spoke, "did you um... already get your ticket?"

"I was thinking of getting it when I buy all of us some popcorn."

"That is so kind of you." You take a breath to say more but stop yourself, 'that is so kind of you.' God! You sound like a total idiot! 

"Thanks," Dave patted at his jacket pocket and you heard his hand smack against something hard, like a hollow box and then something small rattling in his pockets. "I actually brought us some candy like Rose said."

"Didn't Jade say that?"

"Oh, they uh both texted me before you got here."

You feel your heart drop. If Rose told Dave to bring you candy on this makeshift fake movie date you are going to flip metaphorical shit.

"She said uh- crunch is your favorite."

You softly smile at him, "that's right."

That's right. You are going to kill her.

You tilt your head and close your eyes as you tell him, "let's wait for the girls."


	6. cosmic, thalassic, empyrean

When John walked in it was like the world slowed down. A gust of air pushed back his untamey black hair. Ebony locks fluttering, just like his lashes. He was wearing an adorable royal blue sweater that was a bit too large for him. For some reason he lowered his brows and looked off to the side like he was thinking about something, he looked so handsome when his brows framed his eyes like that. Slowly he placed one foot in front of another. Completely entracing you with the simple, but flawless, way he walks. The way he gazes away from you, lightly looking to the side. Then he skillfully placed his gaze onto you and then turned his head to adjust back into place with his pure blue eyes.

If he was trying to win your heart. He had it. That's of course... **if** he was... 

When he finished walking up to you he slowly and delicately lifted up a hand to great you. His cologne smells like wood, apple and the air out at night. A vibrant, midnight mist. He gently tilted his head to fully look at your face. His sapphire blue eyes gazed up into your glasses and lightly fluttered closed and opened. Whenever he blinks at you like that the worlds stops. No. The world always stops for John Egbert. 

You chatted with him for a little bit. When you told him you were planning on buying all of them popcorn he told you, "that is so kind of you." You almost completely collapse. He really thought you were being thoughtful. He actually complemented you and sounded so content and pleased by what you said. You are just completely captivated by his voice. The way he just spoke to you in that moment you want him to speak that way to you every single day for the rest of your life. He softly smiled at you. He seemed so happy that you brought him his favorite box of chocolates. He smiled so brightly that he had to close his eyes. _'God.'_ You let your knees buckle a bit when he did that. He is destroying every part of your heart and he barely said anything to you. You are so glad that you have on a jacket so you can hide your hands, which are completely clammy and shaking. You are wrapping your fist around your phone and squeezing it when suddenly you feel it vibrate. You tell John that "I got a message." _'Yeah, clearly dumb ass. He knows!'_

* * *

Would you happen to be at the cinema right now?

yeah

Is John with you?

yeah?

Jade just informed me she has to cancel and I can not attend either.

My cat seems ill, I have to take care of him.

right

Yes. Once again, I am very sorry.

i know what youre up to lalonde

FUCKIN trapped me in this bitch

I haven't the foggiest idea what you mean. Now enjoy the film.

I have to go pick up my cat from the groomers or whatever my convenient lie was.

Have a good time.

no

nononono rose

rose i cant do this alone

im going to die here and its your fault

* * *

It's no use. She stopped messaging you back completely. You sighed and pocketed your phone again. You left both of your hands in your jacket pockets. You squeezed onto whatever you could grab as you built up the nerve to say,

"Rose and Jade just cancelled on us."

"They did?" John lowered his brows and looked at the floor. "Well..." He looked back into your shades and smiled. That is enough to stop a man's heart. He shouldn't do this to people, it's downright cruel. He says with his kind, caring voice, "we could still watch the movie together if you want?"

You sigh out, "yeah." You look down at him. You gaze into his perfectly cornflower blue eyes. You wonder if the sea ever gets jealous of his eyes. You wonder to yourself if the sunset is ashamed that it is in no way as beautiful as his smile. You take a moment to wonder if the rain is embarrassed that it can never sound as peaceful as the voice of John Egbert. 

_John Egbert._

_John._

"Dave?" He tilted his head as he gave you a concerned, but lovingly handsome, smile, "are you okay?"

"Yeah." You snap back into focus. Once you make it to your seats you can zone out all you want, gotta work hard right now to earn his interest. 

"Okay." John nodded. "Then uh... let's go get our um... ticketssss..." He held out the last syllable of his words as he turned away from you and began to walk to the ticket counter.

Oh god, oh no. You must have just weirded him out. Those eyes could stop the world, you aren't surprised if they could read minds. He probably figured that you were standing around and awkwardly thinking about how John's face is more breathtaking then a waterfall trickling down a mountain or that his hands look softer then lofi beats.

You walk up behind him to join him in line. He didn't say anything to you as you stood in line and you couldn't bring yourself to say anything to him. When you were finally at the end of the line you decide to walk up with him to the next open counter. Without thinking you ask for two tickets to the movie Rose wanted to see. John looked up at you like he wanted to say something. You continue on anyway, "can I get a large popcorn and two large drinks?" Wait, John is always polite, he probably wants you to be too, "please." When he gives you the total John reaches into his pocket for his wallet. You swipe yours out as quickly as you can and say "I've got this," as you handed the man behind the counter your debit card. 

John looked stunned at you, he opened his mouth like he was trying to find the words to reject your offer. There was so much tension building up in your chest you think your heart is about to burst lose. Still you press on, you take your card back and press in your pin. The man behind the counter handed you your two ticket stubs. Afterward, he handed you two large cups. 

You held up one of the cups to John, you couldn't help yourself you gave him a grin and then immediately forced your lips back together again to cover your doofy smile. Just thinking about him makes you smile like your brainless, being right next to him literally makes you thoughtless. Only thing you can think of is him. You only remember that you just bought John a drink because the cup is right here in your hand. 

"Oh no. I can't take this." John sounded like he was trying to refuse, he immediately gave in after you shook it a bit. He took it from your hand with both of his own and sweetly held it up to his chest, "you are too kind, Dave." He lowered his brows again and looked off to the side. If he feels so bad about it then maybe you can offer him something,

"How about next time the two of us are together, you buy the drinks?"

His eyes widened a bit at your words, he turned his head back to look at you, "I- I would um-" His throat must be dry, he just gulped mid-sentence, "I would love too."

He took both of your cups and agreed to pour you your drink of choice if you went to the other side and got the popcorn bucket filled up. 

You watched John toil away at the machine as you rested your arm on the counter. He was filling his own cup with ice and waving his head back and forth like he was humming to himself. You finished waiting and brought the bucket over to John as he finished pouring your drink. You listened to him sweetly hum a song to himself. You have to clench onto your chest to keep your body from curling in on itself, he is so adorable enough as it is, but now he's humming to himself as he's making you a drink. When this is over you are bringing that cup with you home, washing it out and keeping it up on your shelf to hold all of your pens. It's too special now to just throw away!

John brought the cup over to the counter besides him to fit it with a top and he put in a straw for you! You grab down tighter on your sweaters logo. No. You have to pull yourself together, if he turns around and finds you watching him as you clench your chest he's going to think you're having a heart attack. With how much pain you're in, you probably are. You wipe down your logo to get rid of the wrinkles and walk up next to John. You played the words three times in your head before you spoke them,

"You took care of everything, thanks man." 

John finally noticed you were behind him and turned to face you, "well... you um... you're the one who- who bought everything." John was staring down at the freshly buttered popcorn in your hands. "It was the least I could do."

"Can you carry the drinks?" You held up the tickets you just got for the two of you, "I'll hand over the ticket stubs."

_'Did that sound stupid? That sounded stupid.'_

"No problem." He smiled up at you.

As you both walked over John trailed besides you. He sounded like he was struggling with holding two drinks that large. The ice in his cup just kept shaking. You turned over your stubs and got them stamped. You are going to hold onto this forever too. You hope that you don't turn this into a habit, you can only keep so many keepsakes before you have a shrine and you are **not** going that in deep with this, that would be too awkward of a conversation to have with him when you're married.

When you find your theater you sit all the way in the back and you, yourself, are sitting right next to a wall. Next to no one is around you two and you are almost sitting in the middle of the theater. You couldn't ask for things to be more perfect. When you take your seat John sips out of his drink as he hands you yours. All of a sudden he pulls it away from you. "Oh!" He sounds surprised "actually..." He hands you the drink he just sipped from. "This was yours- I just... I'm sorry I didn't mean to... I can rinse it out if you want."

**"No."** You think you were a bit too quick in answering that but at least you didn't raise your voice at his offer. "Don't worry, it's cool." You take the drink he just sipped from. You are trying your best not to let show that you are shaking. You move to put your lips around where he just put his. He made you a drink and then he sipped it while he's sitting down next to you in the movies!

It's like the planets aligned in a full equinox and blessed your _soul._

John took the bucket of popcorn from you and already started snacking on it. Eating each piece one by one. He thanked you again, "this was uh... really cool of you Dave. Thanks." You're glad the theater is already so dim, you don't want him to notice that you're blushing,

"It's no problem, John."

You sat through the previews sipping on sweet caramel syrup through a straw that John himself put his lips on. You sigh after you take yet another sip. The trailers came to a close as the theater got even dimmer. The movie started up and John scooted to the end of his seat. Maybe you should have asked him if he could see the movie well enough.

You lean forward to look at him. He isn't squinting, he is just looking wide eyed at the screen. The screen was projecting nothing but the title. Now there was an image filmed from the view of the bottom of the ocean looking up to the surface. The deep blues on the screen reflected onto John's face and his glasses. You're probably going to be watching him instead of the movie tonight but it was worth every cent.

Just looking at how excited John is to see this film is melting your already dripping, mushed up heart. John doesn't know when to quit does he?

You sat your drink down besides you and rested your arm on the arm rest as you watched John. Lucky he decided to scoot back into his chair so you could see his perfect face. John turned his head to look up at you. You smiled at him and looked back at the screen and pretended you knew anything about the movie that was playing. John tapped your shoulder lightly to get your attention back. When you turned to look at him he simply tilted his head and asked, "can you see with your shades on?"

You were so used to wearing your shades it was a strain to deal with the lighting in school some days, but it is dark in here. You take off your shades and look into his eyes.

He parted open his lips like he wanted to say something. This time, you tilted your head and asked him, "are you alright?"

John lightly breathed out the words, "I've never seen eyes like yours."

That stopped your heart completely. He was gazing deep into your eyes. Your completely red irises and your ruby red pupils. He leaned in a bit closer to get a better look. You would give him all the time in the world to just do nothing but stare into your eyes. He opened his mouth to speak again but there was a loud thud coming from the projector. He jumped up.

You place your glasses on the top of your head when you notice that he doesn't seem like he wants to gaze into your eyes again, still you're giving him the chance.

You're starting to love your eyes if it means that John is enamored by how strange they look. You don't care if he thinks they look bizarre, just as long as he looks into your eyes you're more than happy. 

You just remembered that you brought him candy. You dig into your pockets and unwrap the plastic for him. He noticed that you are making some noise so he looked back at you and at your hands. You handed him his favorite snack and he handed you back the popcorn bucket he was holding. His hand lightly grazed over yours as he took the candy from your grasp. 

You sigh as you watch him gently tap the chocolate clusters into his hands and eat them. He must have noticed that you were staring at him, he turned to you and shook the box as he asked you, "would you like some?" The way he spoke the words sent your heart into a crash course with your throat. "Ye-Eah." In the middle of saying that word you got a voice crack. You coughed and then repeated yourself, "yeah." You were hoping that he didn't notice that you were clenching your teeth under your forced half-smile. You quickly wiped your sweaty palm down and then laid out your hand. He lightly placed his fingers under your hand to keep it in place as he tapped some chocolates into your hand. When he turns away you scarf them down before the can melt in your hand. You clasp down on the popcorn bucket with your shaking hands. You are so twisted up inside. You try your best to focus on the movie but you missed the first fifteen minutes maybe twenty, you aren't sure. You start watching the screen regardless. This movie is probably about ghosts or a water poltergeist or something. 

Suddenly a pale hand pops up on screen, quickly grabbing onto the camera. The music is blaring on the speakers. John jolted in his seat. He grabbed your sleeve and held on to you. His grasp is so tight around your arm, it's making your heart race. You feel a blush creep across your face and flair all the way up to the tips of your ears. You hold yourself steady as he grips onto you tighter.

"Oh!" John noticed that he was grabbing onto you.

Much to your dismay, he pulls away from you and looks up into your eyes. "I'm sorry."

You leaned in and whisper to him, "don't worry about it." 

He nervously started scratching one of his arms. Maybe you shouldn't have leaned in so close that you were practically in his ear._ 'God, I suck at this.'_

You keep tapping on the bucket of popcorn and watch John instead of the screen again. He seems like he isn't so anxious about the film anymore. Now he is starting to lean against his arm rest as he picks out individual pieces of popcorn out of the bucket on your lap. He is so close to you right now. 

You yawn and stretch out your arms without thinking, oh no. Now you have to think about where you are going to place your hand. He is taking up the entire arm rest. You start lowering your arm like you are going to place it around him. He seems tense, maybe you shouldn't do it... but you want to. You hover your hand over John's back. If you are going to do it you should just do it! You pull your arm down and- Just then he jolts up again from something on screen. He grabs onto you, fully wrapping his arms around your chest. He places his forehead on your cheek. He gasps and then pulls away from you. He covers his face with one of his hands and whispers to you again, "I- I'm sorry!" 

You whisper back, _"don't be." _

John stiffens up completely as you stare at him. He looks like he’s stunned. Shit. You must have just weirded him out! You sit up with your popcorn in hand, “I have to go to the bathroom.” 

“Oh-Okay." You already started walking down the isle as he waved you off, "bye Dave."

You look down, you just realized something. You walked back and handed him the bucket of popcorn. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him or say goodbye to him after. You just took off for the urinal. When you finished up and washed your hands you realized you have the chance to call out rose for the shit she pulled on you by messaging her on the group chat.

* * *

rose 

it took her over a minute to respond. If she had the bright idea to force you on a manufactured fake date with John then she could at least respond to your messages right when you send them. 

i know you arent doing shit right now

where are you?

Yes, Strider?

why did you do this to me!?

I hope that you are aware that this was Jade's idea too. I am not entirely to blame for what is definitively, and you can't argue against that, the greatest night of your life.

where are you right now, dave?!

in the bathroom 

i had to get away

he just kept jumping and holding onto me

Sounds to me like you had a good time.

are you kidding me?

it was a fucking nightmare

i just wanted to grab onto him and not let go

oh!?

soothe him?? stroke his hair???

I'd give anything to be in John's place at this moment. Oh what a girl like me would give to hold onto Dave's clammy palms.

just

dont surprise me like this again

If we told you we were going to cancel, would you have gone?

i dont have to answer that

Yes, you do not.

But at least be honest with yourself. 

sure

fine i love this

yayyy!!! that is great dave!

youre going to do great! 

but im worried hes going to start getting to used to me as his "guy friend"

if he starts thinking of me as a good friend than he might not want to get

you know...

closer to me

yeah, its better to stay cool and aloof

That is a surefire way to get him to reciprocate your emotions, stay unapproachable.

i get it

Then understand why we need to do this again next week.

what

rose! dont tell him that!

what the fuck are you planning?

Something that you'll both love.

ROSE!!!

Well, he seems to hate being alone with the "love of his life."

You can’t think of a time you ever called John that but it’s pretty fitting.

i dont hate it

its just

okay he clinged onto me and apologized saying he was sorry and shit and i just leaned in and whispered 

"dont be"

ohhhh!!! hehehehe!!!!! 

That sounds rather smooth, especially for you.

i got chills!!!

That is the line of a porno that canters the intro over to the main scene.

Perhaps he'd be fain to carry out such acts if you took off your shades and showed him your eyes.

i already did smartass

woooohhhoo!!!!!

have you considered making this date a little more interesting?

its not a date

i think that all thats missing is you cutting a hole in the bottom of the popcorn and... 

dont you fuckin think about finishing that sentence

I second the notion of you both having a little movie theater rendezvous. We promise not to speak of your popcorn induced tryst.

fuck

you

both

fuck

him

...maybe?

he was so stiff after i said that he couldnt even say anything back

he just looked like i threatened him or something

maybe youre getting him to feel what you feel for him? Hmmm :)

Maybe you should go back in the ring strider. Pin him down.

heheheh!

its official

im waiting in here till the movies over

noooo! hes scared! dont leave him alone!!!

Yes. Picture how he’d feel if you just abandoned him.

hes just going to be wondering where you are!!!

Or he’s going to believe that you’re constipated.

okay

you win

yayyy!!!!

:D

but if he holds onto me what do i do?

rub his arm!

let him know its okay for him to hold you!

hes going to think im pulling a move or something 

even if he does, so what?

its better than doing nothing 

I think you should follow your intuition.

Go with your instincts and do what feels right.

if this turns into another sex joke rose

Then let's stop here and pretend that it's honest advice.

i agree on the stopping part

get back out there!!!

fine

* * *

You walked back to the theatre and when you opened the door you were greeted with the sound of screeching violins. The scene was starting to get tense so you rushed down the hall, you took off your jacket and started climbing up the stairs. You stepped over the almost empty bucket of popcorn on the floor and took your place next to John. Right when you placed your jacket on the ground he jumped up again and clutched onto your arm. He nearly pulled his arms off of yours but you quickly, and gently, placed a palm over his sweater sleeve. You rubbed his elbow. There was another loud crash from something on the screen. John jumped again. You kept rubbing his arm up and down from his shoulder to his elbow. He rested his cheek against your shoulder. Even after the scene ended he kept holding onto your arm. You could feel your blood pumping all throughout your body. You are so tempted to rest your head against the top of his. You can't bring yourself to go that far. You are already stroking his arm, he is definitely going to pick up that you want to be with him if you go any further. His untamed black hair just brushed past your cheek as he squeezed your arm tighter. The movie kept him jumping, so much so you started to get angry with the film that was scaring him so much. You kept rubbing him until the movie was over and the credits began to roll. Regretfully, you had to let go of him. 

You carried out the bucket and the rest of the trash. You completely forgot that you bought cinnamon red hots for yourself so your just going to save them for class tomorrow. You asked him to carry the drinks so you could refill them for the ride home. He insisted on refilling yours again because you bought the drinks. He is so kind. When you got out you needed to lower your shades again, the lighting was killing you. Maybe you shouldn't have picked up your brothers habit of always wearing shades at all times. It's a drug that's hard to quit.

John started filling up his own cup with ice and cream soda. You leaned on the counter with one arm as you watched him, melting right next to where they keep the lids and straws. He glanced over at you and opened his mouth to speak, you try to stop yourself from grinning, you fail. He looked back at your drink as he refilled it. "That was some movie, hu?" He still looked a bit shaken by it.

"Eh." You shrugged as you pulled yourself off of the counter. "It was okay."

John handed you back your drink. He left his own right next to you.

"I uh... I guess I should call my dad." John began to dig into his pockets to find his phone.

"I can drive you home." You didn't think before you spoke, but you also didn't regret it.

"Ye-yeah?" He seems surprised at your offer.

You walk with him into the parking garage down the street. When you get to your car you show him which one it is by getting the car door for him. As you began to pull open the door to his side you look up into his eyes. He stares at you for a while. “Are you... going to... um let me in?”

"Oh!" You turned to face the door and then looked back at him. "Yeah... it just gets stuck sometimes.”

You held open the door for him as you walked backwards. You shut it for him and made your way around to your side. You took off your shades again and pocketed them in your jacket. Maybe he'll want to get a better look at them now that the movie is over. When you got in, you noticed John put both of your drinks away for you and than... _'fuckin' great.'_ You forgot the floor is filled with plastic bags and old fast food wrappers. 

Still when you look up at John he says, "this is a nice car.”

"It was my bro's, but he handed it down to me after it got a few scratches.”

"oh!" He perked up. When he looks like that it sends your heart flying, "so those dents were from before you got it?”

"oh no... I made those.” You scratch the back of your neck with your nails. 

He snorted and than covered his face with his hands. “Sorry." He removed his hands from his face and awkwardly smiled at you. "I just think it’s a bit... funny.”

You didn't mean to, but you slightly tilted your head as you asked, "really?”

”Yeah I..." He nervously glances down at your stick shift and then up at you. "I think you are really cool and... you seem like you’re good at sports and I thought- I don’t know I thought you’d be good at everything... and you then- th-then you told me that you dented the side of your car yourself and... I you know... I think.. you just... you look really... cool..."

"You thought I was... good at everything?" 

John honestly thinks that about you? He thinks you seem... like that?

You ask him as you look in his eyes, "why?"

"Well you just seem... I don’t know...”

"Unapproachable?” You finish the thought as you glance away from him and tilt your head.

"no!" He shot his hands up. "Well maybe a bit... but I really want to get to know you more... but... it’s just...” he sighs. “You’re really intimidating to talk to.”

"I- I am...?” You know that you probably are. You must seem so cold and distant.

"After you... bought me that beef jerky I just.." He started scratching his forehead with one of his fingers. Lightly pushing up his bangs. "It was such a funny gift. I don’t think I can keep up with how cool and funny you are so I just... tried to wait on you to talk to me and then you never did...”

"I... I have the same problem..." you confess. "You’re really funny yourself... and I push jokes to far sometimes... I don’t want to scare you off.”

"You could never.” After he spoke the words he covered his mouth with his hands and looked up at you. Most of his face was covered by his hands, his eyes peering at you. Glistening. Sparkling. You want to tell him just how beautiful his eyes look. You lean down and allow for him to stare into your unmasked eyes. You open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out, not so much as even air. _Nothing._ You can't bring yourself to even speak. John slowly removes his hands off his face as he gazes into your red eyes with his celestial eyes, twinkling like the heavenly bodies of the sky. Are the stars jealous of John Egbert's natural pull? Jealous of his eyes beauty? The tips of his fingers finish rubbing down his lips and rest on his chin. You can not speak. You don't have the words to find that can properly explain that his eyes are like the glising ocean, the endless cosmos, the warm sky at dusk, the delicately soft petals of a bachelor button. Each day that passes John blesses your nightly thoughts with light kisses till you drift to sleep. John makes your legs feel numb. John makes your head spin. John makes your heart twist like he's ringing it like a rag. With each smile he gives you he makes your heart soar like a dove. Each word he speaks makes your heart melt like red, hot wax. You cherish the sheets that he hands out in class and that single conversation you had at lunch. You adore his kettle black hair and a smile just as warm as his heart. You want to be the shore of the glistening ocean. You want to be drift among the stars in the vast open space. You want to bathe in the dull sunlight peeking through the deep blue skies. You want to run your fingertips along the soft blue petals of John Egbert's soul. You keep trying to find the words to say. To tell him how exactly he makes you feel. How blissful you feel in this very moment, all of your fear fades away like the daylight and it's replaced with the shining ray of John Egbert's eyes. You keep trying to utter words. Breathlessly faltering. Nothing. Nothing can leave your lips. _No words you could say would be worthy of describing how perfect, peerless, unmatched, unrivaled, how... indescribable John is. Nothing comes even close to how perfect he is in his very nature... just..._

_"John." _

_You breathe out the word like it is air. You whisp out the word like it is all you need to say. The word is filled with every aching part of your heart but it sounds as if you are speaking from the lightest, freest part of your soul. There is no word to describe the seer amount of emotion and ache and passion bundled into how you spoke his name... no... you spoke his name with... love._

_John stares up at you. His eyes widen. His fingers delicately lower off of his chin and onto your chest he lifts up his hands to your chest and lightly rubs his palms between his blazer and your sweater. He sweetly grabs onto your shoulders as he raises his chin to meet your lips with his. He softly kisses you and completely pulls away. He turns towards the window behind him and brings his clasped hands up to cover his sweetly embarrassed face. He looks like he is in anguish as he apologizes,__"_ _Dave, I- I'm so sorry."_

_You lean into his seat and lightly lift up his chin, with one hand, towards you as you whisper the words, "don't be." _

_Just then, he forcefully mashes his lips against yours. Grabbing onto your jacket and pulling you into him. Humming into your mouth how he's been faltering to say the words to express his love for you just like you've been failing to describe your love in the same unadulterated way. There's no words that need to ride the air between you and him._ _No. You just need to kiss him. You just need to-_

"Dave?" 

You blink a few times. You were zoning out. You've been stuttering for god knows how long. You clear your throat as you face forward in your seat and grab your wheel. 

"I'm sorry, I am just tired."

"Yeah... and that movie was pretty...uh... scary." John is actively trying to make this entire disaster less awkward for the both of you... He is just so kind. 

"Yeah..." You sigh and you dig your keys out of your jacket pocket and stick it in the ignition. Music from your playlist sparks up as soon as your car starts,

_'Let me love you down, even if it takes all night.' _

Your eyes widen and you quickly shut them. Hoping that John didn't see your reaction. The soft vocals and electric beat sound more than just romantic. That and... the lyrics.

_'Let me love you down, you know it's got to be so right.'_

You press the skip button on your wheel to another song as you begin pulling on your stick shift and backing out. Thankfully the next song that played was from one of your favorite hip-hop albums. You know it's mainly just sci-fi concepts and this song isn't about... well it's best just to focus on the road now and get John back home.

"Dave?" He asks for your attention. "Is it okay if I plug in my address in your phone? Mine's almost dead."

”Sure.” You pulled up maps and handed it to him.

wait...

_'Shit!'_ If he sees that your screensaver is a photo of him that Jade took for you- 

"Here you go." He handed it back to you. 

"Thanks, if you want you can charge your phone. The uh- wire is in the armrest." You lift it up and pull it out for him. After he takes it he smiles up at you and thanks you again. Your beating heart starts to drip and- you try to focus on the road. You can't let yourself get distracted. If you run a red light you’re only going to freak him out. You focus on getting him home, pressing your foot down on the clutch and shifting gears.

"Wow." 

You turned your head and looked at John after he spoke. He was looking down at your hand that you were resting on top of your shift. He noticed that you were looking at him so he straightened up his back and smiled at you, "I uh- I'm just impressed that you can strive dick. You make it look so easy!"

"Yeah." You turn back to the road. "I actually learned how to drive in this car, driving manual feels a lot better than automatic."

"Yeah. Uh." John nodded. "I actually, I um.. don't know how to drive."

"Oh well, if you ever need a ride I don't mind driving you." You instantly offered him. 

"That's really kind of you!" He sounded really ecstatic about that. "You're always so nice, Dave!"

He really feels that way about you! You’re glad you offered but still... he’s killing you...

You grip your hands tightly around your wheel and clench your teeth together with all the force you can muster. You are trying so hard to keep yourself from curling in on yourself or grasping at your chest or kissing him on the cheek for how fucking cute he just sounded. He seems so happy. Shit. You need to focus on the road. Did you miss the next turn. No, but it's coming up. John's almost out of the car. When he leaves you can freak shit. For right now just focus on the road. Focus on the music. Focus on which town house is his. Stop flipping shit! John points out one of the homes in front of you. You have to resist grabbing his hand and holding it close to your chest. You just focus on parallel parking and not accidently hitting his dad's car, whichever one it is. 

John quickly gets out of your car. He walks onto the sidewalk and waves you goodbye as he clasps down onto his drink. It still must be to big for him to hold. The ice in the cup is shaking.

Once he shut the door to the front of his home, you scrambled to find your phone.

* * *

i offered to drive him home

i held the door open for him

then i think

i think

i dont know

i think i almost kissed him while he was in the car

gasp!!!

what about while you were in the theatre!?

did you hold onto him???

he held onto me

then i stroked his arm for the rest of the film

**GOAAAAALLLL!!!!!**

and you have GOT to be happy with that one folks!!!!!!!

wheres rose?

um...

probably asleep???

dont worry you can harass her in the morning

have a safe drive home!!!

i think im going to crash my car on the way home

i cant focus on the road

i can only think about him taking a sip from my drink on accident 

i think im going to die

i think 

when he found out i can drive stick

he told me that it was cool i can strive dick

i cant keep going on like this

even by mistake hes too funny

hes too perfect

jade are you there?

I CANT SEE MY PHONE!!!

IM CRYING

**YOU CAN STRIVE DICK!!!!!!**

* * *

"Where were you?"

When you got up to your apartment on the top floor your bro was typing away at his keyboard in the living room. He's been working on some new program...? He hasn't told you much about it cause he only just started. He's probably going to harass you to look at it when he's half-way done... which could be in months. 

"I've been out." You place your drink on the kitchen counter on the island on the side with all of the wooden stools. After, you walk back to the front to lock all of the five locks on the door. 

"With who?"

"A friend." You walk back over to your drink on the kitchen island.

"You don't get into any fuckin' trouble." He warns you. He doesn't follow that up with a threat. 

Before you can tell him you were just at the movies, your phone rings. 

You pick up, instantly killing the blasting rap song and replacing it with a high pitched scream, followed by,

**“DAVE!!!”**

“Is something wrong, Ms. Lalonde?” You ask Roxy.

It was Rose's mom... your brother's self-proclaimed 'bestie!'

**“YES! SOMETHING IS WRONG!!!”** You pulled away your phone as Roxy screamed into your ear. “YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON A BOY!!? **AND YOU DIDN’T TELL ME!?!”**

You stare down at the floor. You slowly lift your head. You look over at your brother. You didn’t hear him get up, but he’s standing right besides you, god damn it he is so quick. He places his hand around your phone and slowly lifts it up to his ear. 

His voice is so deep, so void of any emotion as he gives the phone a twitch of a smile,

“Tell me everything you know.”

“Well.” She says the word like she is announcing the start to the book and wine club meaning. “Rosey was laughing at her phone and she**_ naever_ **laughs like that!” She pauses to smack her lips. “So I ask her, I go into her room and I says, ‘Rosey! What are you laughing at, pumpkin?’ and she just kept laughing and laughing and I took her phone.” At least you know that she didn’t squeal. “Oh! Dave has such a big crush on this **boy!** I made Rosey show me a photo of him, he is soooo cute, super cute. He’s so adorable, you have to see him. Little cutesy putesy nerdy kid!" She says the words like she's talking about a cute baby.

She keeps talking with your brother. "You’d just love him! Well anyway, I asked my little rosey what he was like and she tells me that he’s a smart kid and he goes to school on a scholarship he earned. So he works hard. I like that.”

”Ro-” your bro tried to talk but Roxy cut him off.

”I’m getting to the important part. Well-" She smacks her lips together. "I asked my girly if she knows if he likes boys and she said.” She paused for dramatic effect. “heee doooes.”

“What’s this kid’s name?” He’s asking you.

“John.” You roll your eyes under your shades.

“You fuck him yet?” He asks you.

_ **“BRO!”** _

“Oh Dirk, the kid doesn’t even know that Dave likes him.” Roxy continued. “That’s why I called. We gotta get the two together! I need to see Davey set up with the love of his life! I WANT TO** HELP** SO I CAN TELL THE STORY AT THEIR WEDDING!”

“Rox, slow down.” He definitely isn’t going to be able to calm her this time around...

“DIRK! I NEED TO BE A PART OF THIS! Dave! Are you still there!? I have loooods of advice! Tons! I was married... Once." She says the word like she's irked by something. She starts up again, "I could-”

“Rox.” He isn’t firm with her like he is everyone else, it isn’t a demand but a suggestion when he says, “slow down with this marriage talk.”

“Dirk.” Roxy pauses again. She doesn't whine his name like she normally dose.

Whatever she is gearing up to say it's going to be a devastating blow.

You slap your face with both of your hands and sit down on the stool next to you.

“Davey is. In.” Her voice gets so high pitched it’s worse than a whistle, _“looooove!”_

You can’t bring yourself to look at him, you can't take your hands off of your face.

You can’t say anything to him. Of course he must figure that your silence means that it’s true.

“Little nerd is the love of his life! It’s so cute!" Roxy giggles as she squeals. "My grumpy girl told me that she tricked Dave into going into the movies alone with him today and he was so upset about it because John kept- eeeehehehe!” She starts giggling.

“How much did Rose tell you!??” You squeak out. 

_'How much did she read!?!?'_ You scream in your own head.

The phone must be on speaker now because she answered you,

“I **poked** it out of her! Just like I** poke** it out of you! Tell your brother what happened- go on!" She's encouraging you to actually talk to your brother, "you say it.”

You drop your hands from your face, "no.” 

“I will then!” She sounds assertive but cheerful, just like always.

“Alright. Jesus.” You look up at your older bro and tell him, “He grabbed onto my arm -it was a horror flick.” You can hear Roxy try to hold in her squeals on the line as you talk. “He apologized and said he was sorry and I… ugh…” You move up your shades to pinch your eyes and then the bridge of your nose. “I whispered… ‘don’t be.’”

**“EEEHEHEH! DAVEY IS SO SMOOOTH!”** Roxy’s voice was blarring out of the phone. “He’s a natural! He drove him home too."She asks you,_ "didn’t you,_ _mister smooth?”_

You buried your face in your hands again.

“Ohhhh, I swear. If I was that age again and a boy said that to me _after I jumped into his **arms!**_I would go kooky _bananas_ for him!”

Roxy kept right on talking. “Dave! You have definitely got this! Now- Rosey told me that you get tongue tied around 'my new favorite nerd,' I think you should give him some pretty little roses and a then little smooch!”

“Ms. Lalonde.” You try and tell her, “it’s not that easy.”

“It ain’t hard!” She playfully shouts back. “No words required! Just hand him some flowers and he’ll get the memo.”

“Ms. La-”

"I read the messages you sent my daughter! You almost kissed him!"

"Miss-"

“Now. I know you have a handsome little suit. I see your little posts. I think you should invite him somewhere nice and wear something that'll make you look handsome!"

“Ro-"

“-and don’t wear your shades! He’ll like if he can see your pretty little eyes.”

“Ms. Lalonde.” You raise your voice at her. “I can’t.”

“You can!" She tells you. "You will! I’m rooting for you.”

“If he rejects me it will kill me.”

“Oh nooo, buttercup! I know he won’t he probably thinks you’re the cutest thing, you dress good, you have a cool car, **you are mysterious,** you don’t talk much but when you do oh!! It’s earthshattering!" She was way to excited about all of this. "Dave! If a boy said stuff like that to you how would you feel? Think about it!”

“I would blow him off.” You answer honestly. “I- I think I could only love, John.”

You hear a loud clump coming out of your phone “Awwww! OW! I just slapped myself!"

“Jesus.” Your brother sounded disappointed in you. You knew he would be. You don’t give a shit what he thinks. “You get a crush on one boy and you act like the world is fuckin’ ending.”

“Don’t you make fun of him!” Roxy was actually chewing him out now. “Our favorite guy is in love! I heard what he'd tell my baby and**_ It's. Beautiful._**_" _ She just growled the words at him. "And I read what he thinks of him. Dave thinks he's perfect! **PERFECT DIRK!**" She sounds angry at Dirk for giving you shit. "He is so in deep and it's not hard to see why! You haven’t even seen the kid yet!" She started sounding more cheerful again. "He is so adorable! I just wanted to swoop him up and kiss him all over," she growls out, "raise him as my own." She sounds like she is pointing a finger out at him. "Rose told me that Dave can barely even talk around him! and he’s still trying! You give Dave a hard time about this I will drive to your apartment and bash your skull into each and every one of your monitors!”

“Okay- jesus.” Dirk sat down besides you on another stool.

He put your phone down on the counter, it was on speaker.

“So you like this boy enough that you want to actually marry him?” He asked you. 

You look over at the kitchen and take a deep breath. “Yes.”

You can hear Roxy cheerfully hum and squeal at the same time through your phone.

“Don’t tell him that." Your bro tells you. "He will rightfully think you're insane.”

“I wasn’t planning on telling him.” You sigh.

“He’s your age right?” He asks you.

“Yeah…?”

He opens his mouth to speak.

“if you say anything sexual I am going into my room and leaving your with Roxy.”

He closes his mouth.

"Then Dirk has nothing he can offer you." Roxy continued. "Now! I can tell you all about the art of romanza." She started happily recounting for you that she knew, "you held onto him and stroked him while he was scared and heald open the door for him as you drove him back home and OH! and you paid for everything! You always have the right thing to say! ROSEY POSEY TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT HIM AS HE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS AND TOLD HIM" She stopped squealing to mimic your deep, monotone voice. "careful there." 

Roxy cheered again and told you, "you are already el lo romántico. You just need a little push! I can be that push!!!"

She is way to into this and for her own gain too. She just wants to brag that she got you two together at your future wedding.

You start rubbing your face again. 

"Rox." Your brother talks on your behalf, "kids gotta go to bed. It's a school night."

"Oh! It is!" Roxy sounded like she just remembered that fact. "I should stop screaming. Rose must be trying to sleep. _Good naaaight, my two favorite guys!"_

You sigh as you tell her, "night."

Your brother just grunted, like he was humming 'same here' to her.

"I love you both! Kisskiss!" She hung up.

Your brother pushed your phone towards you

He looked up at you. 

You know he's going to say something fucked.

"Focus on your school work and not on cock."

"BRO!"


	7. A Goal and A Finish line

You had been waiting what feels like an eternity to see his eyes. 

When you saw them it entranced you.

His pupils were red.

Endless red.

As vibrant and as beautiful as his soul.

You opened your mouth to speak.

You had no idea what you were going to say.

You were interrupted but...

You couldn't bring yourself to look back into them.

He would just pull you into a trance that would be completely helpless to pull out of.

Staring into the eyes of the greatest love you will ever know, there's nothing more terrifying. You're heart was already pounding in your chest because of the movie.

He showed you his eyes. He never posts any images of himself with his shades off and you were never lucky enough to see what he looked like without his shades on in class. 

All of a sudden you started to hear some strange noises like plastic unwrapping. You had completely forgotten that he brought you your favorite candy and he was unwrapping it for you. He even opened it for you. You handed him back the nearly empty popcorn bucket. Dave was so sweet to take it with a smile. When you took the box from him your palm lightly grazed over the back of his, soft, perfect hand. You couldn't stop shaking. You had to quickly eat the clusters before you made too much noise in the back of the theater. 

Enthusiastically he told you,_"**y****eYeah!**" _ Then jokingly he said, "yeah." In a completely casual tone. You just love his sense of humor. Right after he said that a hoary claw jumped onto the screen and towards everyone in the audience. You jump up in your seat. You spilt some of the chocolates onto the floor as you grabbed onto the closest thing to you. The closest thing. You were grabbing onto Dave. When you apologized he leaned into you and whispered, "don't worry about it." He just obliterated your heart and soul in four words. Instantly you grabbed onto your own arm, you started scratching it so you didn't look like you were holding onto yourself. 

The two of you kept on watching the film. After the obligatory jumpscare was over it was back to the main plot. You started mindlessly eating so much you finished the candy Dave brought you and you started digging into the popcorn. Your eyes completely fixed on the film, suddenly Dave yawned. You completely forgot that your darling was right next to you. You widen your eyes. You were leaning right into the arm rest, eating out of his lap. You are so braindead whenever someone puts a movie on it sucks you completely in... Good thing to, Dave has the same exact effect on you and you would rather stare at the movie then into Dave's perfect smile or his perfect eyes or his perfect hair or his perfect HIM! He'd know that you like him if you'd keep staring at him! Also, you were so sure that he was going to figure out that you were into him if you kept leaning into him, that or he would just think you were lounging and eating popcorn. You were contemplating on moving for about a full minute when suddenly the lights in the fisherman's lodge started strobing and the sound of a scream stabbed your earbuds. 

It was the full reveal of the water demon. 

You jumped into Dave's chest. 

You gasped as soon as you noticed what you just did.

Your first hug with Dave...

You pulled away and covered your gasping mouth with one of your open palms.

You profusely whispered an apology for pressing your your face against... _sigh_... Dave's chest. 

He slyly whispered back at you,

"Don't be."

You completely tensed up. You couldn't even shake anymore he just took the wind right out of you.

He must have noticed how romantic that sounded. 

He got up and left for the bathroom.

You didn't even notice he took the popcorn till it was back in your hands.

He must have been so distressed about that.

From his perspective you're just the first guy friend he ever had and who he accidently hit on. He must have been in there for so long thinking how to make the whole thing less horrible for himself.

Still... When he came back he allowed you to cling to his arm. 

He comforted you.

He was so kind and gentle.

Caring. 

If Rose wouldn't have told you that he isn't that... social... you would have thought that he was stroking your arm out of love and not out of his usual compassion. 

He was pushing aside his own discomfort as he comforted you.

He offered to drive you home. He got the door for you, he thought it would be nice to get it for you but only because it would get stuck. While you were in his car, you crushed the old mcdonalds bags and napkins beneath your sneakers. He was a bit of a slob, wasn't he? That's a bit of a relief, he isn't completely perfect. He still has his flaws. After you got in he confessed that he dented his car several times. You couldn't help but laugh, laugh at yourself for thinking that he's completely flawless when he's just another sixteen year old kid.

After you snorted at him you found yourself struggling to tell him that, to you, he just seems so... perfect... even with his flaws he still does. It is just so hard to find the words without giving away your love for him. You knew that you completely failed the feat when he told you that he seems... unapproachable with sadness in his eyes.

You had to confess that you wanted to get to know him more, at least you could say that. He seemed a bit happier after you told him that. If he didn't, if he would have kept looking so sad... well you would have confessed that you liked him just to spare him from feeling any pain. You told him that after he gave you beef jerky that you felt like you couldn't 'keep up with him.'

...you probably aren't good enough for a guy like that.

So kind. So gentle. So warm. 

He is warm, just like the heat of his red eyes.

When he told you that he didn't want to scare you off you confessed not only just to him but to yourself... that you think that you will never run from him.

He leaned in to get a better look at you in the dark.

The fluorescent light from the garage was hardly shining into the car. You could see the moonlight from the night sky streaming into his car.

He was staring into your eyes...

While his cinnamon eyes are such a tender delight to look into. 

Like a fire. 

You didn't even notice that you removed your hands from your face, the tips of your curled fingers were hovering over your chin. 

You leaned in as you glanced into his eyes. You didn't stop yourself from leaning in further, no... something else did. You heard ice cubes shaking in a plastic cup. You glanced down at your drinks... You didn't want to spill them... It was a perfect sign. You sighed.

You dragged your eyes back to Dave's lips that were so out of reach. Only few inches away from your own and yet still an impossible climb. 

You finally noticed Dave was stuttering, trying to find the words to say. You quietly called his name, asking for his attention.

He told you he was just stumbling like that because he was tired. Poor thing.

And he was still kind enough to drive you home.

He turned on the car and it started blasting a love song about... oh you were grateful that he skipped it. Your face was starting to flush with heat. 

After all that, you didn't want to give him directions, you just jumped to ask if you could plug in your address in his phone. You definitely weren't going to use your own. You didn't want him seeing that your wallpaper is just a photo of him in a suit... or your home screen for that matter! Oh if he sees your lock screen is just a photo of him seductively resting his chin on one of his hands you will die!** Just die. **

When you handed him his phone back he gave you his charger. You almost let slip that your phone is on 90% but you caught yourself, you needed to keep up the lie so you just smiled up at him instead. Hoping that he can't see your still burning, blushing face in the passing street lights.

He focused on driving but you glanced down at his hand as he worked the stick. He pulled it up. He pushed it to the side. Working the stick shift all while pressing his feet down on the petals underneath his dashboard. He had so much style. With the way he was dressed and with how he could just work such a complex looking mechanism with such ease. Your mouth was hanging open. You were almost drooling. You sighed out the word, "wow."

When he looked over at you you instantly panicked. You opened your mouth to confess that you were impressed with how he could drive stick.

Yes.

You meant to do that. 

Thinking about it now, if you would have said 'you can work the stick' and laughed that would have sounded like a dick joke that you made on purpose... but you can STRIVE DICK WHAT KIND OF STUPID DUMBASS BULLSHIT **FREUDIAN SLIP** IS THAT!?

You just smiled as you screamed in your head. You were ready to open the car door and just roll out into the street. 

He ignored it. You feel so fucking blessed that it seems like he didn't hear it. Maybe he thought you misspoke, because _YOU DID!_ Like saying mawn lower instead of lawn mower, EVERYONE DOES IT! 

He started talking about..._ cars or something? _

You had to confess that you didn't know how to drive. A real night of confessions.

He told you that he wouldn't mind chaffering you around if you needed it.

He. is. just. sokindandperfect and you just wanted to bash your own skull in for embarrassing yourself in front of the love of your**_ eternal_ life. **

You blurted out that you thought he was always so kind. 

You were just about to slam your own frontal lobe in with that damn stick shift once he put both of his hands up on the wheel. 

Once you saw your house you instantly shot your hand up to point at it. 

He looked so surprised.

You fucked up.

Again!

You quickly got out of the car and waved him off. LIKE A FUCKING. **IDIOT.**

You couldn't stop shaking. You were waiting on him to leave.

No. He was waiting on you.

He wanted to make sure that you could get in safely before he left. 

HE. 

IS.

**PERFECT.**

You can't even be angry at yourself for fucking up so much anymore.

After the past hour you were completely over it. 

You just can't stop thinking about how perfect Dave's eyes look underneath his shades.

You kept picturing his eyes as a kaleidoscope of different hues and shades, hazel, brown, blue, green, even black... but you would have never imagined red. Perfect complete red. How rare is that... Rose confirmed for you that he was albino, but most people who are albino have transparent blue eyes._ You Sigh._ He is unique even to those with his same rarity. 

Oh and how could you forget how stunning his eyelashes and eyebrows looked on top of that! He is so stunningly perfect in his own, remarkably unique way. 

You've been laying in bed texting Rose and Jade just how damn near perfect the entire thing was! Sure, you had... some hiccups here and there but it was so.. soo... soooo... _so Dave!_

You were so focused on how cool he was you only punched yourself in the legs fifteen times for the strive dick comment. Rose ate that shit up. You knew that she would say it was a freudian slip. Jade laughed till she screamed herself out but at least she didn't psychoanalyse how you complemented Dave on how skilled he is at working a phallic symbol. 

** _AURGH!_ **

You choose to focus on how Dave stroked your arm, that's all you need. If you focus on all the ways you fucked up then you'll never get to sleep and it's already well past midnight. You let the girls go and told them you'd talk about it tomorrow or some other time. 

Some other time...

You completely forgot that he told you that the next time that you two went out together that you can buy the drinks. Your first thought was that it sounded like a date but... you pushed that thought out of your mind... if he wanted that out of you he would have no problem just coming out and asking... or even claiming that your time in the theater was a date. He is so forward... he probably is like that for everything... you sigh.

You took one last sip from your drink on your nightstand before getting up to bleach it out. You are going to keep it to store all of your peppermints in. 

You keep them around for studying, peppermint increases blood flow and keeps the mind focused... but lately... you've been struggling with that. 

* * *

While you were sitting in homeroom you kept fantasizing about how Dave rubbed your arm up and down to soothe you... actually you were doing that in all of your classes and just like all of your other classes you kept fighting yourself to pay attention. You did that in all of your class by taking notes and writing down things you need to study later. When the bell rang for you to head out to lunch Dave instantly got up. You watched him to see if he was going to come over to- he was! You turned your head to gaze out the window. You didn't want him to see that you were following him with your eyes.

"Hey."

You turned around to look at him after he spoke to gain your attention, he doesn't know that he always has it. 

_"Yes?"_ You sweetly say. Too sweet. You didn't mean to sound so sweet. Still you can't take it back now. Great. He must be weirded out by how cutesie you just sounded. He isn't saying anything at all. You try to speak again and pray that this time you don't sound like a dumbnut. "Dave?"

"Hu?" Dave pulled his hands out of his back pocket and pulled out his phone. "Yeah-uh. I've been texting Rose under the table and she said she's game to... make eating lunch with you and Jade a regular thing so... I mean if you want to..."

"I'd love that." You instantly reply.

** _'I'd love that?! UGHHHH!' _ **

You sit up and try not to fumble in your own face with your already clenched fists. 

You walked with him down the hall, down the steps and over to the cafeteria together.

You didn't say too much to each other. He was messaging Rose. Told you it was something private about her mom calling him last night. When you got in you grabbed your trays together. The lunches here are so much nicer than the ones back in private school. Something you weren't afraid to say to Dave because it didn't sound tooo stupid.

Dave was grabbing a cup of mac and cheese, not even staring at you as he said, 

"Just another reason that I'm glad I started school with you."

You close your mouth to stop yourself from letting out a scream. 

Your cheeks completely puffed up with air that you are trying to fight your lungs to take back in. You have to just let it out before he notices. You lightly let it out between your lips. It barely made a _'poft'_ sound.

He looked back at you and you smiled. A bright, cheerful, awkward smile. 

You almost spilt the plastic cup of pudding, you can't stop shaking.

God. He was always playing your heart strings, strumming them one by one and ever since he stroked your arm he's just been slamming his hands against the cords. He shouldn't do this to people!

You sit down with him and the girls. Once again, the two of them decided that you should be the one to sit next to Dave. Damn it. Wait- Dave got up to use the vending machine- YES! A moment of freedom. Now you can sigh and swoon all you wish. 

You follow him with your eyes as he steps up to the vending machine. 

“You staring at Dave like a creep?” Jade called you out.

You look back at both of the girls. Shooting them a nasty look.

_"Ooooohooo! Dave's coming back."_ Jade joked at you. Biting down on her lip with her mouth full of silver and neon green. 

You tilted up your head. Letting them see the death in your eyes.

Rose decided to look down at the lunch table and started scratching the back of her neck.

She kept staring at her drink as she started mocking you by talk singing, _“ohhh ohhh, dream weaver.” _She's fucking lucky that Dave is a foot away from the table. 

Jade jumped up to see what Dave has in his hands, "what cha get?"

Dave held up his bottle of apple juice. He shook it as he told her, "AJ."

He has a nickname for apple juice. You curl up as you resist pounding your fist into the table. It's one of those times that Dave is irresistibly cute. 

You just want to grab him and kiss him all over! UGH!

You missed a good chunk of a conversation that all of them are having.

Oh no... Dave is consuming all of your thoughts again. 

At least gym class is next.

You can just get changed in the bathrooms and then head out to your own group. Even if Dave's coach joins with yours today Dave is still just going to dominate the field or the court or whatever you're sport you're all playing today. 

* * *

Oh Jesus God No. 

It's free day.

You trailed up to Rose as soon as you could. She raised her eyebrows and pulled her lips into a forced smile. She lightly places the back of her fingers up to her chin as she holds her elbow with her other hand. She says the words in a friendly tone, that's how you know shits about to start,

"Looking forward to class starting?"

Your tempted to grab her headband and snap it in half.

"What's with that look?" She asks you.

"I can't stop thinking about Dave and I have a test at the end of the week."

"This is a problem that can be solved." She smiled at you. A sinister, smile not even hiding an ulterior motive. "With teamwork."

"I don't need another one of your fucked up schemes." You tell her.

"No there is no fucking up in this scheme." She lightly breaths through her nose and hums out a sigh like she is hurt. "No fucking at all in this scheme. I'm afraid."

"Then what's the plan?"

"The plan is getting your piteous ass to focus."

"Don't you mean my mind, sounds to me like you're the one focused on my ass."

"Your ass arouses nothing but my pity." She shook her head. "I'll have to joke about wanting it later though, anything to make you uncomfortable." She smiled at you.

"You are a monster." You said that, but you were sure that she was joking. Still, now's not the time. 

"Yes. Focus your anger on me." Rose** was** joking, and yet she changed her tone as she told you, "you'll get through this."

You looked at her, her black lips pulling into a soft smile. She wins this round, you smile back at her.

"Hey."

Your eyes widen at the sound of that voice. You slowly turn around and see Dave, thankfully he was wearing his shades. If you could see his eyes you'd pass out. You'd die.

You lift up an arm to wave at him as you say, "hey."

You look back at Rose, who was now crossing her arms and casually leaning her back away from your two. "What brings you here, Strider?"

"I was hoping that I could you know... uh... join you both... today?" Dave asked you both.

Rose smiled at him for you and said in a tone that you couldn't tell if it was sarcasm or not, "happy to have you."

"Yeah." You turn back to tell Dave. 

"Strider." There was a tall jock standing a few feet away from Dave. Dave turned around to look at the guy. The jock you don't know bounced a basketball over to Dave. "You game?"

"I'm actually just thinking about chilling today." Dave tosses the ball back.

"Suit yourself." He threw the ball back over at his other friend. 

You can't believe guys like that want to hang out with Dave, those are the kind of guys that could fuck you up with their muscle and get away with that shit with their money.

Dave opened his mouth to say something-"Dave!" He was cut off by someone's high pitched voice somewhere out in the grass field. 

You turned around to see a girl running through the grass over to the three of you. Her chestnut ponytail bouncing from side to side. "Hey, you think you can join us on the field? We're going to play soccer but need um... more players."

"Sorry, but I'm good." He casually shrugged her off. She’s clearly interested in him.

She seemed a bit disappointed with that answer, she ran all the way over here to get him because she saw him, uncharacteristically, standing around doing nothing. Once she starts walking away again you turn to Rose and ask, "do you think we should just walk the track?" 

"Don't want an F for the day?" She already starts walking towards the laps.

"God." You shake your head as you join her. You didn't even think of that. "I can **not** let any of my grades tank any further."

"Are you... not doing good?" Dave asks you as he walks up besides you.

You open your mouth a take in a breath. The air is filled with the scent of fresh cut grass. Instantly you sneeze. You cover your nose with your elbow but still... you made the most squeaky, cutesie, dumb, stupid, noise ever. In front of Dave of all people. 

"Awww." Rose sounded almost genuine. 

You shot your head around behind you to glare at her. 

"What?" She actually sounded upset that your giving her a death glare at the moment. She raised her palms and spread out her hands. "You know that you are incredibly adorable, it's your own damn fault. You know you sound _darling_." She defended herself with her sarcasm again, "especially to me."

You keep glaring at her. You aren't going to gratify her with an answer.

"John," She lowers her brows. "I know that we're through but the heart can't just move on in one day." She shakes her head. 

"I thought you didn't have one." You keep your eyes narrow at her. 

"Not true, it's buried six feet under." Rose patted your back. "Not that you would know, with your head in the clouds."

"Can't help it." You shake your head. "It's my special K addiction."

"The cereal or the drug?" She asks you. 

"Oh God..." You tsk by smacking the roof of your mouth with your tongue. "Both these days."

"That explains your difficulty speaking and your constant dissociation with your surroundings of late." She's to into this kind of stuff. "Also how you've been getting fiber into your diet."

"John." At the sound of Daves voice you turn around and look up at him. He asks you in a caring, consoling tone, "is there actually something you're struggling with right now?" 

You open your mouth to speak again, this time prepped for the scent of mowed grass tripping your allergies up. You tell him, "I've just been having trouble sleeping. That and my minds been juggling... all sorts of things." You look ahead of you again as you walk the track.

Dave is using that caring, sincere tone again, "what sort of things?" 

You're still facing forward away from him... you don't want him to start worrying about you. There isn't honestly anything wrong. You turn to him. "My grad in Chem was dropping and it's been making me so stressed I can't focus and it's been... eating at my mind."

He takes a moment before he responds, he probably knows that you're here because you earned a spot, you hated public school and would have done anything within reason to be out of it. If your grades drop to low... You'll be given the boot. You should really pull your mind towards your work. You're sure once your set on that... the fear of failure is going to set it again.

Dave just placed his hand on your shoulder. You look up at him, he smiles at you. 

"I know that you're going to get through this." He lightly shakes his head as his smile grows bigger. "Don't stress about it so much. You're grades are going to get better. If you made it here, then you have what it takes to stay."

* * *

When you got home you grabbed an onion bagel from the counter. Your dad just made fresh ones this morning and he's going to get back really late tonight... you took the bagel with you upstairs and thought that's good enough for dinner today. You hurried up stairs. Each step you took was filled with a steadfast resolve. You drop your bag on your bed and dig out the chem book you took from your locker home with you. You grab your phone and start binding youtube tutorials on understanding the very basics. If you have to start from square one you have to start from square one.

You're going to do what you have always done.

There is no such thing as failure.

There is only a goal and a finish line. 

It's going to be a struggle but you aren't just doing it for you.

You locked your phone and kissed your screen.

You look down at the love of your lifes face.

If you make him smile by being around him.

If you make him smile by being his friend then you are going to keep him smiling.

Your heart is big enough for your work and for Dave.

You can make both of them fit.

Your love for Dave isn't going to make you mindless.

Your love for Dave is going to make you stab your study questions into your mind and answer each question with as much certainty in your mind as you feel that Dave is worthy of your heart. 


	8. study date

You are sitting down at lunch, maybe today you'll be able to walk the track with John and Rose again during gym like yesterday... You bite into your sandwich to keep yourself from swooning. John just got up and excused himself to use the bathroom and of course Rose and Jade jumped on the chance to explain their next big scheme.

"That's the plan," you ask them both, "that's it? Nothing else?"

"Yeah!" Jade nods her head cheerfully up and down. Her large circular glasses bobbing up and down with her nose, "we all meet up at his house and help him study! I'll tutor you in advance so you can help him with maybe a problem or two- that way you have something to say and a reason to be there! It's foolproof!"

"You say that..." You let out a light breath, "fine. I'll go along with your plan. But I don't want you two bailing on me again."

"No, we are going." Rose closed her eyes and nodded at you. 

"Yeah..." Jade sounded at least _a bit _sympathetic when she said, "I don't think you know enough about AP Chem to really be a big help. I'll give you some tips to give to John."

You blew a gust of air out of your pursed lips, "okay, fair." 

"So..." You ask, "have either of you been to John's house before?"

"No." Jade shakes her head and turns to look at Rose sitting besides her, "you?"

"No, I have not." Rose wipes the side of her lips with a napkin, "I'm sorry to say but all of those things we said to each other were." She pretends to gasp and breaths out, "jokes."

Jade gave you a heads up that John was walking out from the bathrooms. You were smart enough not to turn around and look. He'd melt your heart and numb your mind again if you did and you have to stay focus, for his sake. 

Rose got out her compact and started reapplying her black lipgloss. Jade happily asked John before he was even seated again, "hey! Since you aren't doing so hot with chem, how about all of us help tutor you after school today?"

"Today?!" John sounded as surprised as you feel. "You mean, 'today' today?"

"We can do it another day." Jade put out a hand to calm John's nerves. "I mean, if you're busy."

"N-no." John smiled at her as he started rubbing the back of his head. "My dad's going to be out late for work so today is probably much better, we can study in my kitchen."

You swallowed down your fears and forced yourself to say, "cool." 

You quickly took out your phone from your pocket and messaged Jade under the table. 

and you expect me to learn ap chem when?

the walk over to my car?

i'm going to text you a bunch of stuff and just try to study it in between class

it'll just be like two or three concepts

"Hey John!" Jade cheerfully asked, "what are you learning in class? I want to know in advance."

"uh- structure of atoms," John sweetly started listing out concepts on his fingers, "properties of matter, chemical... _reactivity?"_

"Oh my god, why are you even struggling?" Jade probably doesn't mean to be rude, discussing these kind of concepts are as easy as breathing for her.

Jade puts up a limp wrist and waves him off. "We'll help you study and you'll be just fine."

"I just..." John told her. "I just have a hard time... focusing right now... you know that..."

"That's why I'll be there." Rose clasps shut her compact. "I'm going to give you some negative reinforcement with a magazine to the back of the head when you zone out."

"Magazine like a paper roll or like a gun clip?"

Jade chimes in as she points up a finger covered in bright red bands. "Actually the clip feeds into the magazine of a gun." 

You squint your eyes at her, you are sure she can't see underneath your shades your reaction to that but why did she spout out random gun facts.

"Oh- uh..." She nervously scratched the back of her neck. "Sorry John." 

He must have made a similar confused expression.

"My grandpa taught me how to hunt, back when I didn't live in the city, and um... I used to use rifles and shotguns all the time. He just loved that kind of thing!"

You could see a wave of different embarrassed expressions cover her bronze face.

"That is." John paused as he was speaking. "really. cool Jade." 

"You think so??" Jade scratched her chin with one of her nails.

"It's cool." You nod at him and then at her. "Badass actually."

"You really think that?" Jade looked like her eyes were filled with stars. "Not just that I'm a weirdo freak?"

"What!?" John sounded kind of upset that she said that about herself. "Jade. You are super smart and I thought you were already super cool and I had no idea you were even cooler!" He is so cute. "You're not a freak, and if you're ever weird just remember who your sitting across from." He was referring to himself. "We're all a little weird, but that's so much better than being boring." He is so compassionate with his conviction.

"I second that thought." Rose raised her hand and then dropped it to pick up a pink watermelon square, eyeing it as she spoke. "Besides, proficiency in weaponry seems to be a common trait at this table. I with my wit. John with his ass, and Dave is a master of swordsmen ship." She raises her eyebrows as she takes a bite out of her watermelon cube in between her black nails.

_'Really? She's bring this up now?'_

"What does she mean Dave?" Jade was the one to ask you.

"I... I can sword fight with two handed swords." You confess to the table.

"Really!?" She perked up. "Did your bro teach you?"

"He taught me a couple different styles of fighting with my fists and sword fighting it was you know, are of my homeschooling." You shrug as you bite into your sandwich. If your mouth is full you don't have to talk.

"What the heck were you trained in that for?" Jade smacked her mouth shut with both of her hands. She uncovered them and smiled at you, "sorry. I uh... the thought just flashed in my mind you getting trained by like someone who is secretly a gangster. Training you for-" She pulled up her hands and mimicked slashing a sword "-hits and intimidating people." She moved her hands out and pursed her lips. She's really... _animated_ isn't she?

"Just sounds kind of kooky." Jade scrunched up the skin around her nose and then smiled at you. She's just playing around, like always. 

"No. I was trained because he wanted me to know how to fight with a sword." You gear up to take another bite of your sandwich. "I was taught how to fist fight to protect myself." You were about to take a bite when John told you,

"That's so cool too, Dave." 

You smiled at him as you took a bite of your sandwich. Keep your mouth full and you won't accidentally voice how in this moment you want nothing more then to hold him and stroke him again. 

"Yes well." Rose began as she pinched a honeydew melon in between her fingers. "We can't all be armed with 'asses' like said trucks." She tosses it into her mouth.

"What is it with you and my ass?" John scrunched up his brow. The skin in between his brows got these cute little wrinkles, he's pretending to be annoyed with her. Pretending like how you actually are pissed with her right now. 

_'Seriously, what is it with her?' _

"I'm suffering from withdrawal." She jests. 

You just keep chewing your food and shaking your head.

"But I could never get my fill." She starts picking away at the red grapes in her cup.

She's having too much fun with tormenting you. 

You wish you didn't make it so easy.

* * *

You invited everyone after school to meet in your car. Lucky enough Jade met up with you before the others got in and you talked with her as you waited in the car loop for John and she who will not be named. 

Jade is sitting right behind you. You watch her in your rear view mirror.

"More protons, more charge." You recite to Jade.

"Good." Jade praises you as she quickly nods. 

"More protons, more it attracts electrons." You recite.

"Easy." Jade points a finger up at you. "You know math, right?"

"Yeah?"

"You're going to be fine. Just chime in when I look at you or something." She swiped her hand around like she was buzzing away mosquitos in the summer heat. "You just stand by him and jump in when you think you can say something helpful. It's not hard, and I've got your back." She gives you two thumbs up and a bright smile. If this works out you owe her. You can buy her those fries and that shake. Just then John opened up the car door, he wasn't expecting to see Jade inside.

"Hi Jade... uh-"

She cut him off and pointed at the passenger seat in the front.

"We're going to your house, sit in the front and give Dave directions."

"Okay." John brushed it off. He held the door open for Rose.

She lightly gasped and took her seat. "Why John, such a gentlemen." 

"Don't get to excited." He nodded his head at her before he closed the door. "I'm not going to pull the chair out for you when we get to my place."

"Yes, there is no need... I'll be waiting upstairs on your bed regardless." Rose jokes. 

"I swear I make it too easy for you to say shit like this sometimes." John mumbles to himself as he closes her door. At least he's starting to get as feed up with it as you are.

As you drive Jade sings along with the radio. She points her fingers at John, gesturing for him to sing along. He sings a line and then goes back to giving you directions. You're glad about that, you can't remember even which one his house is. 

When you parked Jade seemed amazed you knew how to parallel park as you all got out of the car and walked up John's concrete house steps.

"Trial and error." Rose joked as she pointed to the dents in your car.

John unlocked his home and held open the large blue painted door for all of you. As soon as you felt the cool breeze of his air conditioning you felt a feeling in your soul like you were in this place you weren't meant to be. You didn't earn being here. John is so out of reach and being inside of his home feels almost like a cheat. Like you skipped past countless conversations along with countless awkward bites of sandwiches.

You looked down his latte brown hallway and at his staircase. Upstairs is probably his room. If you see what his room looks like at all. Your heart is literally going to burst. It won't be able to sustain that pressure. 

John takes you over to the left from where you are standing and into his kitchen. The floor is a beige white and the walls are a light cotton blue. You awkwardly hang behind everyone as they all get set up. You left all your crap in your trunk so you can't even fiddle with your phone, just the keys you have in your backpocket.

John is sitting down at his kitchen table. He placed a small handful of peppermint hard candies next to his spread out textbook and worksheets. He had a whole heap of them in a pocket of his leather bag, like he's not sweet enough? He has to carry more sweets around?

All three of you are hovering around him. Your behind him on his left. Jade just crouched down besides him on his right and Rose is looming behind Jade. Ready to strike with a magazine she found on the counter and rolled up.

You feel a bit awkward standing behind him but at least he isn't looking at you, you're heart can't take that right now. Being in his house is making your legs numb enough as it is. 

Jade was starting out with what she referred to as, 'the basics.'

"Some of these questions are just fancy ways of asking simple things." Jade tells him. "If you don't get something try to simplify it!"

That sounds like good advice but you didn't even hear the question. You were to focused on the fact that John's house smells like a mix of marshmallows and cedar wood. You kept looking around his kitchen. His dad placed lemons on the counter along with a weaved basket filled with bagels. John's home was like something out of a rustic living magazine and he lived in the city. God, even his home is adorable- Suddenly, you hear a loud smack. 

You look up at Rose.

She narrowed her eyes and slapped down the magazine roll in her hand a second time. 

Rose asked John, "do you think you can _try_ to simplify the question, John?"

Apparently he was zoning out too. 

"Uh..." He looked up at her. "I need to read it again..." 

Rose smacked the roll down on her palm again. It was starting to turn red. She ignored the pain.

John seemed to rephrase the question to Jade's liking, earning him freedom from Rose's discipline. Jade continued to explain a few more concepts that the question was focused on. John unraveled a peppermint as he placed it in between his lips. When he closes his mouth you can see his cute little overbite again. You're viewing him from above and to his side. You slowly blink your heavy lids. He's so adorable from this angle too. 

"The more metallic something is the more reactive it will be to water." Jade pointed out.

"Oh." John sounds pleased with what she told him. "sooo... I'm caught between two."

"Which two are you thinking?" Jade asks him.

"You can only choose one on a test." Rose swipes up the paper. If she smacks him for answering Jade's question you are going to pry that damn thing out of her hands. 

"Okay... Uh..." John reads the answers again in his head.

Without thinking you speak to encourage him,

"Don't second guess yourself, John." He turned his head to look at you. A look that could stab right through a weak man's heart. But for John you will be strong. You rest your hand on his shoulder as you say, "I think you'll have the right instinct. Just go with your first thought."

"You- you're right about that." He turns away from you as he is talking.

You pat John's shoulder with your hand once more before you let him go. 

John turned away from you to answer Jade, "is it cesium?" 

"That's right!!!" Jade started clapping her hands. "John! You are a natural!"

You give her a warm smile. She must have just made John feel better about all of this. 

In the end you couldn't really use any of the small phrases that you learned. Jade got way too excited to explain everything to John and she didn't give you any room to speak. He seemed to answer every other question right and with her engagement and guidance he made real progress. You feel like pulling her into a hug and spinning her around. She's making him smile so brightly. God! You love that smile!

"You made some real progress John." Rose placed her hand holding the magazine on her hip. Resting the other hand on John's table. "I think we should study together more often. hate to admit it but I am not the brightest at math. I could use the hand too... and I know for a fact that Dave isn't the best with communications." She shook her head at you as she said in jest, "he can't even use punctuation." 

"I think... that might be a good idea." John nodded at her as he slid out of his chair.

Jade voiced, "I can help you guys out with anything you need!!!" She tried to contain her joy. "Oh this is going to be so much fun!"

John's phone started ringing in his pocket. It was playing a soft piano melody. Even his ringtone is gentle like he is.

"Ah." He pulled out his phone. "I have to take this."

John walked a few steps away as he picked up, "yeah dad?"

"Yeah- I have friends over." He started pacing into the kitchen, facing away from all of you as he tells his dad, "they just finished helping me study Chem-"

"Yep. I was thinking the same thing."

"I know... Thanks dad. I'll get started now." 

He hung up and turned around to smile as he asked you three,

"Would you all like to stay for dinner?"

* * *

You had to dig your phone out of your trunk. If you missed a call from your bro because you were out to late again he'd be mad pissed. John had already set up things he was going to need to prep in the kitchen. Of course when you got back into the kitchen you step up to him and asked, "do you need any help."

"No." John shook his head. "I- I've got this." 

You walk over to sit down besides Rose. She fiercely swats at you, you dodge he hit by scooting back. She looks at you as she points to the other side of the table. Because it was rectangular there were two sets of chairs on the longer side and one on each short end. Jade was giggling as she messed around with her phone on the shorter end of the table right next to Rose. You sat down besides her as you rolled your eyes.

You got a ding like you just got a message.

dreams are coming true

which one?

the one where my mouth keeps opening up until my jaw snaps and my brain slips out or the one where i show up naked to johns doorstep?

I'm quite partial to the one where you accidentally find porn of your brother online and click it by mistake, then it happens to be footage of my mother drinking.

can we stop being sarcastic and quippy and spunky teenagers for one flipping second and just appreciate that john is cooking up a meal for dave!?!?!

You turned your head to look back into the kitchen, John was already boiling something on the stove, but now he was pouring some kind of yellowish oil and red spice onto some slices of pink long meat in a bow. You know next to nothing about cooking. 

He put out a large frying pan and started heating it up. 

hes so focused :o

a real pro

Yes. Dave, I believe that you have found a wonderful husband.

i think so too

Oh? No getting on my case today for my jokes?

okay you have got to stop joking about johns ass

i think shes just trying to get you to slip something out...

Or something in.

OH!!!!!

walked into that one!!!

You lifted up your head to glare at the two of them. Even with shades coving your eyes Jade got the memo. She lifted up her head and looked over at John who is standing by the stove wearing the world's most cutest baby blue apron. 

"So John?" Jade called out to him. "Do you cook dinner for the house often?"

"Eh-" He speaks over the sizzle and the upsiding heat of oil in the pan. "Only when my dad works late. We take turns. Hey-" John fully turned to face all three of you. "Would you guys be interested in eating desert today, my dad always bakes cakes and I've had so many I'm just tired of them." He shakes his head like he's sick of even thinking about cake. "There's a chocolate cake in the fridge my dad made."

"Ho." Rose paused. "ly. shit."

Jade slowly nodded, "yes. yes I would."

John laughed as he walked over to you three. He opened up the fridge door, "don't get to excited now." He told you three. "I'm just getting out something for dinner." 

He took out a large bowl out of the fridge. Oh God. He's making more things.

He starts pulling dough apart and tying it together. They look like little knots. Is he making garlic knots? You only ever eat that kind of thing at pizza places. Shit. He's like a little chef. He thinks that _you're_ good at everything? How does he think that when he's the real deal!? 

He goes into his fridge to get out even more things. If you watch anymore your heart is going to explode. You have to look away. You keep messaging Jade and Rose under the table as the three of you vocally exchange quips with John. Each time you look at him he looks like a cooking master. He is using some plastic tool with a lot of holes in it to squash down something in a pot and remove it's skin. It looks like potato skin. Is he making mashed potatoes from scratch? He's so amazing. He made you all chicken, potatoes and garlic knots... and his dad made cake. You message Jade and Rose, asking them to ask a question that's been on your mind. Jade cheerfully perked up to the task, "John? You said that your dad made cake, right? Can you bake stuff like that too?"

"I've been told I'm good." He replies. "I don't eat the cakes I bake though, but I can, yeah. I wouldn't mind making you all a cake next time you all come over."

You have to get up to use the bathroom. John tells you that there's a small one somewhere on this floor. You couldn't hear his directions, you were to busy trying not to curl up and pound your fist into the table in front of you. He is going to bake a cake for all of you. You get to try not just his cooking but his baking. When you get into the bathroom you drop to the floor and lightly pound your fist into the tile. You can't believe how sweet he's being. You don't deserve how perfect he is! You already knew that you're going to have to work had to even deserve being in his house. 

When you're done with that, you head out and back into the front of the house to get to the kitchen. You see John smiling and laughing as he pours a cup of milk into the pot with the potatoes. Rose was telling him some shit about you again, you think she's trying to plant the idea in his head that the two of you could be together. John is shy so if he did want that he'd probably be too nervous to ask... then again he can be blunt with Jade and Rose. He seems to be a guy with as much conviction as he has compassion. 

Before you took your seat you asked John if he needed help setting up the table. 

"Oh nonono," he waved one of his hands at you as he said, "you're my guest. I'll take care of things."

You accepted that. You knew that the least you could do is ask. You went back to sit down and Jade sent you a message simply reading !!!!!!!!

You heard something at the door jimmy the lock outside. 

"Hi dad!" John called out to him, he was still standing at the stove and stirring the mashed potatoes as he poured in a bit of chicken broth. He's a master chef. 

"Son, are your friends still over?" Mr. Egbert called to his son.

"Yeah dad!" He called back.

You are right about to meet his dad. Your future father-in-law! You need to get out of here! He came in and you instantly stood up. Rose and Jade followed, you weren't sure if they were standing to save you from embarrassment or if they were standing just to greet Mr. Egbert. You walked around the table, pacing around the other side, taking your time. Enjoying the final moments of your life before your heart give out. 

You took your place next to Rose as she stood night by Jade. When John's dad was finally in the room after dropping his suitcase and coat, Jade perked up and happily greeted him. "HI! We're John's school friends!!!"

He smiled at all three of you, "it's good to meet you three."

John's dad pointed at each of you as he named you, "Jade, Rose and Dave." 

"Right on the money!" Jade happily chimed.

Rose was smuggly smiling at John as he walked up to stand besides you. 

Rose asked John's dad, "does John talk about us often?" 

"Everyday." He sounded about thirty percent as cheerful as Jade, so he sounded extremely pleased with you three. "I'm actually happy that you're all here, I'm prone to baking as a hobby but John has no interest in eating cake. As a thank you for helping my son I'd love to bake you all something John can share with you tomorrow at lunch, does that sound good to you four?"

John sounded like he was about to say something but Jade wrapped her arms around all three of you and pulled you into a hug. "We'd love that!" She squashed you close together. Pulling you into John, you can feel your heart pounding in your throat. You swallow down some spit to calm it back down. You're so close to him you can smell a variety of spices on him along with his soothing natural scent. He smells like love itself... Wait! You didn't mean to sniff him! It just happened! But now... not only your heart is soothed, but your entire soul. You sigh as you are forced up against the love of your life.

Eventually, to your dismay, she dropped all of you. Before you took your seat again you asked John, "you're sure you don't need any help setting things up?" 

He sweetly replied, _"no."_ When he talks like that it strikes right into your heart. "Just sit down and I'll take care of things." You sigh as you walk back to your seat. He's so kind, still you want to help him.

John set up everything as his father poured 

John asked if you would like some apple juice. He must have remembered that you bought some from the vending machine at school when they had it on rotation.

"You like AJ a lot, right?" He asked you as he poured you a glass.

He knows that you love it and remembered the nickname you gave AJ. He is the perfect man.

You can't even speak. You just nod. 

At this very moment you have no idea why Rose laughed so hard when you asked if John was out of your league, he is in a league of his own way about S tier. 

Each sip of the juice you take is filled with love.

John finished setting everything up with his dad. John handed you your plate himself. He gave you a plate of chicken, mashed potatoes and a three garlic knots. 

The girls only have two. He gave you extra. 

You keep thanking John for his cooking and thanking his dad for having you all over.

John's dad asked all of you what classes are like and how your study session went. Jade was cool enough to take charge in the conversation. She was more then pumped to tell John about all the topics they went over and that John made a lot of progress. "He just needed to nail the basics and gain confidence in that. I'm sure that he's going to do great on his next exam!" She was cheerfully grinning and answering every question that John's dad had, even ones that he directed at you. 

"Dave," John's dad asked you. "I hear that you've taken to sports."

"Oh!!!" Jade chimed in. "Apparently today everyone in gym was asking Dave to join him but he just wanted to hang out with John and Rose on the track."

"We walked the track." Rose added. "and that is true, Dave's skilled with those sorts of things."

You let the girls speak over you. If you mess up saying anything to John's dad you will never be able to show your face in his home again.

John spoke up again, "I hope you all enjoy the meal I made."

"Are you kidding!?" Jade sounded ecstatic. "I loved it!" 

John's dad let out a breath of air and then laughed. He smiled as he said, "I'm glad you feel that way." 

Jade sounds really pleased with everything. She was happily changing her focus from John to his dad back to John and back to his dad. "I've never had a meal like this before." 

"Really?" John asked her. "I didn't think I made anything to out of the ordinary, what is it that you've never had before?"

"No, no. I didn't mean like that." She waved her hand and smiled at him, "I mean like a meal with friends like this. My grandpa is always traveling and I normally eat in my room when I study. This was really cool! Thank you for having us."

"Yes, I feel a similar sentiment to that." Rose put a finger up to her chin, "actually nearly exactly the same. My mother doesn't take to cooking, only cleaning house... I think the most we've done this year was go out to eat Five guys with Dave's older brother."

"Same." You look at Rose to agree with her.

She looks back at you. She was impressed that you even got a word out.

After the meal John started taking the dished. You stood up to help him collect everyone's glasses. He took your glass out of your hand as he smiled at you, "don't worry, you're fine." He quickly turned away and started picking up the rest of the dishes and glasses. He placed them all into the sink as his dad helped him. You decided to just sit back down. 

John set out dishes for you three and his dad. He just made himself a glass of milk and sat down. John's dad was cutting apart a chocolate cake with three separate layers inside and several chocolate swirls on top. 

The three of you all ate the cake without a word, you were to busy sticking bite after perfect bite into your mouth. 

"You all like the cake right?" Mr. Egbert asked you three.

Jade quickly nodded as Rose slowly bobbed her head in deep thought. You took a sip of your glass and told him, "it's amazing."

"Glad you like it." He told you specifically. "You know my son can actually bake too."

"They know, dad." John told him. "I told them."

"Yes, but they don't know how good you are... say... son, you should bake something for your friends next time they come over." John's dad proposed something that he already planned.

"Sure. Dad." He nodded and continued drinking out of his glass.

When you were all done you offered to help John again, on cue he told you that you're okay and that you're a guest in his home._ So sweet._

You sat up with the girls to leave, saying your goodbyes to the Egberts and saying your 'thank yous' for the meal. 

John's dad stood in the middle of the kitchen as he asked the three of you, 

"Do you kids need a ride home?" He asks you all like you guys can't just walk home. 

"Dave drove us all here," Jade answers. "His car is the red one in front."

"Oh." John's dad sounds a bit unimpressed. He must have seen all the dents on your car.

"It was his brothers." John spoke on your behalf. "Dave said it got scratches so he wanted to get a new one and gave it to him."

"Ah alright." John's dad looked over at his son and then back at the three of you.

"Would you kids be interested in joining me and John for dinner again tomorrow night?"

"Yes!!!" Jade happily clasped her hands together. "Oh uh, I guess I shouldn't speak for everyone." She started scratching her chin with one of her fingers.

"You're always welcome in our house Jade." John answered her.

"Really!?" She turned towards John's dad.

"Of course, you seem like a bright young lady." Mr. Egbert seemed like he liked her company, "you are free to come by any day you like, but I have to ask you all to text John first so I can buy enough for all of us and seconds. How about you two, do you think you can come by tomorrow night?" 

"I'd love to," Rose answered. "It's a very kind offer and I quite enjoyed dessert. How about you Dave?"

"It was all amazing." You look over at John. "Thank you for cooking for us, John."

He sheepishly smiles and then looks back down, "thank you for saying so."

"Yes, and thank you for offering to help with the dishes Dave." John's dad was looking at you. He seemed a bit, impressed with you "That's very kind of you."

"Uh- Yeah." You scratched the back of your head with your nails. You weren't sure you deserve the praise just for offering you didn't do anything. 

John showed the three of you to the door right after his dad praised you. You gladly followed behind him and to the front hall. Sighing and taking in one last look at his home before heading out to your own. You thanked John's dad again with the girls. John wore the biggest grin that he was trying to suppress. He looked so sweet. 

You'd do anything to keep him smiling like that. 


	9. Some Unwanted Advice

You walk everyone to the front of your home. You wave the three of them off at the threshold. Rose, Jade and then Dave each walking down the concert steps. When Dave reaches the end of the steps he turns back to you, “aren’t you coming, John?”

You smile sweetly at him as your hold onto the wooden door frame. “I’m already in my house.” 

You giggle at him and cover your mouth. _'He’s so funny.'_

He looks up at your townhouse and down back at the doorway.

Dave is looking right at you as he utters out, “oh.” 

You smile at him, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“yeah.”

You close the door and lean against it. You can't hold yourself up any longer. You let your back slip against the door and rest your body down on the floor. You close your eyes and let out a long airy sigh.

You hear your dad chuckling.

You stiffen up. 

Your dad walked into the foyer and smiled down at you as he held out a hand.

You accept his help and stand back up.

"He seems like a nice kid." Your dad smiled at you. 

You narrowed your eyes and slightly pouted at him. 

Your dad always knew that you like boys, he figured it out himself when he noticed that all of the posters that were hung up on your bedroom wall were only hollywood actors. 

He must have figured out once you removed all of them, that you moved on because you got a... well a crush. 

You say nothing. You just wait on him to speak. 

"Son, I know how much school has been stressful on you so I figured that I would change your sheets the other day-"

"DAD!" You yell.

"I'm surprised you didn't notice..." He places a finger under his lip and scratches his chin. He drops it as he begins to speak again, "well. I saw the picture that you had underneath your pillows." 

You push your hands underneath your glasses and against your eyes. You printed out a photo of Dave so you could place it on your pillow next to you while you sleep. You only did that because your phones light keeps you up at night. _**'UGH! ' **_Your dad is smiling at you. You just keep making a sour grape face at his growing grin.

"I think it's nice that you have a crush, son."

You lower your brows slightly.

"Are those girls helping you get closer to him?"

You widen your eyes as you keep your lips pursed shut.

You swiftly answer with a decisive, "yes." Then you close your mouth shut again.

"Well then they really deserve something nice, ask them what their favorite dessert is, I'll make it for them." He smiles at you, "how about you make something for Dave yourself, then?"

_**"UGH DAD!" **_You really don't like how he's starting to get involved in this 

"What, son?" He laughs as he tells you, "I think he'd really appreciate if you'd make him something special. Every man's weak point is his stomach, that's what got me to fall for your mother."

_**"DAAAD!" **_You whine. 

You don't want him to get involved with this at all, it's bad enough Rose and Jade poke fun off you every chance they get! Now your dad is going to start prodding into your non existent love life too!? Still... he might have a point... about one thing at least.


	10. another day with you

Once John shut the door you got in the car. Jade sat in the front while Rose hoped in the back. The three of you were completely silent. You narrow your eyes, still covered with your shades. You're just waiting for when... Jade blew a raspberry and then the two of them just started cracking up. You made a sour face. 

_**"ARE YOU CUMING, JOHN?!"** _Jade was howling. 

“Dave! Ah! I already came!” Rose fakes a long moan. She starts laughing with Jade.

"You two are immature," You point at the Jade and then at Rose. "You fuckin know that?"

Rose attempted to say something but she just started snickering again. 

"And I said, aren't you coming." You corrected Jade, "it wasn't even close to-"

Jade started howling again. You're just making it worse. 

You just wait for her to get over it so she can give you directions back to her place, all the while glaring at the street in front of you.

* * *

When the bell rang for lunch you jumped up and walked right over to John. He was looking out the window again, his reflection lightly grazing the surface of the window, you could see his bright eyes, his lovely smile, even with a dazed expression he still looks so handsome. 

When you snapped out of it, you walked over to the cafeteria with John. He stepped in a lively page with you down the steps and over to the dining pavilion, he seemed eager to grab a tray of food and sit down. When you got back to Rose and Jade they were both pleased to see John so happy. He started digging something out of his backpack. 

John kept searching for something as he spoke, "my dad made something for each of you." He pulled out a white disposable box. John rested his hands over the box, before he opened it he said. "Actually, I had the time to bake something so I made... I made one myself."

He slowly pulled apart the folded box and revealed three small individual cakes. 

"Wow!" Jade stared wide eyed at each one. "These look gourmet!"

Jade pointed down at the cakes as she asked, "is the green one for me!?" 

"Yes." John smiled up at her. "I told my dad what all your favorite colors were."

John pulled it out for Jade, it was on a small round piece of something... something like cardboard. The square miniature cake had a layer of bright green frosting on top on a cake that looked more like a chocolate bar to you than an actual cake. 

Rose's was shaped more like an real miniature cake. The toppings were a few sugar powdered strawberries on top of a lavender colored cake. As John handed it over to her he told Rose, "it has a vanilla mousse inside."

Rose began. "That is very kind of him to make these for us. They look exquisite..." Rose looked up at John as she spoke, "which one did you make?"

"I made this one." He pointed down at the perfectly round red sphere. It was covered in a shiny red... frosting you think it is... It looks so smooth even with the specks off crumbs from the other cakes on it. John handed it to you. "Sorry, Dave... it looked better but it got... bounced around..."

You think that this is the greatest gift that anyone has ever given you. Some of the frosting is sticking up a bit but it's such an amazing gift. You stare down at it as you confess to him, "it looks great. I love it, John." 

_"Ohhhhoh."_ Jade joked, "you made that piece just for Dave. _Hu?" _

"Shut up." John laughed at Jade and flicked his wrist at her. He looked over at the wall. He was probably rolling his eyes.

"I can't believe that you've already moved on John." Rose jokes. 

You need to focus on the cake before you start breaking out into a sweat again. You cut into the cake with your fork, digging into the soft, spongy cake. As it turns out, a good potion of it was a chocolate mousse and the bottom layer was a chocolate cake. Before you could take a bite John replied to Rose, "I never really loved you." You looked over at him. John was scrunching up his nose up at her, "I was only in it for the money."

"Ohhhh!" Jade smiled and nodded. "Nice segway!"

"Yes." Rose smugly put a loose hand up to her chin, as she always does. "Perhaps if money interests you then you could assist us." 

"Yeah!" Jade happily hummed, as she pressed both of her fists up to her chest. "Rose and I are putting a band together for the song writing contest the library is having. We have to make study music." She points a finger at herself as she hums the words, "I play the bass-" Jade's pointing two fingers over at the blonde girl sitting next to her. "Rose plays the guitar-" 

John plays the piano. Rose knows this. She probably told Jade. She definitely told Jade about everything you have at home too. 

"What do you say John? Want to join us!?" She happily asked him as she dug a fork into her cake. She stared at him as she brought a chunk up to her mouth. She chewed the cake as she looked down at it and muttered, "oh this is damn good."

"Well... I don't know... I still have to study." John started scratching the back of his head.

"Well..." Rose carefully slide a fork and knife into her vanilla and lavender scented cake. "I suppose that if you do not wish to offer your help we could simply work with just Dave here." She lifted a hand up to you. Oh she's trying to make him feel left out just to push him into joining her. You don't approve of that. You let her know by giving her a frown.

"Do you play an instrument, Dave?" Jade tilted her head as she asked you the question. Rose didn't tell her yet.

"Turntables, midi fighters... I remix music." You list a few things out. You can't exactly play any traditional instruments... but you never really needed too. 

"Really?!" John sounded impressed and all together excited at the fact. You think you might have just caught his eye.

You scratch the back of your neck and let out your usual, predictable, dull, "yeah."

Rose told the table, "Dave also has music mixing equipment in his house."

"Hmmm." John started digging into his salad. "I guess I have a keyboard at home that I can like... plug into a computer... but I never used it that way before."

"Doesn't matter. I can figure it out." You automatically tell him. John was staring at you with a dazed look. You didn't mean to sound rude just, you know how shit like that works. "I uh- I mean if you want."

"I-I- uh-" John stumbles on his words a few times. He turned to face his salad instead of you. "Well..." He looked up at Rose and Jade to ask, "What's the prize?"

"Uh.... winning?" Jade shrugged like that was a no brainer.

"A 100$ amazon gift card." Rose answered.

"Oh! We could spit that four ways!" John sounded excited. "That is... **if** we win."

"I'm not in it for the_ money._" Rose sounded sarcastic, but it was a somewhat honest answer. "You can have my cut."

"Me neither. You can have mine too!" Jade beamed John a grin, "I just want to try making music with you guys for fun!"

"Uh... same here." You tell John. "If we win, you can keep it."

"Really..?" John looked between the three of you. "That's so cool guys."

"It's nothing really," Jade smiled at John. "But this cake, this is really something." She pointed down at what was left of hers with her fork. 

Rose nodded to agree. "It's amazing, it's got this subtle hint of lavender. I haven't had anything this exceptional in a long, long time." 

You guess it was your turn to speak. "I uh..." You feel a bit stupid saying this, but it's true. "This is the best thing I've ever eaten."

John looked at you, staring at you like your compliment put him into a stupor. You nodded at him and then went back to eating your cake. You can't look at him for too long, you don't want your mind to melt, no matter how euphoric staring into his eyes in a catatonic state would be... you can't let him know that you're on the verge of smashing your fist into your heart just to stop it from pounding. 

Jade chimed in. Saving you from any future embarrassment that turning sweaty and red at eating chocolate mousse would probably bring you. Jade cheerfully asked the whole table, "how about we start tomorrow. We can get all of our instruments from home and leave them in his trunk in the morning." Jade came up with a valid plan.

* * *

Of course after school ended you walked to the parking lot with Jade and met Rose and the love of your life on the way over to your car. You drove to John's house again and his dad was actually home already making dinner for all five of you. He told you that it was his dad off as he stood at the stove.

Jade cheerfully walked up to him and thanked him for the cake. She even took it so far as to hug him. You stood beside Rose as she stood next to John, all three of you smiling at the Jade holding onto John's dad. The hug went on long enough for Mr. Egbert to let go of her when he noticed that she wanted a longer hug he hugged her again and chuckled. John started laughing, his charming, entrancing laugh. You sighed as you turned your gaze onto the boy standing next to Rose. 

"Oh. Hey." Rose nudge you with her elbow. Then turned her attention to John, "you should bring John's keyboard into your car now, just in case he is late for our little assembly tomorrow morning." 

"Oh!" John perked up, "I'll go upstairs and get it!"

You turned around with him as he head out the room and into the small hallway again. He shot up the staircase, probably heading into his room to find his keyboard.

You looked back at Rose, She was giving you a smug look. Her black lips pursued into a mischievous half-smile. Her head tilted back and her lavender eyelids narrowed as she asked, "why don't you offer him some help?" 

"I think it's a little late to go upstairs now."

She kept giving you that smug look.

"Whatever you're going to say..." You tell her, "save it."

"Oh no." She slightly and slowly shakes her head. "It's nothing." 

She must be trying hard to get you to even **think** about heading up into his bedroom. Damn it. She did. 

John was so quick to grab his keyboard he was already racing down the stairs. 

"You should at least get the door for him then when you take him to place that thing in your trunk, Strider." Rose smiled at you.

You're shades were obscuring your glare but from how she started grinning at you, she must know that you're pissed at her and he bullshit fuckery.

John was hosting his keyboard and brought it with him to the door... despite your offers to carry it for him. You held the door instead and rushed to get your trunk open. He thanked you for helping in and head off inside, he seemed more focused on getting back in then on you. Something that you would hate to admit that you're grateful for... whenever you're alone with John you stare at him like an idiot and stutter like an asshole because he turns your mind to buttery gold, you slip and all your mushed up thoughts turn into fucked up words. 

John head into the kitchen and you followed. Rose and Jade already took their seats, practically demanding your, rather than inviting you, to sit near John again. You guess you already had assigned seating. John's dad finished up setting the table and invited you all to dig in. Right away you all got to thanking him, you thought it was really cool he'd cook this much for all of you. He made roast beef, oven roasted brussel sprouts steamed veggies and rice. Each of you filled your plates as Mr. Egbert started up a conversation with the rest of the table, "John told me alot about each of you, still I'd like to ask what do your... guardians do?"

Rose takes to answering first. “I’m sure you figure me to be a scion with my manner of speech, and yes that is the case. My mother married into wealth, my father died when I was young. She works as an astronomer.”

After Rose answered she turned her head and glanced over at you, expecting you to answer next. The smug ass look on her face right now...

“My bro makes… websites and he does a lot of freelance work.” You told the table. "He also invests in like... stocks... That's how he makes his money." That isn't a lie, that's how he makes a living. 

You looked over at Jade, to save yourself from any further questions. You haven't known her for very long but you already feel like you know how this is probably going to go.

“Um…" Jade is looking down at her plate, she looks stiff as she speaks. "I live with my grandpa but he travels all the time..."

Everyone at the table waited on her to say more as she picked at the roasted brussel sprouts John's dad made.

"My grandpa is the… the guy who created... Skianet.” 

Mr. Egbert _tried _not to emote to that. He tried not to, still he couldn’t stop his eyebrow from pulling away from his eyes as he gave her a polite, acknowledging smile. Rose already told you, when Jade's grandpa dies apparently she is going to inherit everything that he owns, all of his companies, all of his property, all of his cash. Eventually, Jade Harley is going to be the wealthiest person on the planet.

Jade awkwardly, and quietly, laughed as she started talking again, “Uhh, I used to live alone on an island for a while... but I asked my grandpa if I could move to the mainland cause I wanted to make friends. I wanted to spend time with them in person and not just chat with the friends I have online.”

Seeing how nervous Jade was Rose chimed in, “Dave was homeschooled for a while too actually.” She took a sip from her glass and then spoke again. "His 'bro' is very close to my mother. She convinced his 'bro' that it was a good idea."

You still remember how that went...

_He was typing away at his keys, staring at two of his monitors in the living room as you walked up and stood in between the living room and the kitchen. _

_“Bro, I want to start school.” You came right out and asked him._

_“You are in school.” He didn’t even look up from his computer to speak with you._

_“Real school.” You continue, “with Rose.”_

_“I told you that the education you would get there would be pointless." He says the words with the driest voice he can muster. "On top of that, it would be a waste of time and money.”_

_Even though he still isn't looking at you, you nod. “We both know that this is going to end up with you say that I should stay homeschooled.” You raise up your phone. He still isn’t looking at you. You press the call button your thumb has been hovering over. _

_Immediately_... _she picked up. **“OHHH! DAVE! It’s been so long!”**_

_“Hi, Ms. Lalonde.” You talked into your phone._

_He finally turned around and started growling at you, “Don’t You Fucking Dare.” _

_“Why did you call, sweetie?" Rose’s mom asked you. "Your older brother wouldn’t happen to be giving you trouble again now, would he?” You were sure that he could hear Roxy's voice. _

_The room was dead silent, other then the hums of computer fans, there was a tense silence following the absence of her cheerful voice. _

_“No, it’s not about him.” You turn your head to look back at him. He’s wearing his shades but you can just tell that he is glaring at you. You turn around again and continue, “I’ve just been feeling stuck... I haven’t really gone out in while and I really miss seeing Rose. She told me about her campus and that she made a few friends, you know Ms. Lalonde… she’s actually my only friend.”_

_“Awwwww!” She sounded so upset on your behalf. “Dave! Awww my **poor** baby! I know what you need! Is your brother home?” She sounded sure of herself, almost like you could hear that she was nodding to herself. Yep. She’s going to do all the heavy lifting for you._

_“Yeah, I’ll get him.” You turned around and handed the phone to him._

_He took a breath to speak but she immediately cut him off- _

_“Dirk!” She yelled through the phone and into his ear. “Your little baby brother told **me** that he feels trapped at home!” You could only hear her through the phone but you know that she was pouting. “He misses his only friend and he never gets to see her!”_

_“Roxy, I-"_

_“He’s looneely!” She whined as she interrupted him again. “He felt so sad that he called meee!” She whined out the words, “oh Dirk...”_

_She only paused for a brief moment, your bro jumped at the chance to get a word in, _ _“Roxy, I told you already that-"_

_“If you can’t afford tuition I’ll pay for it!” She sounded like she was taking pity on him and yet she was still so cheerful about her offer. He muted your mic as she kept talking. “You know my daughter right now is starting to actually make friends but of course Rosey never tells me anything unless I **poke** it out of her!” _

_Roxy keeps loudly talking into her phone as your bro directs his attention to you, ignoring her words and focusing his gaze onto you._

_“You did this.” Your brother narrows his brows at you. _

_“You forced my hand.” You lightly cross your arms. You used your trump card. _

_She is still going. “-I keep asking her if there’s any cute girls she likes and she keeps yelling at me ‘MOOOM STOP!’ It’s so cute. Just imagine doing that with Dave! Come oooon! He’s going to get **so many crushes**, we aren’t going to know what to do with him! He’s so handsome now! All of those sweet kids are going to want a piece of **my little Davey!** He's going to have to fight them off with sticks." She gasps. "NOOOO! he’s growing up too fast!-”_

_Your brother kept his attention on you, you were still crossing your arms, returning his gaze, despite the fact you are both wearing shades._

_“I bet you think that you’re clever.” He’s definitely glaring at you. _

_“Then tell **her.** no.” You lift up one palm from your elbow and point at your phone. _

_“Fucking-" He sighed and unmute your phone. “I’ll pay for it Rox.”_

_“Yaaaay!” You could hear her cheer, she might have already tapped into her wine cellar this early in the day, but she is always this cheerful when she hears from you. She continues, “Dirk! You are letting Dave sprout his little wings and aww, soon he’s gonna leave the nest. I know you worry about him, but he’s better off if he sees the real world. I know that you don’t want him going through any of what you went through but-”_

_“Roxy.” He interrupted her. “I have to go.” He sighed._

_“And what is more important than talking to your bestie?!” Rose prodded him. _

_Your bro huffed out his nose. “...I have to register Dave for school.” _

_**“AH!”** She let out a loud, sudden and quick shriek. He pulled your phone a bit away from his ear. _ _She continued, “yes. Go do that.”_

_”I love you Dirky Jerky.” She hummed to him._

_He took a moment before telling her, “feeling mutual.”_

_“KISSES!” Roxy cheered and hung up with a "okay! Byeee!"_

_“I’m going to pay for this so you best not skip class.” He outstretches his hand to hand you your phone back._

_“Wasn’t planning on it.” You grab onto your phone, he's still holding onto it._

_“-And call her for something like this again and see what happens.” He pulls your phone away from you._

_“Next time she calls me I’ll put in a good word for you.” You take your phone back._

You finished dinner and ate a vanilla cake that looked like it was stripped of all of it's frosting, Mr. Egbert said it was a naked cake. Regardless, it was covered in fruit. 

"We had to use the rest of the strawberries and blueberries before they went bad." John smiled at everyone at the table as he made himself a small cup of coffee. You watched him as he poured some creamer into his cup and then diverted his attention back to you. You stuffed your face so you went expected to say anything, still he asked you if you enjoyed dinner. You nodded, you swallowed down the light fluffy cake and gathered the courage to say, "loved it."


	11. Hopefully

Before dinner was over your dad invited all of your friends to come over for dinner whenever they liked, every day if they wanted... Dave... coming over your house... everyday... You're not sure if you are in heaven or your own special circle of hell.

Once again, after dinner you walked everyone to the door. You waved the three of them goodbye. After you shut the door you blew out a gust of air from your lungs. Somehow you got roped into making a song with your friend, which is fine and all... but they expect you to go over to Dave's place after school. You already let your dad know.

He nodded and smiled, with a smug look in his eye. Damn it. He seemed like he was proud of Rose and Jade for **forcing** you, _his own son_, into spending more time with Dave. You narrowed your eyes at him, letting him know that you don't approve of his current demeanor.

* * *

_You were walking in the halls of your school, heading over to the bathrooms. When you got there, the door to the men's room swung open and accidently hit your nose. You grabbed on to it and then started rubbing it._

_"Are you alright, John?" _

_You looked up at the boy holding the door, Dave was the one who sung it open. _

_"I'm okay," you stop rubbing your nose. _

_"I'm so sorry!" He tried to apologize for what just happened._

_You raise up a hand to calm him, "it's alright, you didn't mean to-"_

_Dave just swooped you off his feet, he pulled you close, "are you sure you're okay?"_

_"I-I am..." You gaze into his black shades. As inky black as the depths of space, with a shine as light as the stars. _

_"Good." He sounded relieved. "I'd hate for you to get hurt, **my love.**"_

_"Ah, Dave!" You swooned as he held _ _you close to him in both of his arms. "This is all so sudden!"_

_He sounded smug as he held onto you, "I see the way that you looked at me at dinner last night." He was telling you that he saw right through your constant blundering, "you kept staring at me and I figure that you're interested in me -and why hide it?- I've had my eye on you since we met." _

_You put your hand up to your face to cover your overbite as you giggle,_ _"Oh Dave. You're so forward!" You bring your hand down and tilt your head, you can't hold back your smile._

_His voice sounds so alluring as he claims, "I love your smile." _

_Instantly you press your lips against his. When you pulled away from him he told you, "not only that... **I love you.**" _

You started cheering and thoughtlessly giggling in your bed. Oh Damn it! You were daydreaming again, well actually... zoning out as you laid in bed counts more as regular dreaming... Still you guess you could spend some more time resting in bed before your alarm goes off...

_You picture going over to Dave's house like you're going to right after classes are over only... like usual Rose and Jade canceled again on you two... _

_"Sorry we have to work on this alone, John."_

_"No it's alright..." You tell Dave. You're sitting on his sofa. He sits down right besides you, only about a foot apart. He places his hand right besides yours and removes his shades to look into your eyes. The two of you exchange glances, looking into each other's respective irises. You try to find the words to say... there's nothing coming to your mind... looking into his eyes makes your mind, your limbs, your body... everything about you completely numb to everything except for thoughts of the love of your life, Dave. He slowly traces his hand up the couch and over your hand. You look down at his hand as he wraps it around yours. No words need to come between the two of you. You lean into him, as you have done once before. You press your lips against his, succeeding where you have onced failed. He pulls away from you, you can see in his eyes he's craving something more than just a peck on the lips. You press your finger against his lips, "I'm not so easy that I'll give you anything more than that." _

_He smiles at you, "I know, that's why I have to work hard... just to be worthy of even being near you."_

_"Oh stop it." You turn your head and lightly swat the air towards him with your free hand. You turn back to him and smile. "Go on."_

_He uses his free hand to run his fingers through the side of your hair, holding onto your hand with his other palm. "The cake you made me was the best thing I've ever had. I love your cooking, you're amazing... like so talented it makes my heart stop just looking into your perfect ocean blue eyes."_

_You giggle again at his words. "You're just saying all that."_

_"No." He seemed eager to correct you, "I really do love your cooking, and that's not just because I love you. You're amazing at everything you do!"  
_

_You let out a long high-pitched squeal. You were so thrilled with that you kicked up your legs, then started pounding your feet against the... _mattress? You shot your eyes open. Great! You slept past your freaking alarm again! It's blaring right next to you. You shut it off and tuck away your picture of Dave. You pull it out from under your pillow to kiss it and then slide it back. 

You forced yourself up and rushed to get dressed, this time you tucked in your shirt and wore the black wrist watch your dad gave you. You checked the mirror to make sure that you looked at least decent. As you looked at your reflection you narrowed your eyes and nodded. 

You head out the door and biked to school again, focused on starting the day with Dave... Shit, if you had to carry your keyboard to school you would have been screwed. You'll have to tell Rose 'good looking out.'

You saw Dave's car in the parking lot and drove your bike over to meet with the three of them. You hopped off your bike as you slowly rolled up to them. 

Dave was helping Jade fit her bass guitar into his trunk. Rose was still holding onto her violin case. Rose placed a hand on her hip as she turned towards you. "Speak of the devil." 

"We were just talking about you!" Jade cheerfully greeted you. 

"Really now?" You asked the two girls.

Dave seemed focused on fitting Jade's bass in his trunk. His back was facing you. You kept your eyes on him while you had the chance.

"Scoping out the view?" Shit. Jade called you out.

You looked at Rose, asking her to help you out of this, Rose lifted her eyebrows up and down several times, wearing a smug grin. You are on your own. You suppose you could joke around with Dave... as long as his back is turned... you check to make sure he's still turned... He is but... maybe if you invite him to jest with you by fake flirting he'll start doing it and kill your heart and-

"Jeez John!" Jade joked again, "take your eyes off Dave's ass." 

"I can't help it!" You blurt out. "It's right there!"

_'Shit! **SHIT!'**_

You nervously waited on a reaction. From Dave. From one of the girls. From the world... everything went completely silent. In the distance you can hear maybe a few cars passing the streets and birds chirping. At this point you are waiting to hear something like a slide whistle as a giant anvil drops from the sky to crush you.

Dave turned around.

You're eyes widened.

He smiled at you. Dave asked, "like what you see?"

You smile back at him. 

The two of you exchanged a long, painful, awkward smile.

The entire time you grinned at him you could hear your own dying cry pounding in your skull,  "**AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**" 

"Wow hey look a the time." You look at your wrist watch your dad bought you, "I should lock up my bike."

You kept screaming in your head, "YOU DUMBASS IDIOT! SHIT! YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT IDIOT!" 

* * *

Dave walked up to your desk again after homeroom, inviting you to walk with him to lunch again.

Wonderful. 

Great. 

You've actually been focused in your classes today because you've been suppressing the memory of what you fucking did in the morning. You just keep smiling at Dave as you walk down the hall... still everything is flooding back to your brain. Dave hunched over his trunk. You were scanning him completely, up and down, you were just looking at him... but when Jade pointed out you were staring you couldn't stop staring at his- _**UGH! **_It's not like you meant to! It was just! It was! _**UGH!!!**_

"You okay, John?" Dave sounded concerned. You must have been making faces. ADD IT TO THE LIST OF WAYS YOU FUCKED UP TODAY!

You smile and point behind you, "I forgot my bag and my dad made sugar cookies for you guys- uh- I'll-" You're eyes started darting around the hall. "I'll go grab it."

"I can come with you." Dave instantly offered.

"Oh, no. I'll just be a second!" You turn around and run off before he can follow you, just like when you were home yesterday. You couldn't have him see that you have a photo of you on your desk you wrote 'dont second guess yourself john' on. You left it there to inspire yourself to study harder... **_ugh! _**

Lucky the door to your homeroom wasn't locked even though the lights were off. You bent down to grab your bag from under your desk in the dark. You accidently hit your forehead on your desk as you bent over to pick it up.

God, you are a royal fuck up today. You feel like crying. You just crouch down under your desk. You notice that there's a piece of gum on the side of your shoe.

_'Everything just keeps coming up Egbert.'_

You take a deep breath and groan it out. Things are just going to get _better and better._

If worse comes to worse you can just head for the bathroom again to avoid talking with Dave... if he's supposed to be the love of your life... then why can it be such a challenge to talk with him...? Maybe... it isn't... maybe Rose and Jade have the right idea... maybe you _can_ make jokes with him. You can just treat him like a friend and if the two of you get along then things will just... _work out...?_ **Uhhhgh... **If only it was that easy... 

You start actually dragging out your bag from under your desk. You heard the clicking of the door to the classroom opening.

"John?"

At the sound of Dave's voice you perked up and hit the top of your head on the bottom of your desk. You move your head out from under it. You look down at the ground and start rubbing the top of your head to feel if you have a bump, "ouch."

"Are you okay?" Dave's voice is coming from right in front of you.

You look up at him and see he's extending a hand to help you up. You are hesitant to take it... still you do. As he pulls you up you quitely answer him, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure that you're okay, man?" He keeps moving his head around, like he's searching your face for the answer

"I'm fine." You smile at him. "I barely even bumped my head." Dave seems concerned so... you lied. You're head is throbbing. 

"That's good." Dave tells you. "I'd hate for you to get hurt, John." 

* * *

You have no idea how you expect to survive this. 

Lunch was hard enough as it is.

You and Dave both just kept stuffing your face and listening to the girls but your hands both touched when you reached for a napkin from the small pile in the middle of the table.

You walked over to Dave's car with Rose. You asked her for some advice.

"Just keep focused on the music, John." She told you, keeping her eyes focused on her phone in front of her.

"Easy for you to say, and you know- **you didn't help me at all this morning.**" You snipped at her.

"Yes, yes." Rose seemed more focused on her phone then you, "Dave's ass is very distracting, still try to keep focused on the music." She's hardly paying attention to you.

_**"UGHHH!" **_You hung your head low as you trudge forward into the parking lot.

"I swear Rose... I think that I'm going to die today." You tell her. "I think that you and Jade just killed me."

"Well..." Rose sucked on her tongue, "the silver-lining is you will leave behind a rather _titillating_ corpse."

You raised your head to glare at her, she stared back at you as you said, "I don't need any of your necrophilic comments..." You sigh. "You've doomed me." 

Rose looked back down at her phone, trying to conceal a smile. 

"Your sending me off to my grave." You hung your head back down and stared at the street under your feet. 

"We can bury you under the plastic CVS bags and McDonald's wrappers on the way over." She jests. 

You groaned and annoyed her for the rest of the walk. You made it over to Dave's car so you had to pick your head back up again. You must have made a sour face or something when you got into the passenger's seat because Dave was staring at you.

"Is your head still hurting, John?" He still sounds concerned. Oh God. He's just too sweet not to fawn over. 

You take a deep breath through your nose before you say, "I feel fine, Dave. I'm okay..."

"You sure...?" Dave tilted his head.

"Oh no... Dave." Rose placed her hand on the back of your chair as she leaned in to tell him something with a concerned tone in her usually dull voice. "John has a headache."

"Really?" Dave asked you. You yourself don't know what Rose is getting at here, your heads been fine for the past few classes.

"He does." Rose nods. "Because it's blazing hot in here."

"Yeah!" Jade got where Rose was going with this, "turn on the car! You're killing him!"

Dave instantly stuck the keys in the ignition. He rolled down the windows to let out the hot air, the ac in his car takes a few seconds to start turning cool. He had the radio on today, just playing some commercials you mindlessly listened to as you glanced out the window. Suddenly the car jolted to a stop. You clenched your teeth together, trying to pay Dave's driving no mind-

"Dave!" Jade yelled out. "Focus on the road and not on John's ass!"

You're eyes slowly peeled open. You pressed your lips together to keep yourself from screaming. 

"Sorry..." Dave apologized. 

He sounded so sincere that you turned around to look at him, leaving one of your hands on top of the window. Dave was looking right at you.

"You just looked so good I couldn't help but stare." He smiled at you and then stared back at the road.

You shoved him, acting like you're buddy-buddy. You turn to look back at the window. Using every inch of your will and your inner strength not to scream into the street. 

* * *

You rolled up to a nice looking apartment building. Dave drove up a garage building all the way to the roof and parked in a numbered spot, must be his. You all got out and walked around his car, stepping behind Dave's trunk.

Jade deepened her voice to tell Dave, "open the pod bay doors, HAL!" 

Dave opened the trunk for her and helped the girls get out there instruments.

"Oh! Such a gentlemen!" Jade joked, noting that Dave is helping Rose by handing her his instrument. 

"Yes," Rose was speaking in a slightly posher voice, "why he is a fop who takes as much pride in being honorable as he takes pride in his appearance."

Rose is right... he's just as kind as he is handsome.

You need to push the thought from your mind if you are going to survive this... 

But you can't stop thinking about what Dave said earlier! He joked about how good you look that he can't help himself he has to look at you! UGH! You have to tell Jade and Rose to cool it on the jokes, if Dave keeps this up you will keel over and you will die. You're heart will just give out, like it's right a-fucking-bout too. 

You walk through the garage and step to the elevator. Dave told you that he lives on the very top floor. He lives in the top floor of a luxury apartment building. Jesus God... every part of him is like a freaking fantasy. You follow behind him, watching his every step. You try your best to calm your heart. To focus on the advice that Rose gave you... wait.. she hardly said anything- just focus on the music... yeah... yeah you can do that...

hopefully...


	12. a melody for you

You unlocked the door and peaked your head in to your apartment. 

No sign of your brother. 

You're in the clear. 

Jade stepped in front of you as you held the door open, she was carrying her case for her bass guitar on her back. "Thanks bruh." She joked as she made a shaka sign and entered your apartment. 

Rose thanked you as well as she walked past you, she was carrying her violin case with one hand. 

John smiled at you, he was carrying his sweet leather shoulder bag as he shyly waved at you. After he walked past you, you placed a hand over your chest and grab onto your uniforms white shirt. You slowly close the door, you're facing the door as you continue to clench your fist and tug at the fabric of your button up.

John's been killing your heart all day.

He joked that he was checking you out in the morning!

He touched your hand at lunch!

_**And...**_ He smiled at you after you_ jokingly_ confessed, on the way over, that he looked so good you had to stare at him. 

He's just been destroying your heart completely today... 

With the way that he was gazing out of the window... His chin resting on his hand. His eyes shining as he looked out at the city sidewalk. His hair fluttering in the wind... just like his eyelashes always do. John Egbert could literally cause a traffic jam with those looks of his... 

_**God! **_He's always on your mind but today's been a _nightmare_ with all of the different ways he's been tugging at your heart...

Worst of all, he bumped his head because **you** startled him. God, you've been beating yourself up about that all day, worried that you gave him a headache or a concussion or- 

"Strider?" Rose asks for your attention. You loosen your grip on your shirt and fully turn to face Everyone. Rose asked you, "where's John's keyboard?"

"I'll grab it..." You hurried into your room to grab it for him. You're glad that he didn't come in with you... it would be too embarrassing to try to come up with a lie on the spot for why it was on your bed. Still, if you joked that you slept with it in your arms maybe it'll sound so funny that he won't figure that that's the truth.

You notice that all three of them are standing around in your living room now. You tell them, "you can just put your stuff down wherever you find the space."

You're hoping that John doesn't judge you for the mess. The living room is just as messy as the floor of your car. There's a few old burger wrappers, paper from used straws, cumps of rejected notebook paper, used up pens, pocket change, and just about any type of candy wrapper the human mind can imagine. 

You finish walking up to John and you hand him back his wireless keyboard. He smiles at you, one of his signature sheepishly shy smiles, as he takes it from your hands. You instantly turn around and try to find something to do so you as an out, you don't think you can talk directly to him right now after all that happened today. Instead, you grab a few of your brothers old extra-fuckin-large gas station soda cups off of his desk. This computer is for the whole house to use, which to be fair is just you, your bro, and Rose whenever she sneaks over to get away from her mom. You cleaned up the area a bit as everyone else got settled in.

Jade put her bass down on your black leather sofa. Rose was uncasing her violin on top of the small table that was right in front of the couch. John sat down in the loveseat, furthest from the computer monitor. John rested his keyboard down on his lap. He is sweetly pressing at the keys to test how loud they are. He looks so adorable sitting down on your couch as he's playing his keyboard while sitting down on your couch... he's sitting down on... _your_ couch... You don't know if you can do this. You start to feel sweat pooling on not just your palms but the back of your neck. Shit. You need an out. "Bathroom." You point your thumb over your shoulder and behind you. Then you turn to head for the place you just randomly said. God... you sounded like a fucking idiot tool. 

You spend a few moments collecting yourself, swearing, collecting yourself, sweating, trying to calm your thoughts- but how are you supposed to anyway when the love of your life, your future husband, and the most compassionate person you've ever met is sitting down in_ **your**_ loveseat in. your. house. Maybe if you just focus on the song, the music... It's a task, something you can do. Just focus on making something and not on John as he plays music right behind you as you sit at the computer desk and record him playing... just tapping away at his keys and lightly playing a melody... Rose told you that he was pretty talented... oh god... this is going to be even harder then sitting next to him at the movies. You're going to have to focus on him playing beautiful soul soothing music. Oh. God. No. 

You had to get back out there. You sat down and asked Rose to come up to help you figure out a few things. Jade walked up to help you as well, the two of them instructed you on the kind of music they wanted to make. Jade showed you a few examples, nearly all of them sounded like adult swim bumps to you. You guess something in the realm of intelligent dance music or ambient techno makes sense for study music. You showed Jade a few more songs following what she told you. Jade got a bit to excited with one of the songs sounding just like she envisioned in her head. 

Rose stood right besides her as Jade bounced up and down as she pointed at the screen. "Make drum beats like that!"

"Easy." You nod at her. You opened up some music software and get to work setting up a beat similar to what you just heard. You aren't going to rip it off, just use it as a base for inspiration like what Jade instructed. She said something about wanting it to sound like _'a dream.' _You distort the beat a bit, it almost sounds like it's sizzling. Took you maybe a little over a minute to do finish the beat. 

Jade cheerfully clapped her hands together, "you're amazing!"

You get up from your chair to find the mic, it's somewhere in the living room. You told everyone what you were looking for and that you wanted to record them playing as soon as possible. 

You started looking underneath the table in the living room right in front of the couches for the mic. You bent over and searched underneath it. You saw it at the very end of the table, your bro must have crammed it under there for more space for cups and hot pocket cardboard. You grabbed the mic as you hoist yourself up by grabbing onto the loveseat besides you, at least... you meant to... you were holding onto John's knee. You could feel an aching dark pit rise up from the bottom of your lungs and quickly rushing to your cerebrum. You have to use up all of your will not to just scream. Instead you take the mic, slowly pull yourself up and pat John's knee. You stand straight up. You walk over to the desk. You sit back down and you plug in the goddamn mic all the while blankly staring, with the shrieking sound of your soul’s dying cry pounding in your skull.

* * *

Rose was the first one to start playing. You took small samples of her running her bow over her strings to use for the song. Jade pointed to your monitor, showing you where she wanted to stick a few things in. Rose rerecorded a few things, Jade happily directed her after each recording what to fix. You blankly stared at the screen. Clicking record on and off when Jade told you too. You tried to focus on the music. You could only focus on how you just desecrated John's knee on accident.

Fucking amazing, first you confess that you think John looks so good to you that you can't help but stare at him and just now you held onto his knee?! 

_'Why don't I just walk up to him and swoop him off his feet!? Oh and while I'm at it, I can wrap my arms around his waist and confess that I wasn't joking, yeah... I really was eyeing him in the car!'_

Suddenly, the sound of someones phone pining snapped you out of your thoughts. Rose let out a light astonished groan, _"augh."_ She dug her phone out of her pocket with her free hand, still holding her violin in the other. She eyes the top of her screen, biting down on the side of her lip as she read the message she just received. "It completely slipped my mind... I have violin lessons this evening." She looked up at you, lowering her brows as she says, "I apologize but I have leave."

"That's fine, Rose." Jade waved Rose off as Rose grabbed her things. "I think we've got this."'

"If you need more recording... I can stop by tomorrow." Rose brushed her short blonde hair out of her face and placed a strand behind her ear. She did seem like she was really rushing out the door.

"You're fine, Rose." You acknowledge this is probably an honest mistake.

"Yeah. I think we've got more than enough!" Jade smiled at her. 

"Thank you all." Rose headed for her case, she clasped it shut after she put in her violin. She took off for the door, "farewell."

"Bye, Rose!" Jade called to her just as John wished her luck with her lesson. 

"Peace." You told Rose as she shut the door.

"Right!" Jade moved over to the couch to grab her bass. "Let's work on getting a bass riff going!"

* * *

Jade was pretty quick to find a riff you all liked, or well... mostly one that she liked... she really took charge of the whole thing. You were happy that she really pulled herself into this, saved you from having to talk to much and your mind is already numb from having John in your house, you think you'd just end up embarrassing yourself further and your heart just can't take any more strife today. 

Jade just finished directing you where she wanted the riff she just played to fit into the song. She wanted you to make it, in her words, 'wobbly and choppy.' When it was the way she liked it she told you she wanted to sit down and take a break. 

Jade packed up her bass and sat down on the couch, in the spot closest to John. Resting bass down on the floor ahead of her and holding onto the neck of her fabric case.

Jade was hyping you up, telling John just how cool you are again, she just got finished telling him about how skilled you seem. John nodded along with her and occasionally chimed in with a few good words. You took a deep breath each time he did that. 

"Dave got the song to sound just like it is in my head!" Jade happily wobbled from side to side, sitting and holding her bass guitar.

"Yeah." John smiled at her, "he's pretty talented, isn't he?"

You take in a deep breath through your nose. You just remembered that John once told you that he thought you were good at everything... You light blow all the air in your lungs out of your mouth. The two of them were looking at you so you found another out.

You got up and offered to the two of them, "want something to drink?"

"I'm good, thanks." Jade turned her head to look at you and flashed you a happy grin.

"No..." John smiled up at you as well. "but thank you."

When you turned around you had to hurry over to your fridge and grab a bottle of coke. You had to take a moment to just rest in the fridge with the cold air on your face. You clenched your hands around the bottle and around your open fridge door.

When you got back up John and Jade were joking around. John was searching through his phone for something to probably show her. God you were hoping it was some weird ass, bizarro meme, that way you could justify to yourself falling in love with him so fast. You made your way back over to the couch and sat down besides Jade, eager to see what John was looking for online.

"Whoa." John was holding up his phone, taking a moment to read what it was that surprised him again. "Jade you didn't tell me your grandpa is in town." 

"What?" She asked him. Sounding surprised, and yet still calm, at what he said. She let out a dry laugh. "Ha... he didn't tell me he was coming..."

"Oh... _shoot._" John told her, right then Jade took his phone right from out of his hands.

Jade seemed a bit shocked at whatever John just found on his phone. You lean over her shoulder and see it's a small news article about how the founder of skianet is in town for some sort of meeting... something about one of his businesses merging with another company. Before you could read what John found Jade handed the phone back to him, with a dazed expression on her face.

"I must have ruined the surprise then..." John awkwardly smiles at her as he shrugs. 

Slowly Jade's shocked expression turned into a huge grin, _"I have to go hooome."_ She sung the words as she sat up and swung her bass over her shoulder. "I'll let you know if I can come to dinner or not- I-" She told John as she leaned over and hugged him goodbye.

_"I have to gooooo!!!"_ Jade patted John's back and then quickly let go of him.

She rushed over where you were sitting and gave you a great big bear hug too. "My place isn't too far from here so don't worry for even a second about driving me!"

"Let me just-" She looked around the living room for something... looking for her- "AW! Shoot!" She slapped herself in the face. She looked back at you. "Dave! Is it cool if I meet you in the morning if I don't come to dinner? I left my bag in your car!!”

"Yea-"

"Awesome!" Jade cut you off. "You're the best!!! Good luck on finishing up!"

Jade head for the door as John told her, "have fun, Jade!"

"I will!" Jade waved the two of you goodbye, "Bye, guys!"

After she shut the door it hit you.

You were left completely alone... with John...

You could feel the weight of the entire universe collapse onto your soul. 

You smile at John and invited him to come over to the computer desk.

He is so cute. He forgot his keyboard besides his seat. He seemed so embarrassed that he forgot it. He's so shy over every little mistake he makes, he's probably so used to being perfect. 

You pull out the desk chair, dragging it out to the side. You smile at him as you hold onto the chair, standing behind it. Offering him the seat. He takes it and stutters, "th-thank you."

"You're adorable."

Your face drops.

_'Jesus. Fucking. Christ._ _what the FUCK did I just say...?'_

You walk over to the desk and crotch down in front of the monitor. You just keep focused on the music. You angled the mic down so it would pick up the sounds coming from his keyboard. "Alright." You just keep facing forward. "Let's get started." 

* * *

John came up with the idea of just putting in a repeating melody. He delicately played a few different strings of notes. You thought each one sounded beautiful. Each time you would tell him, "perfect." But he seemed to think otherwise. He's shake his head and tell you that he could come up with better.

Sometimes he would rework what he just played for you, other times he would start fresh, make something completely new. You recorded each one. You would have to bite your lip to keep yourself from sighing at his melodies. The dream like beats weren't helping you stay focused, you kept zoning out, gawking at him till he finished each string of notes. John kept striving to do better. Once you snapped into the real world again you'd tell him that everything you recorded was prefect for what you needed. 

"No, Dave... I swear I can do better." John shook his head at you.

You looked at John as he tried to figure out something that he, himself, approved off. You gave him a sorrowful smile without him even noticing. He seemed like he was beating himself up for not being good enough for you, when he was absolutely perfect this entire time. When you finished the next recording you stood back up again, you stretch out your back. "We can pick this up later. For now why don't we just chill."

John moved back to the loveseat, right where he was sitting before. You offered him something to drink again. This time John actually took you up on grabbing some water. You dug through the fridge and grabbed him a bottle and got yourself a sprite. 

"Oh, cool." John looked at the bottle, he must never drink from water bottle you guess. "Thanks, Dave."

"No problem." You sit down in the closest spot near him. Sitting down on the leather sofa as John sat in the loveseat again. You lean your arm on the arm rest and tell him, "John, man, you are like... fuckin molzart on the keyboard."

"That's... kind of you to think..." John opened up the cap on his bottle as he spoke, "I think you're much better at... well making music then I am... I can only really play pieces that other people wrote." 

You tell him, "you're already skilled man, you just have to branch out. Try making something new... but damn, man... you _already_ gave me so much to work with. You’re already amazing." You smile at him, "it's going to be hard picking out which one's the best, all of them are perfect." Maybe you told him a bit too much of what you think about him...

John looked down at his bottle, he's still being so hard on himself, "I really appreciate you saying that, Dave."

You take a swig from your own bottle. You have to choose between not embarrassing yourself further by filling your mouth with soda as an excuse not to speak... or making a fool of yourself to cheer up John... it's a no fucking brainer.

You swallow down your soda.

"You don't have to take my word for it, man." You tell him, "just wait till we win and you'll see what I mean." 

He looks back up at you, "you really think we'll win? There's like... so many music students at our school. I just...” He sighs and looks back down. “I don't know." 

"I'm sure we will, and even if we don't..." as you speak, John lift his head back up to look at you again, "I'm just happy to be able to be able to hang with you again."

"Oh..." John looks back down at his hand, "shoot... I said that I'd get the drinks."

"It's fine, you can next time we go out together." You smile at him.

"Well... I guess we can... when I get my grades back up..." John gives you another solemn smile, he sounds a bit more cheerful now.

You keep encouraging him, "I'm sure that'll be soon."

John sighs, "I'm not so sure..." He shakes his head as he gives you a soft smile. He slowly blinked, when he reopened his eyes he was looking off to the side. You can't let him melt your brain right now, or your heart. John seems so disappointed in himself, you can't let him go on like this.

"John, you picked up on Jade's lesson so fast." You gained back his attention as you spoke, his eyes are on you now. You continue, "I mean, it's like... crystal-fucking-clear to me that you work your ass off, you're grades are going to go back up... I think if **you **work at something, it'll just happen."

"You're right." His brows lowered, you could see his eyes flare up, like a blue flame. He nodded once at you. "I already decided that my grade's will go up again. Why'd I even let myself think otherwise."

You give him a grin. He seems so determined to you now. He’s got to be so used to executing things perfectly, he’s got to be stumped on his grades being low but you can just tell John is as bold as a motherfucker. He’s got this, he can do anything. You truly believe that. 

"...you really mean that though?" John asks you to clarify something, "if I work at something... you think it'll just happen?" 

You bite down on the side of your lip and nod your lightly head a few times. You keep bobbing your head as you say, "yeah."

John nodded at you again. He took in a deep sigh and breathed it out. "I hope you're right."

You started nodding your head again, this time narrowing your eyes behind your shades as you tell him, "I know I am."

He takes another swig of water as he watches you intently. John places the bottle back into his lap, never breaking his gaze away from your shades. "how are classes going for you?"

"Fine." You tell him, that's a pretty accurate assessment seeing that you mainly get C's. 

"I'm happy to hear that." John tells you. He tilts his head to ask you, "just now, you were _reaaalllly_... you know, um... good with making music on the computer. Do you think you can show me what you showed Jade?"

"No problem." Instantly you sat up and walked over with John to your desk again. You knelt down and offered John the chair again. He seemed hesitant to sit down in it a second time, seeing you kneel down on the floor. You smile at him, "it's okay, I'd rather you be comfortable." You reassure him. You focus on the monitor again. 

You set up a new project file and start mixing together a little song for him. Something calm, light... gentle... just like him. You opened up one of the recordings you just made, using the piano recordings you looped it and made a peaceful melody... just for him.

When you finished messing around and playing random parts of the track you just moved the cursor to the start of the song and played it back for him.

John stared at the screen with starry eyes, He looked back at you before it was finished playing and told you, "I love it, Dave."

You give him a gentle smile, “see... your music is beautiful.”

The two of you stared at each other as the rest of the song played behind you. John broke his gaze, he returned his focus onto the monitor. "You're so skilled with stuff like this... you said you played other instruments at lunch, right?" He looked back at you.

"Yeah, man." You answer him. "I've got like a shit ton of midi fighters and records and shit in my room."

"Oh..." John sounded a bit impressed with you. He stood up, you followed his lead, you pull yourself off of the floor. You were trying to figure out why he just suddenly got up, when all of a sudden it hits you... God, you are so slow when it comes to this stuff... he took that as an invitation to see your room.

_'Shit.'_

You show him into your room. You flip on the light switch. You quickly scan the room for anything John related. Your sagging mattress was up against the wall, covered in several messed up sheets. Your computer desk was on the other side. Your katana was on the other wall, right over your turntables. There was some scattered ball of paper on your floor, some wrappers, other varieties of plastic trash. Nothing to bad... Only thing that's dangerous is your laptop, you can't let John see your screensaver is a photo of him smiling... and if your lucky he won’t notice that you saved the cup that he filled for you st the movies...

You invite John to sit at your computer chair, another hand-me-down from your bro, John happily sits down and waits on you to drag out a midi fighter. Once you bring it up to him you move your laptop and rest the instrument on your desk for him to fiddle around with. He lightly presses on one of the buttons. He beams once he sees the black rows of buttons flash a soft blue light. The light is gently grazing over his tan face. You can feel your heart stop again as he delicately presses each button, tapping away at your launchpad's round buttons and listening to each POP and sampled sound. He giggles when he hears the lyrics from a biggie song, "super nintendo sega genesis."

John stopped playing around with your midi fighter to ask you, "can you play something for me?"

How could you refuse a direct request from John, especially after seeing that he just giggle like that. You walked behind John and asked for him to slide over to the side. John was sitting down at your right as you started working your fingers over the pad. Pressing the buttons and creating a background beat by holding down your index finger over one of the buttons. You make another melody, just for him. He's getting a lot out of you today, you can't help but smile. John bursts out laughing when he hears a random, "mom's spaghetti." 

_'Oh God. He does love memes.'_

Your fingers slip. Suddenly your hands got all sweaty again. He's so out of your league and he doesn't even feel confident in himself. You stop playing and start laughing off your mistakes instead, show John it’s okay to mess up. John is still cracking up at the line he heard. 

"Ha! Ahahaha!-" He snorted.

John gasped and slapped his hands over his face. 

You smile at him, you can feel the skin around your nose pull up into a wrinkle. 

"Oh my god." You say the words as if you just now realized it, "you are adorable." 

You press the button that made him laugh again.

At the sound of "mom's spaghetti," he lost it again. John makes a sour face and shoves you as he keeps laughing. 

"Hey, why don't I get my piano again?” John asked you. “See if we can't making something together. I know a few songs... we can um... re-mix them?" John gets up and head out before you could even respond.

You get up and find another one of your midi fighter, one with plain square buttons. When you turn it on all of the white buttons light up an array of neon colors, blue, pink, green, yellow, purple and red. You smile at John as he walks back in, he seems surprised that you have a new launch pad in front of you. 

You wait on John to sit back down, place the keyboard on the desk in front of him and start playing something, you add in a drum beat and a few miscellaneous sounds. John plays a melody that sounds like a it's from some kind of classical piece, it's not a song you've ever heard before. He asks you, "hope you don't mind if I rift here." You smile at him. He's writing something on the spot as he's playing music... music for you. 

You listen to the melody and slowly remove each of the beats that you put on till there was none. Listening to him press down on the keys and quickly tap away. Making up something soft but energetic for you... just you... 

Out of the blue, you hear the front door open._ 'Shit.'_ Your bros home. 

"Uh- I have to go talk to him real quick." You leave John alone in your desk chair.

You see him sitting down at the kitchen counter, he’s already using his laptop to check something on his email. "What did I tell you about locking the door?" He instantly gets right to scolding you with out breaking his gaze away from his monitor, "and fix the desk." He means the chair in the living room. 

"I know." You quickly change the topic- “are you staying?” 

He turns away from his laptop and looks at you, “is that boy in your room?”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” You might have laid that on a bit thick.

"Okay." He turned back to his laptop, "just use a condom.”

“BRO!"

"Hey, Dave." Oh No. John just walked out of your door. "I'm gonna head out soon."

Your older brother gets up from the kitchen stool and looks over at John as he walks over to the loveseat to grab his bag. Your eyes widen under your shades. John is sweetly, innocently holding onto his bag's strap.

"Oh! Hello." John walks up to your brother. "I'm John... Dave's...uh- friend from school!" John wore a bright grin as he outstretched a hand. Your bro took it. John's eyes widened as your bro shook his hand, "wow. You -Uh- have a firm grip."

Dirk nodded, he let go of John's hand without a word. You didn't expect him to speak, then out of the blue, "Did Dave tell you anything about me?" Your bro asked John.

"Well..." John probed his mind as he put a finger up to his chin, "he said you make websites and that you code programs in your downtime."

John dropped his finger and shrugged. "He didn't tell me much."

John grabbed onto his leather bag’s strap again as he smiled and searched his mind for something, "Dave and Rose told me you like five guys."

"Any amount 's good." 

Once again, you can hear the scream of your dying soul pounding in your skull.

Dirk might not have had any emotion in his voice but John still brushed it off like it was an ill timed joke. John squinted his eyes at your bro as he tilts his head, like he's... trying to recall where he's seen him... "Have we met before?" John asks him.

"No." Dirk sounded a bit amused as he slightly lifted up his head and shook it. 

Your bro kept looking down at John. You were clenching your teeth. Praying for something... something... probably death. No. You were just fucking wishing that you'd wake up from this fucking endless nightmare.

John asked your bro, "how did you get started with coding?" From what Rose told you John actually had a on-again-off-again interest in programming. 

You pinch the bridge of your nose. Whatever he’s going to say is going to be fucked.

“I was homeless for years actually.” Dirk told him. “That was ‘till I started making money on the streets. Then I invested it into getting my own place and a PC.”

“Oh... well... that's cool." John smiled at him. "What did you do to make money then?”

_'Damn it!'_ Curse how sweet and curious he is!

“Odd jobs.” Your bro replied. You're hoping he won't say anything too fucked. “Eventually I got on my feet, and then Dave’s dad died so I took him in.”

“Oh.” John looked at you. You didn’t tell him that much about your family, you don’t remember them that well. Your mom died when you were really young, your dad got into a car wreck after... Almost your whole life you’ve been with your ‘mom’s runaway son.’

Your half-brother continued, “I started making a lot of money from my freelance work and then I just kept investing it, it just kept snowballing from there.”

John tilted his head slightly as he spoke, “Rose told me that you have another job.”

“She did, did she?” Dirk smiled at John. When he fucking smiles, **at all**, you know he's fixing to say something fucked. 

“Do you?” John asks him. His hands are still clasped around his bag's strap.

"Yep." That's all he says to reply to that.

"What?" John tilts his head further to the side as he looks up at your bro, "what is it?"

“See,” Dirk hardly replies to John's question. “That’s something that Dave has to tell you himself.”

John started slowly moving back away from him and then he leaned forward to whisper to him, “it’s not anything illegal, is it?”

“Not in America.” He answers with a smile.

“Bro!” You glare at him through your shades. “Honestly.”

You address John again, "John, it's not that big a deal."

"Then... why is it that both him and Rose told me to ask **you**, specifically, about it?" John directs the question back at you again. 

"I- I don't know." You skirted around saying it but still... you can't lie to him, "because it's... awkward..."

"I won't judge either of you for anything awkward." John looks up at the ceiling.

_‘ohgodheisperfect.’_

John shakes his head slightly as he says, "It's cool, Dave."

You can feel your bros eyes on you, you look up at him. His lips are pursed together but he's still smiling at you and lifting up his brows, the bastard. He nods at you and you direct your attention back at John, who was staring right at you with those adorable glistening eyes. Damn it, you’d do _anything_ for John... that includes telling him anything he wanted to know...

"He's an..." you try to find the words to tell him, "adult film actor... for... gay movies..."

John’s jaw slowly dropped and then he looked over at your brother.

“Oh.” He forced a smile. “So you’re a- okay.” John nodded slowly several times. He accidently sucked on the roof of his mouth, making a 'tsk' sound. He whispered, "okay."

John took a few moments to collect his thoughts. You waited, in agony, for him to say anything else.

"Well I have to head out soon, sir." John took his focus off of your brother as he lightly slapped his forehead. "I forgot my keyboard in your room, Dave."

John left the room to head into yours.

You narrowed your eyes. You didn't look at your brother but he still felt the fucking need to speak,

"He recognized me."

You kept narrowing your gaze at nothing.

He continued, "you do realize that?"

“I. am. going. to. kill-"

He interrupted you, “how much porn does that kid watch? I can’t believe he recognize me. I don’t even think I’m that popular anymore on pornhub.”

“You. And. Then. Myself.”

"It's not a big deal man." Dirk's acting like this isn't the big fucked up deal that he knows it is. "He's just as hormonal as **you** are."

"I think now is a good time to shut up." You quietly tell him.

"Jesus." He sounds like he's still having a grand old fuckin' time. "okay."

The two of you stood in silence, waiting a few agonizingly long seconds for John to get back. It's killing you to think about any of what just fuckin went down. 

"I think I remember where I recognized you now!" John sounded a bit cheerful as he came back into the room to ask your brother, "we you ever a judge at a robotics tournament!?"

"Oh." Your brother sounded a slight bit impressed with him. 

John hoisted up his keyboard in his hands with his knee. "I used to be on a robotics team in middle school, we went on a field trip to see like the world championship when I was here in the city!"

"Oh yeah..." Your bro casually tells John, "I used to fuck with that shit a while ago."

"Cool!" John sounded a slight bit irked by how casual your guardian cursed. "Welp. I'll be out of your hair now." John turned around and head for the door. You chased after him, making sure to open up the front door for him. 

"Thank you." John smiled at you. "Goodbye, sir!" He called out to your older brother.

He looked back at you as you held open the door for him. "Goodbye... Dave..."

"_' _night man." You smiled at him.

John smiled sheepishly back.

You feel so relieved that John is still pure.

John waves at you as he hoisted up his keyboard up with his knee again. After John walked out you shut the door behind him. Your brother was standing right in front of you a few feet away. You rolled your eyes and let out a deep sigh from your lungs. He's about to fuck with you again. 

"That's the kid you like?" He sounds so monotone, you can't hear any emotion in his voice when just a moment ago he seemed amused. Suddenly... he nodded. "Okay."

You made a bit of a sour face, your bro approved of John... that's great... sure but now...

"You fucked him just now?"

"BRO! **NO!**"

"What? He was in your room." He sounds like _he's_ annoyed with _you_. “Listen, when I was your age I was sucking dick at the back of the Denny’s parking lot.”

“Shu’up. Stop talking. Not right now.” You keep telling him different phrases to get him to stop- he just keeps going.

“He’s your age, you know that right?”

“nope.” You ignore him.

“I used to chew guys like that up and spit them out when I was younger then you, I can tea-”

“hahaha, that’s so funny. No.” You aren’t listening anymore.

“Dave, you couldn’t have picked an easier-”

“Okay! Really! Stop!” You raise your voice at him. “I get this enough from Rose as it is! I don’t need it from you!”

“Fine.” He finally fucking agreed to stop. “If you aren’t sleeping with him, or planning on it, then why are you out all the time?”

“His dad makes dinner for all of our friends every night! **Okay!?**”

You can’t see his eyes but you can feel something deep in his silence.

He interrupts his own silence to tell you, “really, every night?”

**“Yeah.”** You lifted up your hands and gave him a melodramatic shrug. 

Dirk limply lifted up his hand and pointed towards the door, “then you should probably offer your mini husband a ride back to his place.”

“BRO!” Just for fucking once you wish that he wouldn't poke fun at you over everything.

_'Offering my **mini husband** a ride back to his place?! He says that after he asks if you just...UGH!!! This motherfucker is such an asshole!'_

Your bro must have noticed that you're too angry to respond. You notice that you've been clenching your teeth as well as clenching your fists.

He turns back around in his computer chair to face his monitor. “fine, then let him walk home.”

You pause for a moment.

You open your mouth to take a breath.

Gaping your mouth open for a few lingering moments before you breathe out the word, “shit.”

You check your pocket to make sure you still have your keys and run out the door.


	13. Confessions

You're looking down at the floor of Dave's car. Plastic straws and empty bags of trash beneath your feet. You scratch the back of your head. You adjust your glasses as you turn your head to look at Dave, “thanks for driving me... and... uh- I’m sorry... it just slipped my mind...” 

“Yeah, I was distracted…” He must mean that his bro was home, Rose told you he never really sees him that often. You look back down at your hands, resting on your lap. You look down at your knee, were Dave held onto you earlier. He stopped your heart completely... you haven't felt it beat since. Dave spoke up again, "I'm sorry, about all of that, John..." 

The car pulled to a stop, you must be at a red light.

“That’s okay.” You confess to Dave. “I’m just thankful you chased after me." 

You forgot your bike at school. Dave was kind enough to drive you back to get it and fit it in his back seat. You rubbed one of your hands over the back of your other one as you speak,

“Thank you, Dave. You’re always so kind to me... I think that’s why I fell in love with you.”

You slowly turn your head and just as slowly bring your head up to look up at him. 

His expression is completely blank, his mouth parts open like he wants to speak. He looks like he’s a bit... shocked... or surprised? You can’t tell. Either way you need a way out of this fucking nightmare.

You narrow your eyes and lift up two finger guns, “haha got you!”

“You were... joking?" He asks you, his mouth is still parted open. "That sounded... really honest for a moment... I really thought that you were confessing... that's a shame because... I'm deeply, madly in love with you, John."

Your eyes widen, you keep staring into his shades. Waiting on him to say something, anything else.

Your lips part open.

You tilt your head.

You took a breath. 

Dave points up a finger at you. "Got you."

“I thought I was the king of pranks!" You laugh. "Whooo! It sounded like you were serious there for a moment!”

“Oh. I was,” Dave jokes. “I can't stop thinking about you! All day I’ve been thinking about how you checked me out in the morning.”

”Yes!” You clap your hands together and point at him, “or that our hands touched at lunch!”

”Oh God, I can’t believe I touched your knee earlier! I’ve been beating myself up for so much shit today.” He pretends to confess to you, “you bumped your head before lunch and it broke my heart because** I** did that to you.”

“Ha! Dave! It's fine.” You laugh, feeling sweat dripping down your forehead, under your bangs.

"Well, still touching your knee has honestly been ripping apart my soul, man." Dave tells you.

“That’s nothing! I can’t stop fantasizing about being with you and that’s why my grades are getting worse! -and you keep encouraging me to do better and it makes me even more crazy about you!”

“I know what you mean! I didn’t think I could get any crazier about you but- You playing music for me just now-” He laughs as he starts driving again. Alternating his gaze from the road to you, “-it’s like you completely own my fucking heart now.”

“Ha!” You start laughing so hard you’re almost crying. “I’d give you **_my heart and my soul_**_!_ Checkmate, bitch.” 

“God you are so fucking out of my league. Why am I even talking to you!?” Dave laughs. “You’re to good for me!”

You start cracking up. 

“You are so funny, John! You’re like- perfect.” Dave laughs, focusing on the road now more than you. “I kept telling you how amazing you are and I can’t believe it... it’s- it's like you don’t even see it.”

“God! I am so in love with you, Dave!”

“That’s no where close to how much I love you, I’m fucking positive on that.” He smiles at the road as he speaks, “I slept with your keyboard in my arms last night.”

You shove him lightly with your hand, ”you creep!” You laugh and leave your hand on Dave's shoulder to pat it twice as you tell him, “It's okay! I have a photo of you under my pillow that I kiss every night and when I get up in the morning!”

“Shit, you are out doing me here!” Dave laughs. “I kept the soda cup you filled for me!”

“No way!” You beam at him. “Me too!”

You drove up to your place, Dave parallel parked into the parking spot as he told you, “I’m so in love with you, John. When you jumped into my arms I was so terrified but now I just want to hold you again.”

You wait for him to park and then wrap your arms around him, “all you have to do is ask!” After a few seconds of hugging the love of your life, you pull away from him and point your thumb up at your town house. “Think you can help me with my bike and then we can fool around upstairs?” 

"I wish my heart could even handle the idea of that.” Dave shook his head. “I always push that thought out of my mind."

"Good.” You nod at him. “I'm not that easy despite what Rose would have you believe." 

“I don’t think I can even be in your room anyway, man.” He tells you, “feels like I’m going to have a heart attack from just being in your house.”

“I feel you, when I went into your apartment I thought your home was straight out of one of my fantasies about you." You confess, "and while I was in your room I actually thought about making a move on you! It was the perfect time!”

“You’re not that easy though.” Dave reminds you.

“Still.” You laugh, “I can pretend!” You can really feel how clammy your palms are right now, “you told me I was adorable and it hit me so hard, Dave you’re really seductive, you know that?” You joke, "and not just in my fantasies." 

“Oh man,” Dave starts up again, “I think about making out with you like every single day. I just zone out and picture you fluttering your eyelashes at me and covering your smile and I just move your hand to kiss your lips. I can’t get over how good you look, John!”

“Yeah ha!” You point at him. “I used to try to guess what color your eyes were and when I saw they were red I fell harder for you! -and I have a picture of you as my wallpaper!”

“On your phone or laptop?”

“Both!”

“Same!” 

The two of you laugh, at least you pretend to. You feel like you’re about to bash your skull in.

“Well that’s enough kidding around!” You open up the passenger's side door. “I have to get my bike out!”

“Let me help you.” Dave offers.

“It’s okay, you still have to move the girls bags to the trunk.” Your dad raised you to never leave a bag in the car seat. “You take care of that! I’m good on my own, _my love._”

“If you say so, babe.”

_‘mmmmmhhhhhHHHHH!’_

You hurry out of the car and take out your bike as fast as possible and wrap your chain around it. Once it was locked you grabbed your keyboard from the back seat and ran inside. You quickly close the door without thinking, maybe you should have waited on Dave but that was all too much for you.

Your dad walked out from the kitchen when he heard the door open, he seemed happy to see that you're back.

“Hi son, is everyone coming for dinner?”

“I don’t know... it’s just... Dave outside...”

“Oh well, that’s fine...”

You sniffled.

“Is everything okay, son?”

“I had a really... hard day.” You started sniffling. “I need to... take a shower...” you choke back a cry. “Don’t tell Dave I’m upset! I’m just-“ you start sobbing to your hands. You have to leave. You have to go upstairs.

You don’t think you can stand seeing Dave right now. 


	14. patience and stoicism

“Where’s John?”

When you walked through the door the first thing you see is Mr. Egbert, staring up at the staircase.

“He said he’s sorry but he needs to take a quick shower and get changed." John's dad answered. "He might be a few.”

“Oh, okay... I guess I can... um... help you in the meantime... if you want...” 

“Oh no. Dave. I’m fine." John's dad rejected your offer. "Don’t you have homework you need to do?”

“I normally do it during class so I’m finished.”

“Really, don’t you need to pay attention to the lesson?” He raises a brow at you.

“I usually do both, sir.” You try your best to stay polite to Mr. Egbert. You look up the staircase for any hint of John. Something his dad noticed.

"Say, Dave?" Mr. Egbert is gearing up to ask you a question. "John told me that he went over to your place with his other friends? Where are the girls?"

"Oh." You focus your gaze back on the man standing in front of you. "Rose had a violin lesson and Jade's grandpa is in town." 

"Ah well, that's good. For Jade I mean." John's dad started walking back into the kitchen. 

You follow him and then sit down at the the table in your usual spot.

You take your phone out of your back pocket and start texting your closest friend.

* * *

rose

rose?

i could use your help

i mean i dont think theres anyone else i can ask

jades just going to start cracking up 

that and my bro already gave me unwarranted shit advice

instead of just leaving me alone he told me that when he was my age he was suckin dick at the back of the dennys parking lot

I truly wish I could give you advice myself right now, however, I'm currently suckin dick at the back of the dennys parking lot.

fuck you

Each time you tell me more about my mother's best friend it drives me further and further down a spiral of madness.

you deserve it at this point

I'm sure you'll be pleased with my current... predicament.

if youre not sucking dick i dont want to hear it

My apologies then, you are about to be let down.

Severally let down...

what is it then?

All things shall be revealed in time, Strider.

well fuck

still have time to talk?

Does it have anything to do with John?

of fucking course it does

I can make time.

fuck i dont even know how the whole thing started

he just told me that he thought i was like

kind

then he told me he was in love with me

fucking stunned me

paralyzed me

it sounded so real

then he told me it was just a joke

so i started laughing along with him

telling him how much i love him

he kept telling me all of these jokes

he was laughing so hard he got me to laugh like a jackass tool but

i cant help it

i kind of feel like shit right now

john just kept faking that he was in love with me

and it was so fuckin funny to him

he was practically crying

rose

you there?

Yes.

I am right here.

just

give me honest advice on what to do

Have you considered being honest with him?

give me real advice

Alright. I have something that even you could work with, Strider.

fuckin thank you

You are upset that John laughed at the very idea of being with you?

yes

You seem as if you are convinced that John is out of your league.

Have you paid any thought to the idea that John thinks you are out of his league?

thought you were going to give me real advice

He seems to think rather highly of you.

you really think thats why he was laughing like that?

I am attempting to say that it is a possibility.

well

it aint likely

To me, it seems that John is interested in being closer to you.

At the very least, he's extending his hand out in friendship.

He joked with you because he likes your company, much like he jokes with Jade and I.

yeah and my heart cant take much more of this shit

Fine. Tell me the gist of what he said to you then.

uh

told me that his desktop and his phone wallpaper were pictures of me

that one hit me hard

Because... great minds think alike?

because

half his jokes sounded like shit i do

Clearly, examples are required.

we both kept the soda cup from the theater 

or maybe he just joked about that

well he said a lot of things

something about fantasizing about pulling a move on me

like make-out with me while he was in my room

Amazing.

Well. I think you should go to John and confess to him that everything you said was true.

cant do that

Knew it.

god rose

its not because im like a pussy or anything

okay?

i just felt the need to get like everything off my chest

i mean everything

i told him some embarrassing shit

Please, pray tell your confession.

I pray it's was as bad as you are hyping it up to be.

i dont need you laughing at me right now

Strider. Please. This conversation from this point forward will be straightforward. I will give you my honest advice, as per your request.

i told him that i slept with his keyboard in my arms last night

Good lord.

see i knew youd give me shit

I assure you that I am handling this... rather ignoble... confession of yours with much more grace than anyone else you could confide in.

my bro would just tell me all the ways i fucked up

Yes. He'd find it rather ignominious... and my mother would make noises, so high in frequency that only dogs may hear her screams.

shit

didnt even think about talking to her

dont talk with her either ok

I wouldn't dream of it. I don't need the headache.

And thank you for not messaging her either.

you were the first person i thought of

Such loyalty shall be rewarded.

Egbert is only impressed with kindness, in fact that is why he is riveted with you.

Continue to be kind and helpful, to not just him... but to others as well.

He will certainly be impressed with that.

what about right now?

Wait...

Where is Egbert?

the shower

My... a lesser man would jest, in this moment, that it is a prime opportune time to confess how you feel... but I am not a lesser man. I am a lofty peeress.

Still I can not resist the temptation.

Go in there and go hard as a motherfucker.

he told me he isnt that easy already

I can see why you worship the ground he walks... 

Well... when he comes back, remind yourself that you are his friend.

He does care for you. It's never his intention to make you feel horrible.

The advice I gave you days prior to the conversation still stands, you have good intuition, Dave.

John's dad started putting down plates. You guess dinner's nearly ready. You prep to put away your phone, no way in hell you're going to ever seem rude to John's dad. 

i have to go

Dinner with your future husband and your father-in-law awaits.

* * *

You pocket your phone and offer to help Mr. Egbert with setting the table or getting drinks. He tells you to stay seated, but he appreciates your offer.

You could hear John coming down the stairs. He's dressed in jeans that are a little baggy on him. His shirt is adorably baggy too. His hair is damp, it looks slightly flatter but it is still lightly swirling around his head. Looks like that could kill, actually you think right now... he is killing you.

You follow John with your eyes as he sits down besides you in his usual spot. He glances at you and gives you a brief nervous smile. You didn't realize that you were smiling when you saw him walk in. John started looking back at his empty plate... you just noticed that his eyes look pretty red. You lean in towards him to get a better look, tilting your head and asking him, "are you alright, John?"

“Oh- I- Uh..." John looked back at you, "I just got shampoo in my eyes.” 

“Did you flush out your eyes?” Mr. Egbert asks his son.

“Yes.” John looks back down at his plate.

“Do they still hurt?" You don't hesitate to ask. "Do you need me to get you a cup of water to rinse your eyes?”

“No no," John looks back at you and waves his hands. "It’s okay.”

“Okay.” You give him a slight nod, "but if you need some help, don't be afraid to ask."

"Thanks." John sighs and looks back at his plate, "that's really nice of you to offer."

You smile at him.

He lightly smiles back at you, then...

Mr. Egbert got up from the table. 

"I forgot I needed to look into something, I have to go upstairs for a moment."

"Oh..." John looked back down at his plate, "alright dad..."

The two of you were left alone together, yet again.

You scratch the back of your neck and look up at the ceiling. You try to think of something to say. Something to tell him. Maybe you can just say something simple... you drop your arm from your neck and turn to face John besides you.

"I really appreciate that you and your dad always cook for us... even if Rose and Jade aren't here."

"Yeah..." John nods. Still looking at his plate. "I'm happy about that too."

John looks so down... it's making you a bit worried.

"John? Are you okay?"

"Hu?" He lifted his head and looked at you. "Oh... it's just, I'm worried about my grades again... you know how it is."

"Do you think you need more help studying?"

"Uh no... my uh... I think I'll be fine on my own..." He nods at you and smile. John looks back down at his plate. He still seems worried.

"Good... for a moment I was worried that I said something wrong to you or something..."

"Oh no. no." John starts shaking his head. "Why- why would you think that?"

"Oh... uh... well..." You don't know how to tell him that you've been hurting a bit yourself over the jokes you made in the car... you just keep trying to find a reason for why... why... 

Just then... the doorbell rings.


	15. Never Alone

Dave was so kind to worry over your eyes. He was kind to worry over you in general... after collecting yourself in the shower you aren't sure if this is what you needed or if this is hurting you more. All you know is that he's twisting up your heart, it's the Dave Strider special.

You didn't mean to lie to him. You don't want to lie to him. But he noticed that you're a bit upset. It's better to make him think you're still worried about your grades but... you've honestly been improving. It's hard not to just be up front and admit that you love him. Get the weight off your chest. If he rejects you though it would break your heart so you aren't in the clear with your grades just yet...

You keep waiting for him to speak again or wait for your dad to come back from down the stairs, then...

The doorbell chimed.

You stood up and got the door. You didn't hear Dave get out of his seat to follow you.

You slightly opened up the front door and immediately see your blonde friend standing outside your door! 

“Rose," you felt relieved to see her. "You made it just in time for dinner!”

“Hello!!!” You hear a cheerful woman’s voice you’ve never heard before. She sounds bright and cheerful and- she just leaned over to peak into your door, “you must be John!” She already knows you. She must be Rose's mom judging by how annoyed Rose looks right now. 

"Please, come inside." You open up the door all the way and invite them both inside and out of the dark.

Rose's mom seems happy with your offer, “now! Look at how sweet you are!” 

You notice that Ms. Lalonde is wearing pink heels, clicking against your wooden floor as she steps inside. She pushes back a strand of her strawberry blonde hair. She's wearing a tight blush pink pencil skirt and a bright white shirt. Her outfit is so clean and crisp it looks completely new. Like shes dressed for a date.

Out of the corner of your eye you see someone move into the foyer with you three.

Dave seemed surprised she was here. “Roxy?”

“Davey!!!” She ran up to him and gave him a squeeze. “Oh! I missed you so much!!”

“I- Ms. Lalonde." Dave sounded a tad bit astonished, even with his usual monotone voice, "what are you doing here?”

“I had to drop off my little Roseygirl." Ms. Lalonde had the biggest grin on her face, along with her face being full of makeup. When she spoke she slightly exaggerated every other word. "I just _thooouught_ I’d drop in and say _my hellos_ before I get back _to my work._”

Rose was simmering with rage as her mom continued speaking,

“I also wanted to meet _my new favorite nerd..._”

“Mother.” Rose murmured to her mom.

“oh!" Ms. Lalonde perked up and placed a hand in front of her face as she covered her smile. "These two little rascals told me everything about you! Oh, and you’re even _cuter_ in person!”

“Roxy!” “Mother!” Dave and Rose both expressed their frustration with her at the same time.

“I bet you could have your pick of the litter.” Ms. Lalonde swiped at your shirt with one of her fingers. 

“Well... no," You rub your arm as you sheepishly tell her, "I'm sorry to say, I don’t think anyone’s interested in being with me, miss.”

Rose's mom clasps her hands together and cheered. She turned around to speak with Dave and her daughter, “Oh _'miss!?'_ Heh heh heh! I love him!” She looked back at you, “never say never!” She wagged a finger. “Why, from what I heard, you sound like quite the little charmer, I’m sure that there’s a special little someone out there waiting for you to notice them” -she pouted- “proly cause they’re too shy to say anything.”

“Oh no, I’m sure-" You try to tell her something, but she immediately cut you off.

“Oh! I bet they’d bring you flowers, you like roses?!” She asked you.

“I’d love that-" As you answered she started squealing.

“Ohh! Heh heh heh." She giggles and lightly stomps her heels into the ground.

Your dad heard all of the commotion and walked back downstairs. As he was walking down Ms. Lalonde started speaking to him. "Ah! You must be Mr. Egbert!" Rose's mom seemed ecstatic to meet your father. She stepped forward towards the stairs and extended her hand. 

"And you must be Mrs. Lalonde." He took her hand and politely shook it.

"It's miss now." She tilted her head as she smiled brightly. Ms. Lalonde continued to hold onto his hand as she spoke, "I truly appreciate that you, and your son, are always cooking for my little sweet girl, seeing that I'm always busy with work and all."

“That or too drunk.” Rose mutters under her breath as she stands besides you.

"Well do you think you would be able to join us for dinner?" Your dad asks Ms. Lalonde.

"Oh that's very sweet of you to offer... but noooo... Not tonight." Rose's mom buckled her knees as she lightly laughed.

"Now that's a shame." Your dad told her. "Tonight is family game night, John and I always play board games and I'd love to invite you to join us."

"Oh **darn.** I go ham on candyland." Rose's mom jested. "Nooo I have plans I need to attend to. Thank you for the offer though."

"It's no problem at all, I'd like to compliment you on having such a wonderful daughter. She assisted my son with studying with his other friends and I greatly appreciate that."

“Ohhhh!" Ms. Lalonde placed her hand over her heart, "Rose is wonderful... _aaaand_ your son is just the sweetest! Daveybaby told me that he always helps out the teachers and he cleans up after gym class and Dave always has to jump up to grab his tray for him after lunch so he doesn’t have to get up. **_Oh! Davey just loooves him!"_** Your heart jumps up a bit at her words. You let out a dry laugh as she continues speaking, "my little babyboy told me he almost always gets the door for him and he drives him to your house everyday!" She sucks on the roof of her mouth with her tongue, masking a _'tsk'_ sound. "But- oh you already know how good Dave is!” Rose's mom brightly smiles at your dad.

“Yes." You dad nods. "I’m well aware.”

"god i'm in a nightmare." 

You turn your head to look at Dave after he just spoke. He's rubbing his temples with both of his hands. He mutters under his breath to Rose,  "please end my pain."

"M-" Rose looked from Dave over to her mom, Rose kept her attention focused on Dave. "Mother, don't you have to be returning to work soon?"

"Oh! Rose, you know, I can make a little time for you and all of your little friends!" Rose's mom turned to face her daughter completely.

"Now." Ms. Lalonde leaned forward towards her daughter and placed her hands on her knees, "where's Jade?"

"She's with her grandpa." You tell Ms. Lalonde yourself.

"Shame I couldn't meet her, but still that's wonderful." Ms. Lalonde turned back to your dad, "now Dave, right?"

You hear a faint, tiny  "jesus." Coming from Dave's direction. 

“-His brother is always calling me," Rose's mom continues, "asking me to talk to my daughter about _schoool _and if _he's making freeeeinds." _She swats a hand in the air, "Rose told me that Dave is just _the beeest_ at sports, he gets that from his older brother. When we were kids, he could just jump over a fence like it was a speed bump!"

"Wow." Rose mutters under her breath. She leans in to whisper to you, "she means when they were twenty." She moves away from you. Then she moves back to whisper, "I hope."

“Now." Ms. Lalonde sounds slightly stern when she continues, "Dirk is a real tough cookie, he seems a little distant and kind of cold. He’s like Dave, but scary." You have no idea why Ms. Lalonde is telling your dad this, "He's overprotective of his little bro, if he's spending a lot of time over here he's going to want to meet you."

_'oooh... She thinks Dave's brother is going to want to meet with your dad... if she seems so cheerful about it... why does she seem like she's warning him?'_

Rose's mom continues, "now. He already told me that he likes you. He likes that you give Dave and Rose dinner every night -and, oh I love that too. But anyway- Dirk right, my point is. He’s intimidating and, like I said, he’s really over protective of Dave so Dirk letting Dave over your house is a big big big deal! I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you! I have to thank you! Maybe I could take you out sometime for drinks when my schedule lightens up?”

“Perhaps, Ms. Lalonde." Your dad nods. "We'll have to see if my schedule lightens up as well.”

“Oh! Now I_ really like you,_ you hard working family man!” She lightly pushes his chest.

Rose's mom is smiling as your dad speaks with her. Nodding at every other word he says and occasionally she gives him a light laugh at anything that sounds overly friendly.

Rose starts muttering. “My mother is a trollop I have wrought this upon myself. This is divine justice for my sins against you, Egbert. All of my actions towards you has manifested itself into a pure and true evil, unstable and innate. Still... it is the natural law of this universe...”

**“What?”** You ask. _'What the fuck?'_

“Is there a Mrs. Egbert?” Ms. Lalonde asks your dad with a sly smile.

Your eyes widen.

“We need to get her to leave.” You mutter to Rose.

Rose doesn't move her head to speak to you. “agreed.” 

“Now.” You don't move your head either.

You see in the corner of your eye, Rose just nodded her head.

"On it." Dave tells you. He grabs her attention with a, “Ms. Lalonde?”

“Yes, Daveybaby?” She looks back at him, sweetly listening to what he has to say.

“Is it cool if I put Rose's bag into your car?” Dave asks. The perfect distraction. Genius.

“Oh! Rosey you forgot your bag! Oh well aren’t you lucky Dave is always so thoughtful _when he isn’t daydreaming._" She chuckled. "It’s a good time to take my leave but before I do- Rose come here and give your mommy a kissy!”

“Mother.” Rose narrowed her eyes at her mom.

Rose's mom wraps her arms around her. She caressed her in a great big bear hug, when she was content she pushed up Rose's bangs and kissed her daughter's forehead. Ms. Lalonde pulled away from her hug. She tilted her head as she looked at Rose's face. Rose looked completely, and utterly miserable. 

“Oh I get it." Rose's mom sounded slightly amused with her daughter's expression, "you're embarrassed. _I have the cure.” _Ms. Lalonde seems excited about something. She bit her lip and stepped towards you. “Come here, sweetie!” She was directing her words at you.

“Alright-_**oft!**_"

Ms. Lalonde wrapped you into a tight hug and kissed your cheek several distinct times. “Awwww! You’re so adorable!” She pinched your cheek, it stung a bit but she was just so happy to do it, you couldn't get mad. You just laughed. She kissed you again on your cheek. She pulled away from you and extended both arms over to Dave as she spread the love around. 

“Come here, mini-Strider.” She wrapped her arms around Dave by his side and planted a huge kiss on his cheek. She held onto him and swayed him back and forth. "I missed you."

Dave placed his hand over one of her arms. "It's good to see you too." Dave patted her arm and encouraged her to move outside. With him.

As Ms. Lalonde said her goodbyes you felt a gentle warmth come over your heart again, Dave is so good to the people closest to him...

If he feels that confident joking around with you... maybe he considers you to be close to him too...

You smile at the door as you walk back to the dinner table.

You take your seat across from Rose and by your dad.

The three of you are waiting for Dave to get back.

Your dad began asking Rose questions, "is your mom usually this busy?" 

Rose began speaking, "oh yes. Quite often in fact, some days I hardly see her at all."

Rose sighed. 

Your dad lowered his brows. 

Rose spoke up again, "I'm not completely on my own... Dave's brother is rarely home and since we both grew up together I visit his home and he visits mine... some days it's nice to just have his company even if we don't speak. Just sit on the couch and read while he scrolls on his phone..."

"I'm glad the two of you have each other..." You tell her. You look over at your dad.

"Yes..." Your dad nods at you and then tells Rose. "I am as well..."

Rose just got a message on her phone. She took out her cell from her jacket pocket and looked at it.

"It's Dave." She take a few moments to respond to him.

"hmm." She hums softly.

Rose tells the table, "I told Dave what we're talking about... he says it's not a big deal. We're on our own all the time..."

You glanced down at the table. 

Your dad is out a lot for work but you still see him every morning and every night and you both always find time to talk. Some days you find it kind of annoying because you could use the time you take to have coffee or play board games to study but maybe... maybe **this...** this right here... is more important. 

When Dave came back he was covered in pink lipstick marks. You lightly laugh, covering your mouth and smiling as Dave takes his seat besides you.

You glance over at Rose ahead of you. She had two marks one on the side of her face mostly covered by her short hair and one slightly peeking under her bangs. You’re starting to think she cuts her hair that way for a reason.

You turn your head towards Dave and ask, “do I have smooch marks on my face?” You point to where Ms. Lalonde kissed you.

“Yep.” Dave nodded. “I’m covered in them... aren’t I...?”

“Yep.” You nod.

The four of you begin to eat dinner together. Jade hasn't messaged any of you so she's probably busy spending the day with her grandpa. You don't want to bother her if she's spending the day with him. Her focus should stay on him, you can always see her tomorrow. You take a bite of your baked potato and smile up at your dad as you thank him for cooking tonight. Rose and Dave simultaneously follow your lead. 

"Thank you for dinner, Mr. Egbert." "Thanks, sir."

Your dad nodded and cut into his cheese filled pork chop.

"Dave," your dad was asking for Dave's attention. "John told me you run a few websites?"

"Yeah. I do, sir." Dave was very polite to your dad. Something about that is super cute to you.

Your dad nods and asks Dave, "do you make any money from doing that?" 

"Dad!" You instantly call him out, "that's really rude to ask at the table."

"I just want to know if you’re surrounding yourself with people with... ambitions, son." Your dad is speaking with you as he gestures his hand over in Dave's direction. "It seems to me that you’re the closest to Dave here from what you told me." 

_'He has the nerve to say that in front of Dave.' _You glare at your own father. 

He can see the death in your eyes.

"I know you're close to Rose and Jade." Your dad defends himself, "just you finally have a close friend whose a... boy. It's a... different type of friendship." 

You keep staring at him. He needs to stop speaking.

"Well..." Rose chimed in. "The two of them do a lot together now. So I see what you mean." Rose is trying to save your dad. She's doing you both a solid right now. 

"Yeah..." you sounded a bit tense as you stare at the blonde girl ahead of you. "That's only cause you and Jade cancel so often now."

"We are quite busy." Rose answered. "I with my _recently_ ill cat and Jade with her dog."

"We have mountains of school work." Rose continues to list things, "We do our own shopping-"

"Don't you both get everything shipped to your houses?" You ask Rose.

"Most things, not all." Rose answers. "We are very apologetic about the fact we have been canceling on you so often of late, but we do make time to come by every night. I love eating dinner with you all!"

"And we love having you." John's dad smiles at her. "The three of you are welcome to stay as long as you like. Jade included."

You smile at your dad. You're happy he suggested that... if any of them feels alone you'd rather they stay over at your place... even if that means being alone with Dave... you think you can handle that... he has a gentle heart and something as beautiful as that should be taken care of... protected...

You turn your head and look at Dave, you smile at him. 

If he ever feels alone, he'll have you.


	16. another night another dream

You walked out the front, holding the door open for Roxy.

She started chatting as you walked,

"He's just the cutest thing, isn't he?"

You popped open your trunk and grabbed Rose's shit out of your car.

"Ohhh! I didn't even think about what he would sound like!"

You carried all of it into Ms. Lalonde's bright pink ferrari trunk.

"I can see why you're so taken by him. _He's such a little cutie pootie baby._"

You crammed in Roses bag and her violin into the trunk as Roxy watched you. 

“You _knooow_. You _saaaaw._ I put in a few good words with your future dad-in-law, cutie! And it is so so so fuckin’ good to see _yooou!_” Ms. Lalonde hugged you.

You patted her back. “It’s good to see you… sober.”

“Oh! I won’t be for long. Your brothers gonna come over and have a little get together with me, just like the old days!”

“Pot or are you doing molly?” You ask her.

“_Weeell..._ I’m going to drink but we got our hands on some _Kit Kat! Yaaaeeeey!"_ Roxy cheered and then solutes you. "Tell Rose mommy will see her in the next twenty four hours!” She laughed and adjusted her footing, her heels stomping in the ground.

“Will do.” You nod.

“Oh damn, hold up… didn’t she say something about…" She started to lightly pound a fist into her forehead, "about... about… oh!" Her fist opens up into a violently cheerful open palm. Roxy points at you and tells you, "Rosey told me she wanted to spend the night with you! So I really will see her in the next twenty four hours." Roxy smiled. "ha!”

“You have her stuff in your car, right?” You ask her.

“Yeppers! It’s this bag here!” She dug it out and dropped it into your arms. 

“I’ll text her that I have it.” You nod at Roxy and watch as she closes her trunk.

“Okay!” She grabbed you by the shoulders and kisses you all over your face. Your nose. Your forehead. Your chin. Your cheeks. She'd kiss your eyelids if they weren't protected by shades. She pulled away and stepped back. 

"Come here. Come here." She waved you to the front of her car. After Roxy opened up her passenger door she pulled something out of her glove box. She hid it behind her back.

"I know. I knoooow." Roxy put up one hand to make her point as she stared up into the sky. "That you hate when your brother does this but as a guardian I can NOT abide with you not packing heat." She points at you.

"Oh God... Roxy-" You roll your eyes under your shades.

She brings her hand thats behind her to her front. Lifting up two fingers to show you a bright pink condom. 

"Does it have to be pink?" You almost shutter as you sigh out the words.

"Davey..." She tilts her head. "Look at who you're asking."

She leans in and hands you the condom. You pocket it immediately. 

She's still leaning towards you as she whispers, "keep it secret. keep it safe."

Roxy backs off and smiles.

You start walking away from her. Planning to ditch the condom in the pile of all the other ones your brother forced into your hand. 

“Bye bye baby!" She waved you off as the two of you began to part ways. "Good luck on your boy troubles!”

“Okay. Alright. Peace." You waved her off and take out your phone to text Rose before you go in. "Bye Roxy.” 

“Bye Davey.” Roxy hopped into her car and drove off once you got to John's door step.

Before you stepped into the door you texted Rose. 

* * *

got your bag

Wonderful.

Thus begins our next dance.

what the fuck are you talking about

My mother is busy with work. Your brother is out and oh my… both of our homes are always empty… I am already discussing this with John’s father at this moment. 

god damn it

i dont need this shit right now

We have to go home to empty houses.

your house isnt empty

But think about how sad the truth is,

Our respective thirty year old guardians are doing drugs together in my father's old manor.

Awwwww.

fuckin

damn

shit

ok youre right

but its not a big deal

were on our own all the time

Oh. Good line.

I just told him you messaged me that.

fuck me

cut that shit out

Jade and I were already working on a plan just like this, Strider.

this that shit you were talking about earlier?

You're going to have to be specific. There's a lot of "shit we talk."

when i was at the movies?

No. The original plan was to abandoned you with John and his father during dinner.

This shall be far worse.

cut this shit out

You fool.

There is little you can do to stop this now.

The wheel already spins.

Now come inside. We're waiting on you.

* * *

You came in and sat down besides John. John's dad asked you a question about if you make any income from your sites. John seemed to think it was a rude question for some reason. You are listening in as John speaks with the rest of the table. Silently being what Roxy calls you 'a little wallflower.' John seems a bit skeptical with an excuse that Rose gave him for why she's always busy. After that, Rose apologized for the fact she always cancels, along with Jade.

"And we love having you." John's dad smiled at her. "The three of you are welcome to stay as long as you like. Jade included."

John looks over to you and smiles. 

His warm smile feels so inviting... like he wants you to stay...

"You.. you mean tonight as well?" Rose asks. 

"Of course. Spend the night if you like." John's dad gave her a nice bright smile. "It's not a school night so I don't see why not."

John's eyes widened a bit. He turned his head to look back at his dad. 

John's dad told the table, "I can set something up in the living room if you two want to stay."

"Now... I don't want to impose." Rose placed a hand on her chest. 

"Oh." Mr. Egbert gave Rose a soft, caring smile, "it's no problem at all."

Rose looks over to you. "Well... I do have a bag of things in your car..."

Rose tilts her head slightly as she looks directly at you, "it's up to you."

"Uh..." You feel a bit nervous about spending the night in John's house. "I don't... really have anything... but uh... I guess it's cool."

Mr. Egbert spoke up again. "John can give you some spare pajamas to wear."

Your eyes widen completely. You felt lucky that you were wearing your shades because John's dad was staring right at you. Then he directed his gaze to John. "after dinner why don't we have some of that cake you baked?"

God dammit.

Spending the night in John's home...

Wearing his pajamas...

Eating a cake that he baked himself...

John already looked like he wanted you to stay with him...

You can't feel your heart.

John slowly turns his head to look back at you. He gives you a brief glance before looking down at nothing.

His lips are parted open and his damp hair is starting to lightly fluff up. 

He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a gentle push. 

You found your heart. John has it.

John glanced back down at his plate. Staring down at his half-eaten baked potato.

You see that the corner of his mouth slightly lifts up. He's lightly, nervously smiling...

How are you going to survive the night... when looks like that can kill?

* * *

The table finished up eating a caramel cake John, himself, baked. During dessert, you wanted to prove to him that he's amazing at baking so you asked for seconds despite being completely stuffed. You'd pull through if it meant that John was happy. And he was. He gave you a bright smile at your request and cut you a slice himself. John kept looking over at you as he helped his dad clear the table. Of course they both refused your offer to help. John set up a board game for you all to play together. 

You were waiting on Rose to finish her turn in clue. In between turns, John's dad would set up the couches in the living room across the first floor. He was probably fixing the seats up with sheets and pillows for you and Rose to sleep on.

John ended up winning the game. You felt so happy when he announced he was certain that he won. Rose was the one to check if he did, in fact, win. She seemed pleased with the fact he cheered for himself. She chuckled as she congratulated him. You couldn't contain your grin. John pumped his fists in the air once. He looked over to see you grinning at him. John cleared his throat. He put down his fist and told you, "good game." 

After all of that John went upstairs to bring you a change of clothes. You went outside to grab Roses bag for her from your trunk. You went into the living room and found Rose resting on one of the sofas. The living room was a narrow space but it still had two separate couches. Rose sat down on the smaller one, seeing that you're very tall you're thankful she just took the smaller one off the bat. You handed her her black duffel bag and she smiled slyly at you. She didn't say anything as she took the bag into her hands. Just stared at you with that smug look on her face.

"What?" You come out and ask her.

"Spending the night in John's home... wearing his clothes..." She pretends to swoon, "that smell just like him." She lightly laughs at your struggling. 

"I'm glad you think this is funny." You say the words with contempt.

"Oh. I do because it is." Rose nods. "Now I have to get changed."

"You sure you aren't just going to slip out the window and ditch me again?"

"Oh... I should shouldn't I?" Rose sounded completely sarcastic. She shook her head and widened her eyes at you. "Maybe I actually like staying with the Egberts?"

She took a breath through her nose. Then she smiled. "Maybe I'm a little selfish..."

Your lips twitched. You accidentally gave her the smallest, slightest smile. Of course she saw it. She always sees everything.

"I won't leave you." Rose spoke, with her head still tilted and her hands still clasped around the stands of her bag. "I want both of us to be closer to the two of them..."

"Well I guess that is your right." You sit down on the couch. Already prepared to wait for John to bring you down a set of his pajamas. 

Rose smiled lightly at you one final time before she walked off to get changed into probably one of her long black nightgowns. 

You tapped at your phone and scrolled through one of your feeds as you waited on the 'love of your life. '

When he finally came in he handed you a perfectly folded stack of Navy blue pajama bottoms and a baggy gray shirt. He was wearing something pretty similar. Boys got a taste.

You thanked him as you took it. "Thanks man."

"My dad told me that you can use one of our spare toothbrushes upstairs if you need one. You can get changed up there too." John's face was turning a bit red. He must be a bit nervous at the idea of having a sleepover.

John took you upstairs and showed you to the bathroom. John ducked down under the sink and found a packed of brushes. He picked out a red one for you to use. It's not really a big surprise to you that he knew your favorite color. Still... the fact he hand picked it out for you melts your heart.

John invited you to use his shower if you needed it. "I just thought it would... um.. be polite to offer."

You told him, "i'm fine. But that's for asking."

"Oh. Okay." John sheepishly smiled.

"Bye, Dave." He left you alone to get changed and ready for bed.

After he shut the door you thought you were going to need to steady yourself. Grab onto your chest and hold onto the bathroom counter top... no...

You just turned your head.

You stared into the mirror.

You glanced down at the sink. Right next to it you saw a pair of toothbrushes.

_'Ha. Even his toothbrush is blue...'_

* * *

Took a few moments for you to recuperate from how John being color coordinated stunned you. He's just so cute. You need like paramedics on standby. Maybe Jade and Rose can start carrying around a defibrillator to use on your heart for when John kills it.

After you finished up getting dressed, in the clothes John handed to you himself, you grabbed the pile of your clothes and walked back downstairs. You found John sitting on the couch you were planning to sleep on. He was talking to Rose, looks like she removed her makeup. Of course Rose was wearing her favorite long black nightgown. She must have anticipated that she was actually going to sleep at your house because it hardly covered her chest. She was covering herself up with a blanket instead. 

John joked with her, "do you need me to bring you one of my shirts to cover up?"

"Don't act like you've never seen me dressed in this Egbert." She joked back.

"I'm just asking because my dad is probably going to make us all breakfast in the morning."

**"Shit."** Rose looked down at the floor. "Well I can wear this sheet."

"Problem solved." John nodded.

You sat down besides John, he turned his head to look at you. "Oh... Hi.."

Suddenly his demeanor dropped back to shy. You like that he gets a bit flustered around you but still... you want him to talk to you like a friend. 

"Hey man." You casually lean back against the couch and turn to him. "what's up?"

"Uh... nothing much really... just um... told Rose that we probably finished up the song..."

"What?" You tilted your head.

"For the contest... um... remember?" John sheepishly rubbed his arm and looked down at the couch. 

"Oh yeah." You readjusted yourself to sit up. "Slipped my mind. Must be tired."

"Right uh... we should all go to bed." John got up.

"Aww..." Rose joked. "I was hoping that we could talk about boys and have a pillow fight."

"Oh" John nodded. "I can slap a bitch with a pillow."

"I'm happy to hear that." Rose nodded and grabbed the pillow beneath her. "Here." She tossed it at John. "You can use _this_ to hit Dave." 

You narrow your eyes behind your shades.

Rose had no emotion in her voice when she jested, "afterwards we can have a makeover."

You laugh. "Shit... I already got the full Egbert makeover." You gesture to your wardrobe 

Rose opened her mouth to say a single, "hot."

John nervously laughed and he held onto Rose's pillow. "We could... um... watch a movie."

"Yes." Rose nodded. "Oh. or play spin the bottle."

You roll your eyes underneath your shades. You change the topic. "Why don't we play someshit or dare?"

"Truth." John corrects you. He tosses the pillow he's holding back at Rose. She catches it and smiles.

"Ohhh." Rose takes that as an answer. She shimmies her pillow in her hands._ "Is their a boy you like at school?" _

John takes your pillow from your side and hits her with a pillow. She starts fighting back with her own. The two of them smacking eachother as Rose laughs. She's brightly grinning after she nails a direct blow to John's head. His glasses fell down to the floor but he still lands a hit of his own at her chest. He stops to pick back up his glasses.

He chuckles, _"okay. That's enough."_

Rose smiles, "yes. That's enough of a peep show for Dave." She covers her mouth as she laughs. 

John grabbed his pillow and dropped it into your hands, "you can beat her if you want."

You smiled up at him. 

"Good night." John smiled at you. 

"night." You tell him.

"Pleasant dreams." Rose waved him off. She instantly laid on the bed to sleep.

You watched John as he nearly trips on your clothes. He stared down at the pile for a brief moment and then started walking again. Damn. Should you have put your clothes somewhere else... was he judging you for being messy. You scratched the back of your head.

Once John got out of the room, Rose spoke up again. "I won't judge you if you sniff the shirt all night, tonight’s your night." She waved you off as she turned around on the couch. "Indulge." 

"Ha ha..." You look off to the side as you pretend to laugh.

You take off your shades and lay down on the couch.

You cover yourself in the sheets. 

You look around the room. It's a pretty average living room. It's actually clean and doesn't smell like old burgers or spilt soda. You grab onto the fabric of your shirt and bring John's shirt up to your nose. It has a unique scent. You can't put your finger on it. It smells sweet but not in a sugary way... more like in the sense of the word... like... a comforting scent... like... love.

You close your eyes and drift to sleep.

_"Psst. Dave..." You heard someone's sweet, delicate voice whisper to you. "Psst."_

_"hmm?" You sit up. No shades on your face. You open your eyes to see John's ocean blue eyes staring deep into your uncovered red ones. "John?" He was kneeling down right besides you. _

_You turned your head and looked to the side. Rose was fast asleep on the other couch._

_You turn your head back to John and ask him, "something up, man?" _

_"Yeah... um..." He sounded nervous, more than he usually does. "I uh... I..."_

_"Dude. Whatever's up. I won't judge." You tried to comfort him._

_John stiffened up a bit. _

_"Um..." He shifted a bit as he kneeled down on his legs. "I... had a nightmare."_

_"Yeah, man." You feel your chest twinge up a bit. You don't like the idea of John getting **so shaken **by something that he has to come and tell you about it... but you can't help but feel a little bit of pride that he choose to talk to you about it._

_"It was..." John looks off to the side."You um... told me that you didn't... You uh..." John scratched the back of his neck. "It was just... you know... all the stuff you said in the car... about joking... that you... like me and it... I just..." He took a deep breath and collected his thoughts. "I guess I just feel like you were laughing at the idea that you'd want to hang out me... I had a dream that you uh... thought I was a... loser.”_

_"John. Man. I don't think that." You tell him._

_He looks away from you. He looks like he's on the verge of tears. "Just you... you... you joked about me being perfect and... that was so funny to you because I... I know I'm a major fuck up."_

_"John." You get down on the floor besides him. "That wasn't a joke."_

_"But..." John is still looking down at the ground. He looks up at you. "You were laughing so much..."_

_"Because I know that it's... it's a fucking joke that I would ever be good enough for someone like you."_

_John covered his mouth and gasped at your words._

_"You're so kind. And... perfect... you’re to good for me...” you feel your heart aching. _

_John held onto your sides. "I... Oh Dave... I just wanted a friend..."_

_You feel your heart sink. He only wants... a... a friend..._

_"but... seeing that you feel that way..." John continues. "I..." He nuzzles his head into your neck. "I'd like to get closer to you Dave..."_

_You're heart is pounding. Floating up to your throat. _

_John can feel it. He starts giggling at your fast heartbeat and your clammy hands._

_His laugh is so contagious. You can't help it. You start chuckling too._

_You laugh to yourself until you notice _you're laughing to yourself. 

You blink. John's shirt is still up against your nose. You've been smelling it all night.

You sit up on the couch and turn your head. Rose is still asleep but light is starting to peak out of the windows. You lay back down. You don't want to get up until John's already out. 

You turn towards the couch. 

You grab back onto John's shirt.

You continue to smell it for a while.

Taking in a soft, soothing scent while you can. 

You don't know if you'll be able to smell something special like this again.

Maybe... it's about time you started really working towards** honestly** getting closer towards him. 


	17. Always You

You are about to head downstairs, carrying your folded shirt and pajama bottoms for Dave in your arms. Before you take a step your dad grabs your attention before you even take a step. You turn towards him as he speaks, "John if Dave needs a toothbrush don't be afraid to give him one."

"Sure thing, Dad." You were about to turn back to the staircase but your father speaks up again,

"John. Let me know if the two of them need anything alright?" 

"Of course." You smile at him. You can tell he's a bit worried about the two of them. "I think it's nice that you care so much about them, Dad."

"Well I don't want them to feel like they are alone in the world." He smiles at you as he sighs out of his nose.

"I know dad... and they aren't... They are just... on their own alot..."

“John, is Jade on her own a lot too?” Your dad asks you. 

“She doesn’t really like having 'servants'...” you’re honest with him. “She’s used to handling herself.”

Your dad seems a bit bothered by that. “Poor girl, having that much money can’t really get you the things you need.”

“Yeah... but she has a dog with her. She had him since she moved into town.”

Your dad smiled. “Really, now I’m glad to hear that.” You guess he's worried if she's lonely.

“Yeah, she had him for like three years now.” You smile at him.

He frowned again, “she takes care of a dog on her own... from that age?” He knows she must have been thirteen.

“I know- feels a bit strange, doesn’t it...?” You admit.

“She’s a strong girl to be on her own like that.” Your dad tells you.

“Yeah..." You nod, "makes me really appreciate that even when you’re busy with work... we still always find a way to eat a meal together...”

“I’m happy that we have your other friends over." Your dad confessed. "They seem like they are all by their lonesome. It can be hard at that age."

“Aw well-" You try to cheer him up a bit. "Rose's mom seems really nice and... well I met Dave's older brother too...”

“You did? What’s he like?” Your dad seems like he really wants to know. 

You opened your eyes wide and shook your head slightly. “He’s like intimidating... like Rose's mom said... but then not? But always like... really... he’s just intense I think.”

“What?” He sounds confused.

“He’s got this deep voice and he sounds like... really intimidating. And he’s like tall. Taller than you. He made a few jokes but his voice is so... like... unchanging.. everything sounds more like a threat.”

“Did he threaten you?” Your dad asks.

“No! No! He was clearly kidding around... He seems kind of intimidating because he’s so... like... to the point and monotone- I’m not doing a good job at explaining this.”

Your dad asks you. “What did Dave say about him?”

“He didn’t tell me much- just that he’s his half-brother. Actually I recognized him from this robotics tournament I went to once. Apparently he dabbles in a lot of different things.”

“Really now?” Your dad sounds content with that.

“Yeah. He seemed happy that I recognized him, actually!”

“Hm. Well I guess he likes that you share his interest since your after Dave.”

“What are you talking about?” You feel your heart sink. 

“He probably picked up that you... are _pursuing_ Dave.”

“What!? What makes you think that?!” Your palms are starting to sweat.

“Son, I think that even if I didn’t find that photo I would have thought you liked him. You look dazed when your around him.”

“I- Augh! God...." You slap your face with one of your clammy palms. You remove your hand and ask your dad quietly, "you think... he’ll tell Dave...?”

“I don’t think you should worry yourself about that, son.” Your dad tells you with a sincere smile on his face. He mumbles, "if he didn't threaten you."

"How can you be so sure."

"He probably had the chance to tell Dave you like him already."

"Oh great." You mubble. 

"I mean that if he was going to tell him, he would have already." Your dad pats your back.

"You don't have anything to worry about." 

“Let’s hope so....” You carry your change of PJ's for Dave to wear with you as you head downstairs. 

Dave was waiting for you on the couch. You showed him upstairs and offered him to use your shower. Thankfully he didn't take it as an opportunity to ask if you wanted to join him or some joke that will only serve to put you into cardiac arrest. You showed yourself out and head back downstairs. You wanted to chat with Rose about the shit she just pulled on you... still you can't get mad... at either of them. Even though they don't show it. Being alone must be hard. Even if they're together.

You always can make them a nice warm meal and you'd happily bake cakes for Dave for the rest of his life if he asked you.

You walk in and greet Rose. "Sup, Rose?"

"Hello, Egbert." She nods. Rose was holding onto a blanket to cover up her arms.

She gestures with a single, graceful palm for you to sit on Dave's makeshift bed.

You sigh as you take your seat. You pursue your lips and blow out a raspberry.

"It's not like Strider's going to be sleeping in your bed. Just your couch." She shook her head at you as she leaned a bit forward. She suddenly gave you a smirk. "maybe though... we should have another one of these little sleepovers and invite Jade next time. Oh no there are only two couches... hmm. I bet Dave would be keen on sharing sheets with you."

She kept smiling even after you scoffed at her.

"Did you two finish up the song?" Rose asked you.

"Hu?" You tilted your head. "Oh... oh!" You slap your forehead. "I completely forgot about that... after... well Dave and I played music together... in his room."

Rose's eyes widened as she tilted her head down. "Really now!?" 

"Yeah... I met his 'bro' too."

"Oh." Rose sounded a bit amused or amused... you aren't sure. "I assume that he made some sort of inappropriate sexual joke in front of your person."

"Uhh... yeah..." You were trying to forget that. "Also I asked him about his job and I kind of made Dave tell me that... uh... you know what his job is."

"Oh my." Rose looked off to the side. Raising her brows. "You had quite the day then. No wonder things slipped your mind.”

"I have so many mixed emotions. I don't even know how I feel right now. Am I happy? Am I tormented?" You shrugged. "I don't know!?"

She chuckled. "Thank you for letting us both spend the night."

Rose's brows dropped a bit as she smiled at you, "we both like it here."

"It's no problem, Rose." You smiled at her. Your eyes dropped down as you blankly stared at nothing.

"Oh?" Rose sounded slightly amused with something. She covered up her chest. 

"Sorry. I was zoning out." You confess. "Was I.. staring at your-"

"Just like always, Egbert." She put on a fake angry tone. "Always checking out unsuspecting classmates." She laughed as she said, "Although... I understand that it's not easy to resist Dave's fine ass."

"Okay." You nod. "Fine is an understatement." 

You joked with her if she needed a shirt to cover up. She seemed content with just wearing a sheet.

Once you noticed that Dave was behind you, you started sweating. 

Dave put his clothes down on the floor and started chatting with you two. Rose kept poking you about if you liked any boys in school. You were annoyed at her bullshit but you let her off the hook for now.

When you walked away from the two of them you accidentally nudged Dave's clothes. You looked down at the pile. You see something bright in hue slip from out of the back of his pants. It's a bright, pink... condom. You take a moment to gaze at it. 

Dave has a condom in his back pocket. Just... there. At the ready...

You leave the room. 

You trudge up the stairs.

You drag yourself into bed.

Taking off your glasses.

You just blankly stare at the white blur above you.

You try your best not to think.

Not to think of anything at all.

Just shut your eyes and drift to sleep.

* * *

_You heard something outside of your room. You sat up in bed and rubbed your eyes as you grabbed your glasses. You hopped out from under the sheets and got up to see all the commotion._

_“Sorry I woke you, man.” Dave was rummaging through your bathroom sink. “I was just looking for some mouthwash.”_

_“Hu?” You guess that makes sense, it’s basically morning by now. You shrug and open the medicine cabinet on the wall where you keep a bottle of spearmint mouthwash. You hand it to him._

_“Thanks man.” Dave takes it from you. “Oh hey… I just wanted to apologize…”_

_“For what?” You tilt your head. _

_“All of those jokes, man…” Dave turned his head away from you and scratched the back of his neck. “I uh… I shouldn’t have made so many.”_

_“Oh no… Dave it’s alright.” You look of to the side. _

_“It’s just you looked so nervous during dinner.” Dave confessed. "If I would have known that you didn't like those jokes I wouldn't have made them... I don't really know a lot of people my age and uh... Well you don't have to laugh at my jokes if you don't like them... Don't worry about making me feel comfortable. I'd rather you be upfront and honest with me."_

_"Oh.." You nod at him as you gaze down at the floor. "Okay." _

_You drag your eyes back up to him. "But uh... I did 'like' those jokes."_

_"Yeah?" He smiles as he asks. "You did."_

_"Yeah!" You brightly grin. "I mean... maybe there's a bit of... you know truth to those words..."_

_"Oh yeah. I mean I honestly do think you're cool, man." Dave tells you. _

_"You do?" You ask him. _

_He nods. "Yeah, and you're pretty funny." _

_You chuckle as you tell Dave, "I like your sense of humor too. You're a funny guy."_

_"You think so?" He asks you._

_"Yeah."_

_“The shit we said in the car was pretty funny wasn’t it?” Dave smiles at you. _

_“Ha." You feel your heart sink a bit. _

_"Yeah it was.” _ _You smile back at him to spare his feelings._

_“Right!?” Dave laughs. “I can’t see the two of us getting together.” _

_Your heart sinks at his words._

_“You… Can’t?” You helplessly ask, “why…?”_

_“You’re just so nervous all the time. Like a skittish woodland creature or something, along with those buck teeth of yours, ha. And I don’t know… I like guys who are more- You know.” He pulled up both of his fists. “I guess I like jocks. I mean did you see that fucking guy who passed me that basketball awhile a go. ‘member, You were there. Fuckin’ hot right?”_

_You feel your chest sink. “Ye-yeah... I guess… I like… athletic guys too.” You confess._

_“Yeah. My boyfriend’s always getting on my case for checking out other guys.”_

_Your eyes widen. _

_“Hey do me a favor and don’t tell my bro about that. He doesn’t know I’m dating like a college guy and he'd fuckin' chew me out for that shit.”_

_You blankly stare at nothing. _

_You feel your heart twist. _

_You nod at him. _

_You keep staring at... nothing._

_Absolutely nothing._

_“Well.” Dave says the words with a twinge of something malicious in his voice. “I’m going to head out real quick. Just got a booty call. You must know how that shit is. Since you're like...” He laughs. "Perfect. You probably get hit up all the time.” He joked._

_Your eyes stay focused on the tile floor. _

_You see in the corner of your eyes someone else come in. _

_“Oh. Fuck, Rose.” Dave addressed her. “We wake you?”_

_“No. Just you.” Rose is leaning in towards Dave. “And your God Awful ringtone.”_

_“My boyfriend Fuckin’ called.” You see in the corner of his eyes, Dave raising his arms as he shrugs, “kay?“_

_“Oh. Damn it, Strider.” Rose slapped his arm. “I told you not to tell him about that.”_

_“Fuck. Shit.” Dave was rubbing his arm where she smacked him. “Why?”_

_She muttered to him under her breath. “Jade and I were having our fun with him.”_

_“The fuck?” Dave whispered back._

_“I’m going back to bed.” You walk past them. Not caring if you bump into either of them. Before you even get back into bed you hear a knocking on your door. Wait- _you… you’re already in bed. That was all just a… nightmare…

Right. A nightmare.

"John." You hear your dad's voice from behind the door. "I made breakfast. Brush your teeth before I wake up Dave and Rose alright."

"Okay... Dad." You call back to him.

You put on your glasses and sigh. 

You do just as your dad told you and brushed your teeth in the bathroom.

Once you opened the door you saw Dave waiting in the hall.

"Oh... Morning." You tell him.

"Morning." He nods at you. Dave steps to the side to give you space to walk out. You smile at him as you walk past. Your smile sinks once you walk by him. Just like your heart is sinking. You go downstairs and head to the kitchen. Your dad made you all scrambled eggs, toast with jam and butter on the side along with sausages. He finished plating the table. Each plate had a short stack of pancakes. You sighed as you sat down.

"What's wrong, son?" Your dad sounded a bit concerned.

"Nothing." You blankly said.

When Rose and Dave came in they thanked your dad for the food.

"Yes. And thank you for your hospitality." Rose gestured to her plate. "This is lovely.

"You feeling alright, John?"

"No." You sigh. You clear your throat. You didn't mean to voice how you really felt so you just build up a convenient lie. "I woke up with a headache."

"I can grab you something." Dave stood up. "Where do you guys keep the ziplock bags? I'll make you an ice pack." He insisted.

"No no." You wave your hands. Shit. After that nightmare... You forgot how kind and sweet Dave is all the time. "I'm just going to grab some Ibuprofen."

"Where is it?" Dave instantly asks. "I can grab it for you."

Your dad tells him it's upstairs behind the mirror. Dave left the room before you could stop him. You frown and sigh. 

"Boy problems?" Your dad asked.

"Dad!" You call him out. Rose is at the table and Dave just left the room. "Don't do this right now."

"Oh. Son." Your dad sounds like he's comforting you. "Whatever you are worried about... don't be. You're fine."

"Ugh!" You sink your face into your palms. Hunching over the table.

"John." Rose grabbed your attention. 

You sigh and straighten your back. You looked back at her.

"You're definitely fine." She tells you like she's absolutely certain.

Yeah... You can't say in front of your dad you just saw a condom come out of Dave's pants the other night... for a number of reasons. 

When Dave comes back he sits down besides you and opens the cap off the bottle himself. He pours out the capsules into his hand and gives you two long blue pills. He smiles as he hands them both to you. You smile back at him. When he's looking at you like that you can't feel ache in your heart. You can't feel pain... Although you know you should...

You continue eating with the three of them and help your dad clean up after. Dave keeps trying to help out in the kitchen. If you and your dad weren't so strong willed you would crack. Rose invited you into the living room to hang out with her while she instructed Dave to get changed in the bathroom.

"Actually..." Dave spoke up. "I want to talk with John."

"Oh?" Rose nodded. "Alright." She walked off without another word.

You sat down with Dave on the sofa he slept on.

Dave told you, "I just wanted to say it's really cool that you let us spend the night here."

You nodded. You suppose this is a better time than ever to ask him a few things you have on your mind...

You want to know if Dave’s ever dated anyone… or is dating anyone.

You don’t know if you should ask Rose that…

You trust her but… after that dream you had you don’t feel like you can really place your trust in… anything right now.

“Dave… Hey. Um..." You take a deep breath and gear up to ask him. "I don’t know that much about you so how about I ask you a few questions.”

“Yeah, man?”

“Uh…” You shouldn’t lead with the question you want to ask. “I don’t really have any friends outside of school, do you?”

“No.” He tells you.

You feel a bit happy at that. _‘He’s like a cool loner.’_

Dave shakes his head. “Not really.”

_‘not… really?’_

“Oh. Well.” You sound a bit squeakier than you would have hoped saying that. You clear your throat. “You know I’ve never uh… I’ve never dated anyone before. Have you?” You tilted your head.

“N-no.” He seems a bit stunned at your question.

“Ah.” You practically sing the syllable. You feel content with that.

Still... "Um... this might be kind of weird but... uh... I saw a... you know... condom... slip out of your pants pocket. I just thought that you must be like... you know?" You shrug as you confess that you thought that he was, "seeing someone." 

"Oh." Dave started rubbing underneath his eyes. "You saw that?"

You know that he couldn't see you. Still you nod. "Yes."

"Everytime I see Roxy she hands me a condom." Dave is still rubbing his eyes with one hand. He drops his hand and looks back at you as he sighs. "Every time it's always pink."

You laugh a bit at that.

Dave starts laughing too.

"Ah... well... I guess she has your best interest in mind then..." You tilt your head.

"She's always looking out for me, even when I don't... want her too."

"It's better than having nothing." You gesture to his clothes on the floor. 

Dave knows you're referring to the condom. "Yeah well... I don't have a reason to have it really."

You feel so relieved... you don't mind cracking a sly joke. "You have me, don't you?"

Dave starts laughing hard at your joke. He looks like he's splitting a seam. You didn't even see him laugh like this back in the car. He pat your back. "Oh God! John. You are too much sometimes!" He sounds completely choked up by that.

You lowered your eyes at the floor. He laughed so hard he's sweating. His face is completely red. Just the thought of that is killing him... 

When he calmed down from his laughing fit he sighed and shook his head.

"JO-" His voice just cracked. You lightly laugh a bit at that. Pretending that you're still in a good mood. Dave cleared his throat and deepened his voice. "John. Do you have my number yet?"

"I don't think so..." You admit. "I guess we always just talk through Rose and Jade."

"Yeah... hey... Um..." He opened up his contacts and handed you his phone. "Let's trade."

* * *

The thought of getting Dave's number should fill you with joy.

It should... the entire morning you were distracted with thoughts about Dave laughing at being with you... 

Dave handed you back your pajamas right after he got changed in the bathroom.

He thanked you and asked if you were feeling better. 

You forgot you lied and said you woke up with a headache.

He told you to drink water and maybe have some coffee. 

Dave wanted you to text him later when you felt better.

You smiled and laughed lightly at that. A single dry laugh. 

You brought the clothes he borrowed for the night into your room.

On instinct you brought the shirt up to your nose to smell if it smelt like him... it did.

You put the shirt under your pillow. You know you should wash it.

You know you should let this go... you don't know if you can.

Everytime you're sure that you should move on Dave's kindness reals you back in.

* * *

After Dave and Rose left, you spent half the day walking around town with your dad. He wanted to get some shopping done with you and of course he wanted to spend his day off work with you. He bought a million different ingredients for baking cakes and cookies and crap like that. Margarine powder. Orange extract. Molasses. Brown sugar. Shortening. vanilla sticks. Almonds. Pecans. He was mindful of your peanut allergy.

You were mindlessly carrying the bags of food he bought back home as you walked home before sundown. You weren't much company today and you knew that. You tried your best to stay engaged with what your dad was saying but you kept zoning out thinking about your dream. The bitter taste in your mouth from that nightmare stuck with you all day. Once you got back home you helped unpack everything and helped with dinner.

While you were helping him out in the kitchen your dad joked about you and Dave getting together. You didn't find the joke funny. Mostly because you knew that was a just a joke. You and Dave getting together... is just a hilarious joke... to everyone but you.

Rose texted you while you were stirring some noodles. Apparently her mom was hyped up on something, I believe she did a line. and that her mom wanted to go out for five guys with Dave and his older brother. Jade didn't text you back. You just spent dinner eating alone with your dad. 

He talked to you about work and told you he wanted to prep something special for tomorrow's dinner. You went straight off to bed. Laying down under the covers with your pajamas and phone. You held your own shirt, that Dave wore the other night, closely. You stared at a photo of his face as you took a slight sniffle. You felt your heart crumble a bit. 

You were completely pathetic. Smelling your own shirt that only slightly smells like some guy who laughs at the idea of being with you. 

You opened up an app and message Jade.

* * *

i had a weird freaking day yesterday.

i was afraid i was going to have to eat dinner with my dad and dave...

alone.

luckly rose showed up and ate dinner with us.

i don't know if i could have lasted talking to dave pretty much on my own.

my dad seems like he thinks the whole thing is like... funny.

i'm not sure how i feel about it but um... 

dave and rose spent the night over my place...

still... i can't get something out of my mind...

jade? you there?

well...

im just going text rose

i could really use your advice though jade, you always have the funniest thing to say and this days been rough.

i could use a pick me up right about now

oh great now im talking to myself

* * *

hey rose?

you there?

Present.

cool

can i vent to you about something real quick?

I suppose after the shame that I brought upon your household, I owe you at least that.

Carry on.

well...

it's just i had a rough day before you showed up at my place...

i didn't really say anything about it cause i didn't want dave to overhear but...

dave drove me home and he picked up my bike i forgot at school and i just blurted out that i was in love with him...

Then you played it off like a joke, as is your nature.

yeah... i'm that predictable i guess...

Now, how did Dave take the joke?

he started cracking up...

UGH!

i even told him that i sleep with a photo of him and i kiss it EVERY NIGHT and im just...

im so scared that he's going to figure out...

that none of what i told him was a joke...

Would that really be so awful?

are you kidding me?!

he thought it was such a FUNNY JOKE that i am in love with him that he leaned WAAAY to hard into the joke! 

it was like the idea of being in love with me is so laughable he made a joke about picturing kissing me

every.

single.

day.

then, when you were getting changed in the morning he started cracking up at the idea of..

AURGH!

...sleeping with me...

i think this thing is just going to get worse and worse, rose.

...And you are afraid that he's going to figure out that you like him...?

clearly!

if he gets closer and closer to me he's going to get closer and closer to figuring it out!!

Just then you got a message from Jade.

* * *

!!!!!!!!!!

YOU GUYS HAD A SLUMBER PARTY WITHOUT ME!?!?

john?

you there?

yeah...

i've been chatting with rose...

yeah...?

is that cheering you up?

i think i'm just tired...

um...

that or exhausted...

don't worry about me, jade.

i'm probably going to go to bed soon.

okay!!!

but just know

im always rooting for you john! :)

right back at cha.

oh my god

just like kirby

what?

nevermind

go to bed!!

can do.

* * *

You just got a message from Rose at the top of your phone asking you "Why do you not simply confess to Strider your feelings then?"

Ugh. You are not going to say anything about your dream to her.

She's just going to think that you're childish if you say anything about that.

You tap on your screen and start messaging her back.

* * *

just how do you expect me to say something like that to him?!

i’m pretty sure he doesn’t even like me... i mean like how i like him.

don’t make any jokes about this either i am actually hurting.

wait

what


	18. someones heart

just how do you expect me to say something like that to him?!

i’m pretty sure he doesn’t even like me... i mean like how i like him.

don’t make any jokes about this either i am actually hurting.

wait

what

oh...

dave.

hey.

i meant to send that too someone else…

just forget i even messaged you

yeah alright

* * *

You leave your phone in the palm of your hand. You keep blankly staring ahead at nothing as you lay in bed. You wait for your phone to buzz in your hand but it never does. Your mind is completely numb. Your entire body is completely numb. Your eyes well up with tears. You put in no effort in keeping it in anymore.

You pour out all of your sorrows into your pillow. Crying. Sobbing. Screaming into it.

He likes some other boy. He’s hurting over some other boy.

He’s probably texting Rose if he expected whoever he was messaging to poke fun of him. He could be talking to Jade too, and... they were leading you on. Did they know that John likes another boy? Did they find out recently like you did? Does it matter. Rose and Jade have just been leading you to the slaughter.

Your heart. It's desiccated, shriveled up in an instant.

The husked out, dried up remains of your heart are now completely pulverized.

Crushed into a fine powder.

You’re left only with ache.

With pain.

You can’t move.

The thought of John Egbert no longer sweetly kisses you to sleep.

Recalling the music of his voice no longer hums to you like a lullaby.

The fantasy of kissing his lips no longer tastes of fresh cherries and sugar covered blueberries, it is replaced with the bitter taste of old coffee grounds and rotten strawberries.

His heart. His perfect compassionate and caring heart, belongs to another.

You already knew that he was untouchable. A perfect flower, blooming on the highest cliff that you could never climb, despite your desperate struggles to. 

You and your hoary, pale skin. Your chalky white lashes. Your blood colored eyes. Your lanky limbs.

Everything about you…

Is undeserving of even his gaze.

His stunning, vibrate, perfect gaze.

The dancing twinkle of light in his eyes already belongs to someone else.

The boundless, endless love in his heart belong to another.

His breathtaking smile, his fluttering lashes, his caring voice, his adorable ebony hair.

All of the expressions he makes, that cute face he makes as he tilts his head when he’s confused.

That perfect way he covers his mouth when he laughs.

His caring voice, and the beautiful words he chooses to say.

The way he presses the bridge of his glasses up to his face.

All of it is tied to another... it's over... completely. 

He clinged onto you once for what felt like a lifetime. His embrace belongs to someone else, someone who probably worked hard to show John that he deserves his boundless heart.

You think to yourself for a split second that John could be rejected... You’re angry at yourself for thinking something so stupid. Anyone that John would choose would definitely give their heart, body and soul to him in an instant. He is so devastatingly perfect, he constantly leaves you speechless. 

You could hardly sleep. You’ve been up all night sobbing and drying your eyes. You fell asleep from your exhaustion. That was the only thing that stopped the tears from pouring.

When your alarm came on for school you moved your thumb and shut it off, not even bothering to move any inch of the rest of your body. 

Your entire soul has been chiseled out of your being, leaving you a hollow husk.

You rest in bed for several hours later. Not moving. Not caring. 

It's over.

Your bro opened the door and walked up to the end of your bed.

“Are you fucking going to school today, or did I waste my money on your tuition?”

You keep laying in bed. You couldn’t sleep. You still have a tissue in your hand from your last crying fit. Your brother ripped off the sheet covering you. You just kept staring blankly ahead.

“What?” He sounds more annoyed than sympathetic.

“John messaged me on accident...” there’s no emotion in your dry, tired voice. Untill... suddenly there is. You try not to cry as you tell your bro, “he likes some other boy.”

He let out a breath from his open mouth as he sighed. “What did the message say?”

You handed him your phone.

He took a few moments to read it. 

You see him in the corner of your eye. 

He isn't moving. Just looking down at your phone, long after he has already read it.

“It’s unfathomable just how hopeless you are.”

You say nothing. You just nod your head as it rests against your pillow.

You are hopeless. Completely hopeless.

“Have those other two friends of yours been helping you?”

You nod again.

“Wow. What a cruel joke.”

“…it is…”

“Okay." He sighed out of his nose, "I shouldn’t ruin whatever fun they get out of this. They probably hate school and fucking with you is what gets them out of bed in the morning.”

“...I bet.”

Your brother crouches down besides you.

He stares at you for a while.

A long while.

You move your eyes to stare back at him.

When your gaze meets his shades, he raises both of his brows and then lowers them.

“Next time he does something nice for you tell him, ‘that’s why I like you, you’re so compassionate.’" Your bro points to you, "see how he reacts to that.”

“I’m not going to bother him anymore. I’m going to go back to school once I can feel anything in my legs again.”

“Dave.” He didn’t sound condescending or annoyed or anything… he just said your name.

“Who do you think he was talking about?” He asks you, sounding so neutral it feels almost sympathetic. 

You don’t say anything.

“If you, Rose and the other one are his only friends then why didn’t he mean to message you?” He starts saying bullshit hypotheticals... there’s no way John likes you.... “Why would he tell ‘you’ to forget he messaged you? Why not ask for** your** advice too?”

You start lifting your head. You want to tell him to get out. Instead he interrupts you, 

“Good, you're up." He stands up again. "Now go the fuck to school.”

“I already missed half the day.” You anchor yourself up with one of your arms.

“Do I look like I fucking care?” He holds up your phone. "Go to school."

You sit up completely.

You shake your head. “I don’t think it’s about me.”

He doesn't care,

“Do as I tell you.”

He hands you back your phone,

“I’m going out.”

When you take it in your hand he pulls it slightly back,

“Don’t disappoint me.”

You didn’t argue. What would be the point anyway? Just do as your told... sleep walk through the day... 

You drag yourself out of bed and meekly put on your uniform. Luckily you already missed lunch. Your phone was filled with messages from your ‘so-called friends.’ Asking where you were. They probably just wanted a ride to John’s place for dinner. You told them you weren’t feeling good today. Still you drove over to school and made it to fifth period right as classes where changing. You recalled where you needed to head for fifth period...

_‘Shit. That’s gym.’_

You were the last one in the locker rooms. John must have already been dressed. You don’t feel up to seeing him today. Of course, when you left the locker rooms John spotted you. He rushed over to see you, he looks so relieved to see you...

John smiles a bright caring smile as he calls out to you, “Dave!”

He just keeps breaking your heart.

“Dave!" He stops running when he's a few feet ahead of you, he sounds almost devastated. "I was so worried!”

You turned your face away from him. You tried your best to keep it together. Thankfully your shades were hiding your wet, red, puffy eyes.

John kept trying to look at your face. He leaned in to get a better look at you. “When you weren’t at lunch and you weren’t responding… I felt-" He paused as he tried to get your attention, "Dave…?”

You sigh. There’s no point in doing anything at all. What’s the harm of saying words that are just going to mean nothing to him?

You keep staring at the horizon.

The great blue sky.

Bright and blue... 

“That’s why I like you, John. You’re so compassionate.”

You look back down at him.

Trying to gage his reaction.

His eyes widen.

His lips start to part open like he wants to say something.

He looks away from you for a second.

_'That figures.'_

He looks back up at you and gasps for air.

He shuts his mouth as he looks away again.

He covers his lips with one of his hands.

His face is starting to turn red?

His eyes are starting to water?

**You made him worried.**

He looks back up at you.

“Well, Dave. I’m glad tha-that… you um… that you’re feeling better. I’ve got to go meet with my own class… I… I’ll see you after school.”

Your eyes widen.

Your lips part open.

You can’t think of anything else to say other than your usual…

“Yeah.”

Class was another forty minutes time. You spent the entire time thinking of exactly what you were going to do. You didn’t worry about anything other then getting changed and sneaking out the back. Once the hard part was over you walked over to your car in the parking lot. You drove back home, blasting music and impatiently waited on each red light to change.

You got home. Brushed your teeth again, showered and got changed into the suit someone who always knows best told you to wear. You wore the brightest smile you possibly could too. You made sure to grab your wallet and your keys. On improv, you grabbed your hoodie too. You went out to buy the largest bouquet of roses you could find. When you found a shop you asked if they could mix it with some flowers that were as blue as your lover’s eyes. When you walked out of the shop you held up the bouquet of half velvety-soft red roses and half-vibrant blue roses in your arms and with each stomp of your foot it feels like a step closer to the love of your life. You happily rushed over to your car and laid down your bouquet in the trunk. You drove back to campus and made it in time to wait in the car loop to pick them all up. They should be out in ten. They’ll see your car if you stay parked here. You have faith everything will just work out.

While you wait, you put your hoodie on to cover your suit. John won’t suspect a thing. Just like always. You smile and cheerfully text them that you’ll drive them all today. You drum your hands on your wheel and your stick shift and happily shake your head to the tune of your music. You smile once you see the three of them walking all together to your car. Once John opens the door you smile at him, you just can’t help it, your heart always starts pounding when you see him. He just looks down at the floor of the car as he takes his usual seat next to you.

“Hi, John.” At the sound of your voice he smiled up at you, dragging his gaze up to meet your shades. He opened his mouth to speak but Rose cut him off. He just looked down at the floor again.

“Aren’t you gonna ask us how school was?” Rose jokes in a monotone voice as she takes her seat. “Did you wait long in the parking lot, dad?”

“Only about ten minutes.” You answer honestly as you turn back to look at her. “Hey, Rose.”

"Hey." She met your smile with a small one of her own.

You look over at Jade sitting behind you, “Sup?”

“Oh nothing!” She giggled. "You look like you had a good day."

"eh-" You shrug. "I'm looking forward to going to John's place."

_“We’re all in.”_ Rose joked again with a fake girly voice, _“just drive, dad.”_

You backed out and made your way out of the loop and onto the streets. A Biggie smalls song started playing on the radio. You began moving back and forth in your seat as you worked your shift stick. You started whistling along with the beat and then rapping along. Jade starts cracking up. Rose couldn't help but laugh. You looked over at John and saw him smiling as you continued rapping, "straight up honey, really I'm askin' most of these fellas think they be mackin', but they be actin'" You continued rapping as you looked at the road and swayed back and forth to the music. "Who they attractin' with that line, 'What's your name, what's your sign?'" You look back at John and continue, "soon as he buy that wine I just creep up from behind, and ask you what your interests are-" Listening to Jade crack up at your open display of happiness. You keep rapping at John, "things to make you smile."

You bring your gaze up to your back mirror, you saw the reflection of Rose elbow Jade. You keep rapping and you eventually got Jade to join you in swaying back and forth. Jade laughed at the lyrics, “I love it when you call me big papa.” You asked her to, "throw your hands in the air, if you's a true player." She happily start swaying her hands back and forth in the air as she danced to the rest of the verse. She was cracking up and invited Rose to laugh and sway with her in the back seat. John seemed more focus on the window then the song. You nodded along as you rapped to the rest of the song and rolled up to John's place. You parked right in front and shut off the engine, killing the commercial that was playing on the radio.

John stepped out of the car and closed the door behind him without a word. You keep whistling long after the song ended. You stopped to tell the girls, “you go in without me.” You unbuckle your belt. “I have something I need to get out of my trunk.”

“If you need help moving the body," Rose exits the car as she speaks, "just ring.”

“I won’t tell John about your pog collection.” Jade whispers. “or the alf merchandise in the back of your car. Just let me see your zubaz and your little pokémon figures," she pinched her fingers together to illustrate the size of the toys and then put up a palm to whisper at you again, "you don’t have to worry, just share the goods.” She covered her electric green braces as she giggled when she was done naming 90's paraphernalia. She left the car as she asked you, "or is it just old R&B CDs back there?" She always tells the weirdest jokes.

You grinned back at her as she giggled and left. Jade made it to the front door and Rose held the door open for her. When they were both inside, you stripped off your hoodie and dug the roses out of your trunk. You got out your phone and messaged John,

* * *

think you can help me with something outside, babe?

sure, dave.

* * *

You walked up to his home. You waited for him to come out by the side, right where the bushes are, out of sight and at the end of the steps. He won’t see you till you speak.

You got down on one knee and didn’t even feel the need to prep yourself. You don't know what you're going to say, but you feel so happy that you know you're just going to do it, not over think it. Just roll with it. 

John opened his front door. You heard him let out a sigh as he lightly hummed. You don't know how he made your smile even bigger, but he did it.

Suddenly, you hear the scuffing of his shoes, like he just tripped and he is starting to fall. You get up off your knee and rush to the steps. You were right, he was falling. You caught him and he fell right into your chest. He held onto your shoulders as you held out your bouquet. You look down and tell him, “careful there.”

John covered his mouth with both of his hands. His eyes were welling up with tears. You could hear him gasping for air. You just remembered, you forgot to remove your shades. You hand John the flowers and then pull of your sunglasses. You pocket them and wrap both your hands around John's waist.

“John, from the moment that I first saw you I wanted to be with you. I can’t bring myself to say anything around you because I just- well, I just can’t. When I look into your eyes it's like looking into the sea, the sky, the stars. I knew I wanted to be yours from the day I first met you and I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything to you because I thought you… I still think that… you’re too good for me. You are so compassionate and kind and I… I’m not even going to hide it. I am in love with you.”

John choked on a sob.

He started to cry. He’s grabbing onto your chest. His glasses pressed against your jacket. You hold him tight. Your eyes start to water seeing John tear up like this. He's struggling to breathe in air. John presses his face up against your chest.

“I-" He grabs a fist full of your shirt. **"I love you too!”**

You feel your chest tighten.

He… he’s in _love_ with you…?

You just thought that he…

That he liked you but…

You start shaking.

“Wait...” you ask him. “Were all those jokes in the car... _real_... for you too?”

John pulls away. He looks up at you. He's trying his best not to cry.

He lightly nods. 

_John’s crazy about you because you encourage him to do better in school..._

John just blinked.

_John told you he kisses a photo of you every day..._

John starts tearing up again.

_John told you that you're always kind to him..._

John is burying his face in your chest.

_and that's why he loves you..._

John is crying in your arms.

_He’s in love with you!_

**JOHN EGBERT IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!**

You pull him closer than before and start rocking him from side to side.

“I love you.” You rest your head on top of his as he cries. “Shh... shh...”

You sway him from side to side to comfort him as he sobs into your chest.

“I love you so much, John.”


	19. Unexpected

Dave messaged you so you stepped outside. Fully expecting him to start questioning you about the text you sent him by mistake the other night. You didn't know what you were going to say. If you were going to confess or just deflect everything... still you already feel a bit broken up inside. He called you babe in his message. You love when he calls you that. 

You sighed. You just felt so tired of being twisted up inside.

You want to feel... different... you know that you don't want to go back to feeling _normal_ though... you won't give up your love for Dave.

You love for him is just too precious to let go.

You start walking down the steps but you misplaced your foot. 

You're tripping again. Down towards the curb when out of the blue your shock turns to relief. Dave must have caught you again. You grabbed onto his shoulders. You look up into his eyes. He smiled at you, smiling a charming, loving smile as he told you, "careful there."

You noticed the bouquet of roses in his hands. Red and Blue... just like the two of you...

You looked at his suit. You try to make sense of it in your head...

You try to work through all the possibilities for why he's dressed that way and caring flowers like those... he asked you. You specifically to come outside to help him with... no. no... this can't be right. This can't be for you. You cover your mouth with both hands. You feel your eyes start well up with tears. You were gasping for air.

_'This can't be. It can't.'_

Just then, Dave handed you the flowers.

He removed his shades. Revealing to you his stunning, perfect red eyes.

He wrapped both of his hands around your waist and held you close.

“John, from the moment that I first saw you I wanted to be with you."

_'am I dreaming?'_

"I can’t bring myself to say anything around you because I just- well, I just can’t. When I look into your eyes it's like looking into the sea, the sky, the stars."

_'there's no way this is real...'_

"I knew I wanted to be yours from the day I first met you and I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything to you because I thought you… I still think that… you’re too good for me."

You shiver at his words. Your hands are tightly clasped around the plastic covered stems of the bouquet.

"You are so compassionate and kind and I… I’m not even going to hide it."

You lean your head forward, preparing for whatever devastating blow is going to come from what he seems so nervous to say...

"I am in love with you.”

You clutch onto his chest with one hand.

You are hopelessly sobbing against Dave's jacket.

Your glasses are starting to catch some of your stray tears.

You bury your face deeper into his chest.

“I-" You blurt out the words. "I love you too!”

“Wait...” You can feel him shivering as he speaks,

“Were all those jokes in the car... _real_... for you too?”

You collect yourself.

You try your best to stop your tears from flowing. 

You pull away from Dave and look up into Dave's perfect ruby eyes. 

You nod.

You feel tears well up in your eyes again.

You press your face into his chest.

You start helplessly crying in his arms.

“I love you.” Dave comforted you as you cried. Swaying you from side to side and cooing you. “Shh... shh...”

“I love you so much, John.”

After he said that...

You didn't think about it. You just did it.

You pulled out of his arms and held the flowers between one of your elbows. 

You wiped your nose and your eyes with one swipe of your sleeve. Bumping up your glasses as you did it. You fixed them with the same hand before you grabbed onto Dave's cheeks and pulled him into a love-filled kiss.

Dave grabbed back onto your waist. He pulled your lower body up against his.

You pressed your lips up against his until the tears came again.

You desperately clinged onto him. 

You pressed your forehead into his chest again. The flowers he brought you smooshed in between the two of you. Dave started kissing the top of your head. "I love you, John."

His words are pulling at your heart. You choke back another sob.

Through your tears you had to ask Dave if he’d like to go inside. You need to wipe your nose before you start dripping to much snot onto his perfectly tailored suit.

Your dad must have heard your sniffleing because he rushed into the entryway once you got in. Rose and Jade trailing behind him. Jade gasped and Rose started grinning and slow clapping.

Your dad stepped past them and into the foyer where he grabbed you and Dave and hugged you both tight. Your dad slapped Dave’s back and told him, “now look at these!” He was talking about the large bundle of roses in your hand.

He slapped Dave one final time right on the spine, “you’re a fine young man, Strider.”

Your dad looked at you and asked for the flowers. “I have a perfect vase for those, son!” 

He took the flowers for you and trialed upstairs to find the vase to hold the roses in.

Rose kept slow clapping and shook her head. Jade whispered into her ear, “Time!” Like she was asking for Rose to stop a stopwatch. You smiled and laughed at her joke, your eyes still filled with tears. You walked down the hall and up to a antique entryway table to grab a few tissues. You started dabbing your nose with one and dried your eyes with another. You looked back at Rose and Jade, as you wiped another tear out of your eye you told them both, **“you two are _assholes!”_**

The love of your life agreed, “yeah, you really are.”

You sigh. "They were helping me get closer to you." You look at Dave and ask, "were they doing the same dumb schemes with you?" You finish wiping your face down with a white square tissue.

"Yeah." Dave nods. "You shouldn't have kept that from us. I was like... so heartbroken when John texted me earlier..."

"Oh no." Jade put her hands up to her heart, "is **that** why you weren't in class?" 

You told her at lunch what you said to him by mistake last night.

"Yeah... I thought... I thought he was talking about another boy." Dave is rubbing the back of his head. "Then I... I guess I figured it wouldn't hurt any worse than that did... to say that I liked John and he... I didn't think he would** blush** when I told him that I liked him."

You place your hand over your heart. Your other hand still holding onto your used tissues.

"Awwwww... I'm happy things played out this way!" Jade chimed in. She lifted up a finger and waved it around in circles as she spoke, "Rose and I both agreed that the two of you needed to get together of your own volition."

You scoff at that. She noticed you just did.

"Okay. Listen." Jade put up both of her hands, with her fingers covered in memory bands. She lowered them and shrugged as she spoke, "if I waltzed up to Dave and told him, 'well, hey ho, Dave. John thinks your _suuuper_ dreamy and he fantasizes about you buying roses for him and swooping him off of his feet!" She clasped her hands together. "He keeps messaging me at night and telling me how he can't study because he keeps thinking about falling into your arms and-' mpth!" You cover her mouth with one of your hands to stop her from speaking. 

"Alright, I get your point." You remove your hands for her mouth and glare at her, "I don't know which fantasy of mine that was but **save it.**"

"Sheesh! Okay." Jade scrunched up her face and pouted at you. "My point is, you would both have been pissed! and you know that you two deserved to get together in your own way. Not one of our **dumb schemes!"**

"Okay so... what schemes did you make for Dave then?" You are directing the question to all three of them.

"Going over your house to study was uhhh my idea." Jade points up a finger. "I gave Dave pointers on what to say but then he decided to encourage you all on his own." She clasped her hands together. 

"Yes." Rose looked over at Dave. "Our first real ploy was trapping you in the theater with John." She looks over at you as she says, "and Dave texted us that it was a nightmare because he just wanted to hold you and never let go."

You feel your heart try to punch through your chest. You think it's going to break through your sternum. You dizzly laugh and hunch over as you sigh out the words, _"he did?"_

"Don't tell him any of that." Dave pointed at the two of them.

_"No. no."_ You wave him off, still dazed. You sigh out the words, _"go on."_

"Ohhhh, Jade." Jade clasped her hands together and forced her voice to sound deeper to mimic Dave. "I can't even speak when I look into his perfect eyes, we don't need any words between us! Just a single perfect kiss." She twists her wrists as she puts the back of her hand to her forehead. She leans back and sighs. "Oh, he is so cute! Every time he smiles it stops my heart! Oh Jade! Time slows down when I see him. OHHHH!" She clasped her hands together again, "and when he pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose it makes my legs so numb! Whenever he isn't looking I buckle my knees and reel my head back." She demonstrated for you the action she just described. "How am I even supposed to speak to him! He's so perfect in _everywaaay!!!"_

You swoon at the thought.

**"Are you done yet?"** Dave was pinching his eyes under his glasses.

"Not yet." She narrowed her eyes at him. "We haven't gotten to the part where John looks up in your eyes and you keep stuttering" She started scratching the back of her head as she stumbled out, "-Uh I- Uh- I- Ah- Ah- **_Heeee._**" 

"Quit it." You point at her with your used tissues clasped in your hand.

"Whhhaaat?!" Jade lifted up her hands and shrugged. "This is what Rose and I did like every day."

You glared at her.

"We'd just poke fun because you're both... **cute**..." Jade lifted up her hand in defence.

"We were basically like moderators." Jade continued.

Jade put up a hand to her head like she was holding onto the side of a headset. She took up a fake sportscaster voice, "Welcome to the daily, John and Dave embarrassing themselves triathlon. We are in the third quarter, dinner and-" She winced. "_ohhhh_... John is already stuttering... A stunning performance. A devastating blow to Dave's score... But wait! Dave is zoning out, **his signature move**... Still! John is in the lead with his strive dick comment."

Rose smirks as she says. "Nothing can top that in the judges eyes." 

"Shut up! Shut up. **SSShut** **up!**" You start waving your hands telling them to "stop talking!"

The two girls started laughing.

"Save the stories for when dinners ready." You tell them both... If they are in front of your dad then they will be forced to leave out anything too... unsavory... 

"Yaaaay!" Jade started clapping and hopping up and down. She buckled her knees completely and then jumped up to hug Dave. Wrapping her arms around his neck. "Oh congrats for confessing first, Dave! I am so proud and happy and **proud! **Seeing that you won Rose and I will spare you from the horror of ever telling John about the more embarrassing nightly confessions you sent us in a daze." 

"Thank you for basic decency." Dave joked.

You started chuckling.

"I think we should strike a deal." Rose weaved her fingers together and rested her clasped hands over her chest. She was looking right at you. "For every story we tell about Dave we should tell one about you." She adjusted her clasped hand and pointed both of her fingers at you, still resting her hands on her chest.

"Second!" Jade lifted up a hand as she jumped out of Dave's arms. "Dave is the deciding vote."

"You don't have to do something like that..." Dave shook his head at her. "John can tell me what he wants."

You sigh. He's been so patient, so have you... maybe it's time for this.

* * *

"Oh!" Jade peeped up in her seat. "When Dave caught John in his arms for like the... _second?_ _time?_ Right before lunch!" She waved her fork around. "John was like so crazy about it! He told us not to back out of forcing him alone with Dave at the movies... but like an hour later he got cold feet!" She started chuckling. 

You narrowed your eyes. You look back at Dave. He just hunched his back and sighed. 

You hummed and groaned slightly. If he's enjoying this then... you guess that's fine.

Jade kept laughing and Rose chimed in with a short story of her own, "Dave would constantly message us about how John was too adorable-"

"Oh my god!" Jade cut her off. "He told me he thought he was going to get into a car wreck after John's infamous slip up!" 

Your dad is sitting right there at the table listening to every word. She better not say what it is.

"Oh" Rose started using a knife to cut into one of her meatballs on her plate for some reason. "Dave would always tell us that he thinks he's going to die from a heart attack or some-such-thing."

Rose lifted up her small slice of a meatball and lifted it up. "Ah... and my mother would call him to ask how things were going. When she meet you, I had to convince her not to say to much to you, John." Rose tells you, "she might ask you to have brunch with her one day... be prepared for her incessant questions and her ceaseless squealing. I'd hear her talking with Dave over the phone, loudly giving him advice on what to do or wear or say... and I see that you took it." She pointed at Dave with her fork. 

"What was it she said one night to encourage you...?" Rose asked Dave. "Oh I recall. 'You don’t talk that often but when you do.. It’s earth shattering.' I quite like that." She nodded at him as she grinned and laughed.

Dave started to look miserable, still you couldn't help but giggle at the thought of Dave actually admitting that or saying that or feeling that. You have to stop yourself from squealing.

"Oh Lord. I just recalled." Rose started chuckling to herself. "When Dave first told me that he liked John he seemed so hurt because he thought John was out of his league." 

Jade let out a dry wheeze and then started howling. Rose started silently laughing too. The two of them trying to recuperate from laughing at the thought of Dave thinking you're to good for him.

You were back to being pissed.

You looked back over at Dave. He looked angry at the two of them as well.

You smiled at him.

He noticed you were looking over at him.

His eyes widened a bit and he perked up.

You're smile grew into a grin. 

He smiled brightly back.

You started chuckling.

He started laughing too.

All four of you were laughing at the obesity of it all.

Dave being out of your league...

When the two of you are perfect for eachother...

* * *

As the three of them geared up to leave your home you guide them into the foyer. Before you even open the front door Rose lets out a groan.

"I just realized something." She shook her head. She sounded completely drained.

“Can you please call my mother _now?”_ Rose asked Dave with contempt in her voice.

You tilt your head and let out a _"hu?"_

She asks Dave again, with more energy than you think she’s ever shows in front of you, “can you please call my **mom** now? I’m going to go home and you’re going to call her tonight and she’s just going to come into my room** screaming!** Can you just-" she sighed, "please call my mother... now.”

“Sure.” Dave takes out his phone.

“Thank you.” She says the words like she's still helplessly annoyed.

“Oh Dave! Hi sweetie! How you holding up..? You’re brother called me earlier and he said-"

“Rox." Dave interrupted. "Would you like to talk to my boyfriend?”

He immediately pulled the phone as far from his ear as he could. He reeled back his head.

“AhhhhhHHHHHHHH**HHHHHHHAAAA!”**

When she was done screaming Dave handed you the phone.

"Ha..." You lightly laugh. "Hello Ms. Lalonde."

“**Oh sweetie!** Dave’s liked you for **sooo** long!" She started quickly blurting out words as fast as she could. "I’ve been trying so hard to get him to confess his love but he's so stubborn. He didn't want to get his little heartbroken but I talked with Dave's brobro and he noticed you have a little soft spot for _our favorite guy._” She started chuckling. 

She suddenly sounded serious. "Did he bring you flowers?”

“Yes, actually.” You confirmed for her. "He got me red and blue roses."

**“AH!"** She sounded so happy as she screamed into your ear. She's so loud everyone can hear her even though the phone isn't on speaker. “What else!? No no no wait.” She started casually talking, still loud enough for everyone to heart. “No. We have to talk about this in person! I'll find sometime. Make Dave's bro come with us. We go on a little double date." -Rose laughed at that- "Oh. You have like uhhh... severe peanut allergy, right?"

"Uh.. yeah?" You're curious about how she knows that.

"You pick the place then," Ms. Lalonde told you. "Five Guys got nuts all over. It's like a fucking war zone."

You started laughing.

"God damn battle ground for cuties like you." Rose's mom started laughing too. "I'll check if chipotle is good. Do my research for my Egbert exam. I'll see you as soon as I can, I'll let Dave know when I'm good. Best wishes my favorite nerd. Oh." She whispered. "By the way, Dave loves apple juice. That's the key to his heart."

"I already noticed." You tell her.

She sounded like she was proud, "you are deserving of such a gift." 

"Well." She started to sound loud and cheerful again. "Give me back to our _favorite boy_, I want to say goodbyebye." You handed the phone back to Dave.

You couldn't hear her as Dave put the phone up to his head. She must be saying something gentle and kind to him, judging by the way he's softly smiling at the floor.

“Thanks, Roxy.” He told her. "I think he's perfect for me too."

You cover your smile with your hands. _'He isn't holding back on anything today is he?' _

Suddenly you hear Ms. Lalonde's voice again, “I love you, Dave. I love you too grumpy girl! Byebye little babies!”

Everyone chimed in with their own goodbyes,

"Byebye!" "peace." "Goodbye, miss."

Well... everyone expect for Rose.

“Ugh.” Rose hunched over her back. “I’m sorry she loves to hear her own voice.”

You opened the front door for her and lightly chuckled. "I like her."

"Only because you don't live with her." Rose told you as she head out. "Good night and... congrats."

You smiled at her as she walked past you. "Thank you, Rose."

Jade hugged you and kissed your cheek. Her bronze face was covered in a large bright grin, so large in fact, she couldn't hope to open up her eyes. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Thanks, Jade." You patted her back.

When Dave walked up to you. You looked up into his eyes and then back down at the hardwood floor again. He let out a nervous, dry laugh. You looked back up into his uncovered, red eyes. You took a step forward, still holding the door a jar behind your back.

You kissed Dave on the lips a second time. "I think we're perfect together too..." You turned your head away from him. You don't think you can look into those eyes right now after saying something like that, you're heart will burst if you do. Dave buckled his knees a bit. You look back at him.

"Sorry..." he apologized, "you just get to me sometimes... you know?"

"You get to me all the time." You confess as you sigh. 

You look down at the ground again.

You bite down on both of your lips.

You laugh. 

You're waiting on Dave to leave so you can close the door. 

Jade and Rose and probably sitting down in his car waiting on him too.

"umm..." You looked back up at him again. "Dave?"

"Hu?" Dave sounded like he just snapped out of some trance. "Oh."

"I'll be out of your hair." Dave told you.

"But first."

He kissed you on the lips again. 

"I love you."

"I love you more."

"Ha. That's a stretch." He nodded like he was calling you out on some bullshit you were spitting.

"Haa!" You laughed at him.

Dave started walking out the front door.

"Drive home safe." You tell him.

"I will." He smiled at you as he walked down the steps.

He nearly slipped on a step.

You gasped and covered your mouth.

He gained his footing immediately after slipping.

"Oh no. My clumsiness is contagious." You joked as you uncovered your smile from your hands.

"If you start catching me in your arms." Dave joked, "then I'd a consider it a blessing."

You laughed and clapped your hands together.

"Goodnight!" You called out to him.

"Night, babe."

You giggled as you began to shut the door.

"Love you!" Dave called out to you again.

"I love you too." You can't tell him that enough.


	20. that picture in the frame

You were staring at a photo of you standing right next to John from your first official date. You got someone to take it for you and then you printed it out yourself and stuck it in a frame. John was dressed just as nicely as you were even though he told you that he felt underdressed. You used your money to take him out somewhere nice for dinner. Roxy wouldn't stop screaming at you once you called to tell her how it went. Jesus. She was completely in tears when you called her to tell her that you were engaged. You thought she was going to be in shambles during your wedding. She was but only at the rehearsal. You're glad Roxy told you that John would like to see your eyes all those years ago. John told you he loved seeing your eyes and in this photo you can see why. The two of you look so happy here. 

You hear laughing from behind you.

"When I told you to start unpacking I thought you'd manage to take more things out then just one photo." John's arms were crossed. "Oh. It isn't even a wedding photo! When you get to that one, how long are you going to space out for?" He pokes fun at you as he comes up from behind to hold you. He peeks his head around your arm and looks at the photo. "oh my god i looked so lanky."

"I think you look adorable." You kiss the top of his head.

"I dressed like an idiot too." John narrowed his eyes at the photo. "Why do you keep high school photos up... is it just to spite me?"

"I love these photos." You tell him. "You know that, babe."

"I know you do." John sounds like he's rolling his eyes. He's still holding onto your back. "Look at the two of us... oooh I thought that you could do no wrong back then, how stupid was that?" He lets out a dry laugh and then starts snickering.

"Yeah well." You shrugged. "You married me."

"Don't think I could ever find anyone better." He lifted up his head and expected that you lower yours to kiss him. Of course you kiss his lips on instinct. 

"We always did everything together didn't we?" John looks back at the photo.

"Yep." You nod and join him in staring at the picture frame. "Won that little music contest. Remember that?"

"I was too busy studying to remember any of that..." John sighs. "Hey remember when the two of us went skinny dipping?" He giggled.

"I..." You sounded a bit confused, "don't remember that."

"Jeez. I fantasize so often about you it's hard to remember what's real and what isn't."

"If I had a voice crack it was real."

"Oh good to know." John nods. "We should go skinny dipping now that I think of it."

"We can do that in the pool."

John nodded. _"Shiiit."_

God you love that man.

"Yeah." John nodded. "That'll be your reward for when you finish up with all the boxes."

"Ohhh... Maybe we could take a little break, for just a moment... you know..." You smile down at him, "break in the couch while we're at it?"

"Breaks are for people who earned it." John slaps your ass, gesturing for you to get a move on. "Finish up. I'm not living in a cluttered home."

"Anything for you, babe." You sigh. 

"Oh. Also, I started making you a special treat for dessert."

"Yeah." You perk your head up.

"I'm baking one of your many favorites." He rolls his eyes, unamused that you can never settle on just one of John's perfect cakes. By the smell of the house you'd say it's chocolate something... John continues, "_buuut_... finish up that box and you can have a glass of the apple juice I just made."

You grab him by the hips and pull him into a passionate deep kiss. 

"Baby, you are the love of my life."

He giggled. "I know. I know. I'm perfect."

You pull him closer and kissed his lips again.

"I told you to get a move on with those boxes." John narrowed his eyes at you.

"You also told me you made me apple juice from scratch." You kissed him again.

John sighed and rolled his eyes. "Finish up all the boxes and you can have whatever you want."

You drop John out of your hands and turn around to unpack the rest of all your living room shit. You'll unpack every box in the house if you have too. John starts laughing as he crosses his arms. "I'm going to finish up with dinner. Love you."

"I love you more."

"Ha. Try me, bitch." John joked.

**Good God, you love that man.**

John smiled as he told you, "I love you, more." He walked back out of the room.

You lower your eyes and start unwrapping another picture frame. You aren't even going to look. John's face always pulls you in. You have to just keep, keeping on.

Just like the two of you always do.


End file.
